Am i wrong?

Am i wrong?

Hello i normally don´t talk about my private life on the internet but i need some advice as i´m stuck in a situation...
First off i´m originally from Germany and moved to the Uk about 5 month ago with my ex Boyfriend who is in the Army...
We´ve been together for 3 years and for the past 6 month things just didn´t work out anymore,we just lived together like brother and sister....
So about 2 month ago i´ve met a guy,we started talkin and i explained him my situation and that i wasn´t looking for a relationship or anything just a friend as i don´t know anyone around here...
He was really nice and i started falling for him,we´ve been going out for 2 month now and after about a month or so he started to stand me up all the time his phone was turned off and i couldn´t get hold of him,the next day he came up with some weird excuses but always talked me back into things....i´m very vurnerable at the moment as i don´t have any friends or family to confide in or talk to so i kept beliving him.
Then he started hanging out with one of his "friends" he hasn´t seen for a while and started doing drugs.... stupid me i just went along with it just to be with him....
He kept saying he loves me and that i´m the one for him and that he wants to settle down with me and start a family at some point...everything just seemed perfect.
But now i´ve seen his other site,the one when he´s nasty and just ignores me or leaves me on the site until he feels like seeing me.I´ve been warned about him when we first got together,but i just didn´t want to listen.
My ex is telling me to dump him and get my life sorted so does my family back in Germany and i know they´re right but i´m just scared of being on my own i guess.
I want to make this work but i´m sick of just me being the one that makes an effort and mix with the wrong crowd.
I know this is all confusing and probably doesn´t make sense to anyone but i´m really desperate for advice.
Do u think i should give it another go,or just call it a day and move on?
thanks
Anna

Re: Am i wrong? In reply to: xxxChelsea

Hi Anna, I'm Hannah, and I used to be in the military, so I understand how they can post you to remote places, far away from the comfort of the people who know you.

I think, the relationship started off hopeful, but it's not now, he sounds mean, and you don't need to be involved with someone who can be hurtful. It's like he knows you depend on him for his friendship, and he has abused it, and expects you will still be there, as you seem to have no-one else, i'm sorry, it doesn't paint a good picture of English men does it?...There are good and bad everywhere i suppose, My hubby was based in Germany, he loved it, learnt the language and ran a bar, sorry...I'm getting off the point, you have to be cautious who you trust, as they can sense you are vulnerable, it is better to be alone than in a pointless relationship, in my opinion. Your friend who you came over here with sounds nice, so he at least is one person to confide in, and now you have us "good to know" girlies too, Good luck, bye for now X

Don't sit up close at the ballet...it spoils the illusion...

Re: Am i wrong? In reply to: Hannah

Thanks Hannah,it´s good to get an neutral opinion.
The last time i spoke to him was on wednesday and since then he only got in touch once yesterday via txt msg which i didn´t reply to...it´s killing me tho..i really like him but i know this won´t go anywhere with him.
I´m thinkin of moving away from where i live now so i don´t need to see him anymore...
It´s just so hard to do on my own...my ex (the one i was with for 3 years) is supporting me in any way he can.
I just want to make it work with that other guy i know he can be a nice guy,but as soon as his friend is involved it´s game over...he´s very insecure so he listens to everyone and sadly also the wrong ppl...
I see now that he doesn´t really care as he doesn´t even bother in trying to stay with me or getting in touch at all and i don´t know why i just walk away,coz he´s just hurting me and walking all over me.
I don´t know what to say to him if he does get in touch,shall i not answer the phone at all or tell him what i think and ask him to stay away from me?
This sounds like a teenagers problem i know but it´s just running me down and upsetting me.

Re: Am i wrong? In reply to: xxxChelsea

It doesn't sound like a teenager's problem at all and you should stop beating yourself up about all this, Chelsea. It sounds like you're going through a hard time and feeling lonely. You're also grieving for your ended relationship(s), you were with the first guy for 3 years and he sounds lovely, even if it didn't work out. This other man sounds like a complete w@nker to me - I'm sorry, but he does.

It still doesn't make it easy when the relationship has to end, but I think you need some closure with this second man and you need to let him know it's over. Whether that's face to face, over the phone or by letter, I think you need to officially end it so you can both move on.

Then you can start thinking about the rest of your life and what you want to do. You could join clubs or get a new job where you meet friends - keep coming to this site too because the girls who come on here are FAB, I've not met one yet I don't like.

I hope this helps anyway. It's just my point of view - maybe I'm giving the wrong advice, but it's what I would try to do in your position.

Don't sweat the small stuff. It will make you stinky.

Re: Am i wrong? In reply to: Nina

Thank you
I´m trying so hard to get over him...but he just won´t let me...i spoke to him today on msn and we ended up meetin...went for a fry up...i couldn´t look him into the eye had nothing to say to him whatsoever he knows he´s putting me through hell but he just thinks it´s all a big laugh.
Now he asks me to come around his for the afternoon to have a drink and watch tv.
I know i shouldn´t even consider going but i think it might help me to find closure over this,maybe i can walk away then and say "ok thats it,there is no way back for us..." but it might get my hopes up again to get back with him.
He can´t say what he thinks or feels...
If he would break off all contact and just leave me to it i´d probably have a few bad "Bridget Jones "cry days and then get back pn track but he keeps poppin back into my life.
Should i go round and sort it out once and for all?
Anna

Re: Am i wrong? In reply to: xxxChelsea

Guten Tag, Anna,
You should not go over to see him, that would be wrong, he is not worth it, I think you should break up with him via msn, and don't give him another thought, have a few bridget days of moarning the end of it all and start a fresh, as a free single, lovely person, who demands to be treated with the respect and dignity that you deserve, Which part of Germany are you from?

Don't sit up close at the ballet...it spoils the illusion...

Re: Am i wrong? In reply to: Hannah

oh my god! you deserve much better than a man (sorry a boy) like him! i called him a boy because men dont do things like that. you can be on your own! dont ever tell yourself that you couldnt cope on your own, every day people from differnt countries emigrate on their own and they build a life for themselfs! get a job and youl make lots of friends! youl be surprised how fast you meet people and move on. But leave him please! you deserve much better than him hunni!
on a different note, your english is really really good lol. I studied German at school and cant really remember much of it lol i can ask you what is your name and how old are you and where do you live etc... but the rest just seems to have vanished! lol German was quite easy for me as its quite close to scottich slang lol But anyway, you obviously dont have a language problem so that wont pose a problem for you, you seem like a nice girl so making new friends souldnt be a problem! Good luck hun and i hope you can find a man that will treat you right! xXx

Tell those closest to you that you love them as you never know when they might be gone!

Re: Am i wrong? In reply to: Nykita

I agree with everything Nykita and Hannah said Chelsea - get that w@nker out of your life!

Don't sweat the small stuff. It will make you stinky.