being with somebody with mental health issus

being with somebody with mental health issus

 hi...

iv been with my boyfriend now for just over a year. when we first got together everything was great, i knew he had issues but never for a second thought that it would get this bad. hes in hospital at the moment, hes been there for 2 months and i just cant see the end of it. he has been dianosed with paranoid schizophrenia he has had it for 3 years but from the storied i have been told he has never been this bad... i would just like some advice or to speak to somone who maybe in a simalar situation so maybe i can find some comfort, i just feel so depressed at the moment that i dont know what to do..  

Re: being with somebody with mental health issus In reply to: dawn19

being with someone with mental health issues must be really hard but through councelling and having someone there he knows he can rely on and knows will be there to support him will help him.  Has he undergone any councelling? I dont know what you are going through but i can imagine as my mother-in-law im sure has issues her self and she only lives 50 meters away lol.  what does he do exactly?  how often is he in and out of hospital? I know it must be really hard and a real strain o your life but its a true test of your love for him. If you love him you will stay and support him and i know youl do a damn good job of it too! You just have to keep saying to yourself that he will get better and your life will get better! but dont try to do it all your self! get help and dont be affraid to ask for it! No one can deal with something like that on their own.  You have friends and family and people on here are great! there are also doctors that specialise in this sort of thing who will help you and support you too and dont forget to have time to your self to relax!

I hope this has helped and im always here to help if you need it!

Nykita xXx

Re: being with somebody with mental health issus In reply to: Nykita

well thanks for that it helped alot, he has had this illness for 3 years now like i said i have only been with him for a year and this is the first time that i have seen him ill. other than that he has been in hospital 4 times in 3 years, i really do love him but at the moment i have other thing on my mind about my family and just feel that it is all never goin to end everything is just goin from bad to worse. when i discuss this with my family they just say walk away so that i dont put any strain on myself - but i cant do that, i cant leave him when he is ill. he just seem to be getter more ill everytime i see him i min i think hes ok and he will be home soon then he starts talking about the csi being after him and wants to kill him - i just dont know what to do anymore. i feel so depressed its affecting my work and everything, i cant leave the house incase people start asking questions, ill just sit there day in and day out crying. i have thought of getting help but if i do that to me that means that im not a strong enough person to deal with it

thanks again xXxX 

Re: being with somebody with mental health issus In reply to: dawn19

just because you need a bit of help dealiing with this does not make you a weak persoon! i think you were right in saying that just now wouldnt be a good time to leave him. And, so what if people ask questions, just tell them you dont want to talk about it, just tell them that he is not well at the moment and youl fill them in when you know something, its got nothing to do with them, its personal to you! you should get out and about and relax and have time to yourself! go shopping or go out for a drink or something! I think you are really strong by asking for help! it takes a strong person to do that! If your family cant support you properly then dont be around them, you need to be round people that will tell you that things will be ok and they will. Once he's out get him help, take him to a specialist that deals with people with this problem, i'm sure they will be able to help. I'm on here almost once every day so i dont mind talking to you about it if you need it!

Hope iv been a help hun

Nykita x~X~x

Re: being with somebody with mental health issus In reply to: Nykita

i was reading up on scizofrenia and reacognitive therapyd that the doctors treat it with antiphsycotics or with cognitive therapy my advice to you is to look it up on the net, there are online support networks and information points where you will be able to find all the information you need.

Nykita x~X~x

Re: being with somebody with mental health issus In reply to: Nykita

well thanks for that it is really helping talking to somone that i dont no i dont fell like im be jugded which i know sound stupid but when i try talkind about it people just day that i need to be strong for him - but what about me whos there to be strong for me. i am trying to get into a support group but at the moment im not quite there to be able to speak face to face about my problems.

it just seems like it will never end, he rang me last night and said that it was my fault he was in there, i no he doesnt mean it and he is ill but it still hurts me,then he rang me today while i was a work to say that he loves me.

 then iv got his dad saying to me that if i ever left him he doeant no what my boyfriend will do, and he fears for his son if worse came to worse between me and him - now to me thats emotional blackmail or am i just over re-activing.

 thanks for the advise about internet support i have looked and this is how i found this site, but other than that thre internet i pretty limited. i have researched on the subjust and know about all the madication and side affects that they have so im pretty cluded up there but it still does not help me to really understand his mind - but then again i dont think that i will ever understand that

 i just worry about the future and family life because that is all that i have ever wanted but no i cant see that happening either so life seems pretty blank

thanks for the comments hun xXxXx 

Re: being with somebody with mental health issus In reply to: dawn19

its no problem hun. Your right though! you need the support more than him really! being a carer is not easy and can be and is soooo demanding on your time and patience! I really do hope it helps talking to me. i know talking to strangers is easier than talking to friends or family, but they should be there for you too.  And as for his father, it does sound like emotional black mail but i hope its not!

Nykita xXx

Re: being with somebody with mental health issus In reply to: dawn19

I hav heard that M-I-N-D are a good helpful place to ask about mental disorders and living with people with them.  Just think though how complicated your life will always be, living with someone with such problems.  He will be on medication for life and once they start relying on you, you could feel trapped.  X   

Re: being with somebody with mental health issus In reply to: Hannah

thats all well and true but if you love someone you wont walk out on them, im not saying that you cant but its like having a child with mental health issues, you wouldnt give up on them, mental health issues can be treated, though it may take a while and a lot of strength from everyone! councelling can help in a lot of cases.

Re: being with somebody with mental health issus In reply to: Nykita

This posting has given me a lot to think about. Not sure I agree with having to stay with someone because they have mental health issues - that person sometimes because someone completely different to the person you fell in love with, don't they?

I totally agree they need support but not everyone is equipped to give the support needed and if that is the case it's kinder and better for the person suffering to let someone else take over. This doesn't mean give up on them, but it does mean they get better care,

My sister has cerebral palsy and while she doesn't suffer as much as some with this condition, she has plenty of friends whose families couldn't cope and they are in full time residential care. Their families still visit them and support them and they visit their families but these families made a big decision and were brave enough to say they couldn't cope.

I hope I haven't cause offence to anyone, I'm trying not to tell anyone what to do, just putting a different point of view across. Often, when we feel compelled to give someone our love and support but we don't feel up to it, it's the person who needs the right love and support that suffers.

Would love to hear other people's views.

Keep Smiling and Eat Well :o)

Re: being with somebody with mental health issus In reply to: Nina

I wasnt trying to say that you should stay with someone because they have issues but this lady says she really does still love her partner and i think it wold be great for her to get support too as i know she couldt deal with it on her own, i mean i know i couldnt do it on my own but i would never give up, just admit that i needed help and help where i could.  I also think it would be good for the person with the mental health issues to be around their family although i know this is not always possible. I know that the family have to have a life too and thats the point i was trying to make, even though you live with someone with mental health issues whether mild or severe, you should always make time for your self! If you dont, youl go mad.  Everyone needs a life and everyone needs support from someone from a shoulder to cry on to a shopping buddy! It would be good if you could get a carer for your partner whether they came in once a day for a few hours or whether they came in a few times a week just to give you a rest both physically and mentally! DO NOT take on to much stress if it can be avoided, you still need time to relax and be yourself!  I think sometimes people with issues dont want to feel like they are being mommy cuddled by a carer, they want to be independant, thats why i suggested having someone come round every so often to take the weight off of your shoulders.  If this is something you dont feel you can cope with full term then it would be kinder to leave as it will affect the rest of your life and your childrens (if you decide to have children together), they wont understand why daddy is shouting at mummy or vise versa.

I hope i have not caused any confusion or dishartedness, i just want to help in the only way possible (by giving advice).

Nykita x~X~x

Re: being with somebody with mental health issus In reply to: Nykita

Hi Nykita,

 I think we're both trying to say the same thing in different ways here! I totally agree with what you're saying and am just putting my spin on things (sorry, I just HAVE to have my say) *lol*

Hope it's sorted out, I like reading your posts, you make a lot of sense!

Nina X