she binned me after 8 years, now wants to come back,but, cant get over me sleeping with someone else after we split

she binned me after 8 years, now wants to come back,but, cant get over me sleeping with someone else after we split

Just decided to post this in the hope a lady out there somewhere can help with a dilemma.
After being with my ex 8 years she walked out and i was under the impression we were dead in the water i tried for a while to convince her to come back as I thought there is nothing that can't be sorted out with openness as long as the love is still there. Anyway I couldnt bear the hurt and had a couple of one night stands which made me feel even worse so just started dating taking my time with things and putting a new focus on my career couldn't allow myself to fall into depression. 1 week ago she came back ridden with guilt for the hurt she had caused and on tablets to boot which she is gradually coming off although still fragile. The main of the problem is that one of the one nighters i had was at my house in what was our bed and even though I was single she just can't seem to get over it even though she knows it made me feel cheap and i'd stopped all that before she reappeared. I've never cheated but just don't know how to help her get past what I did, sex is not everything to me but is a big part of a healthy relationship. It starts great but as soon as she has a thought about what happened she drys up and within a minute i notice and cant carry on as it is bound to cause her pain. The best thing I can think of is to forget sex for now and take my time to try and get the intimacy back hoping that things will get better. the last thing is that there is another lady who wants to see me and i'm that scared of being hurt again i'm tempted to start afresh if my ex can hurt me that badly after 8 years then its always going to be in the back of my mind it could happen again.
If anyone has any ideas or suggestions would really appreciate hearing them as i'm confused still hurtin with no clue what to do for the best.

Re: she binned me after 8 years, now wants to come back,but, cant get over me sleeping with someone else after we split In reply to: tim

I think you need to talk to her about it. If it was me i would tell her that she needs to accept what happened when you two were not together otherwise there isnt much point of having a relationship together. You have to be happy in a relationship i think, i mean you cant put up with that forever! It sounds like now that you're back together you are still having problems and nothing has changed or maybe have gotten worse. Getting back together should be about solving the problems that you had previously so that you can have a better relationship in the future. Learn from each others mistakes. Maybe you should have a talk and see what each other wants. If she cant accept what happened then there isnt much of a hope between you 2. You'll have it hanging over you all the time.

Re: she binned me after 8 years, now wants to come back,but, cant get over me sleeping with someone else after we split In reply to: tim

I think you need to talk to her about it. If it was me i would tell her that she needs to accept what happened when you two were not together otherwise there isnt much point of having a relationship together. You have to be happy in a relationship i think, i mean you cant put up with that forever! It sounds like now that you're back together you are still having problems and nothing has changed or maybe have gotten worse. Getting back together should be about solving the problems that you had previously so that you can have a better relationship in the future. Learn from each others mistakes. Maybe you should have a talk and see what each other wants. If she cant accept what happened then there isnt much of a hope between you 2. You'll have it hanging over you all the time.

Re: she binned me after 8 years, now wants to come back,but, cant get over me sleeping with someone else after we split In reply to: *Vicky*

Hey Vicky thanks for your comments and yeah think you got that right perhaps thigns have just run their course an gone to far who knows, i'd commit in a heartbeat if only she could straighten her head out most issues have been resolved just stuck on that one an no couldnt live the rest of my life like that guess its up to her. thanks once again. tim

Re: she binned me after 8 years, now wants to come back,but, cant get over me sleeping with someone else after we split In reply to: tim

No problem! I guess its down to your girlfriend then only time will tell. All the best!

Re: she binned me after 8 years, now wants to come back,but, cant get over me sleeping with someone else after we split In reply to: tim

first things first tim, its nice to finally talk to a man lol usually its all women! but have you cincidered taking her to buy a new bed? it will be the thought that it was your bed with her then you slept with someone else in it and now her again but each time she gets into the bed with you thats all she will think about. just a suggestion hun hope this helps

Tell those closest to you that you love them as you never know when they might be gone!

Re: she binned me after 8 years, now wants to come back,but, cant get over me sleeping with someone else after we split In reply to: Nykita

Hi Nykita thanks for your thoughts even the one about a bloke lol, yeah I had thought about the bed thing but it don't just stop there if it would then fair enough think i'd need to sell my house an have a totally fresh start but she cost me thousands one way or another and it would cost me thousands again to move house with all the fees that are involved and for someone that is still blowing hot an cold just don't think i should have to do that especially as i put it all together on my own starting from nothing. If I was the one out of order say like i'd cheated then i'd move heaven and earth I dunno just gotta give it time but still feel like i should keep my options open not that I will though because if I go down that path then any decisions will not have the clarity of thought that they should have think i owe her an myself that much at least anyway thanks for the reply tim

Re: she binned me after 8 years, now wants to come back,but, cant get over me sleeping with someone else after we split In reply to: tim

its no prob hun i love giving people advice and chatting to people. well sounds like your right, if she truly wants to be with you it shouldnt matter what happened while you were not together and since it was 8 years ago, i think she needs to let go and get on with her life or she will just ruin it for you both and any chance you have of working things out go out the window. hope you manage to sort things out and if she wont appreciate everything you are doing to help her then get rid of her, ill bet she slept with a few people while you were not together? it works both ways hun. hope she comes to her scences as you sound like a really nice bloke! x

Re: she binned me after 8 years, now wants to come back,but, cant get over me sleeping with someone else after we split In reply to: Nykita

Hey hun thanks for that, I thought she may have slept with other people but in my heart of hearts i really dont either believe she did or just dont wanna believe she did to be honest i'd rather not know while we were apart then we were apart but its kinda hypocritical of me cos if she had then there would be no way back but at least i'm clear on that which has just caused me a train of thought which does worry me cos she knows that so do i know the truth or not? i cant stand liars hmmn i'm fast thinkin its gone to far an at the moment am just thinkin fu*k it start afresh why is the easy option so temptin? I think i'll suss her out she only gotta slip once an i'll know for sure. It's good to get another persons perspective on it though an you seem nice like the kinda person I can talk to cheers tim

Re: she binned me after 8 years, now wants to come back,but, cant get over me sleeping with someone else after we split In reply to: tim

lol no prob hun its my pleasure! how old are you? you seem quite young so you got your whole life ahead of you! and if she slips up or deep down you know you really would be better off without her there are plenty more fish in the sea! you just gotta believe that you can do better than sum1 that will bin you then come running back! oh and i love talking to people so any time you wanna chat jus drop me a line! x

Tell those closest to you that you love them as you never know when they might be gone!

Re: she binned me after 8 years, now wants to come back,but, cant get over me sleeping with someone else after we split In reply to: tim

That makes me smile, that you were hurt of the love you lost...so you had one night stands, Hmmm something not right with that...when i'm sad I eat chocolate or have a moan, YOU had a series of one night stands, sorry I'm not here to be sympethetic...I'm creating an equilibrium...a balance, all the ladies above have been nice, too nice !!!.....Anyhoo, I think you both seem like you have hurt each other, I would start afresh if I were you good luck Tim

Don't sit up close at the ballet...it spoils the illusion...

Re: she binned me after 8 years, now wants to come back,but, cant get over me sleeping with someone else after we split In reply to: Nykita

Hi Nykita thanks for that and to answer your question i'm 32 and will more than likely drop you a line didn't realise i sounded young so how old are you hun?