no sex drive

I dont know whats wrong with me. ive been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now, hes so lovely and caring and the best person ive slept with but my sex drive is all over the place.  i hardly ever want sex, we could go without sex for 3 months and i feel so bad for him as hes a man and men need to be relieved. then suddenly one day i will want sex but i dont know if its me wanting sex or just i think i should give it to him. Its really starting to complicate our relationship. ive slept with a lot of people and my boyfriend knows this and this is why he doesnt understand why i dont want sex, i tried to tell him the only reason i slept with lots of other people was to feel close to them (i didnt enjoy it with them either) but he wont except that bcos of the reputation i had.

This is really starting to get to me though because i feel like such a faliure as a woman. i wish i wanted sex. i dont orgasm i never have done, i know thats common with lots of other women, but ive never even had an orgasm by doing it myself. i could go without having sex for the rest of my life and it wouldnt bother me, maybe because i get all the attension off my boyfriend that i want so i dont need to have sex with him.

I got abused when i was little, it wasnt really horrific like some people tho and i sometimes wonder if something in me holds on to the past or something, i dont know though because i never think of it anymore and it doesnt bother me, ive overcome it now i havent just not dealt with it.

my boyfriend is insecure about the people ive been with in the past and he deos get voer protective so maybe im not giving it to him as i want to be in control of something in our relation ship if that makes sense,

please help me as i cant cope with all this anymore. x 

Re: no sex drive In reply to: abby111

hey im going through the same thing as you are and i have done the same as you in my past and i was abused when i was younger too. i have been with my partner over a year now aswell and since new yr my sex drive as slowly gone down to nothing.

i slept with loads of people in the past and my partner knows about it too and my partner treats me like a princess but like yourself the sexual attraction as gone and in the past as soon as that went i went with it and found someone else.

thats what i think is up with the both of us.

this is my 1st serious relationship and im not use to it and i dont want to lose it either. like yourself i could easily go with out sex but stil be with my partner.

maybe its the fact of changing sexual partners all the time that your head isnt use to having one sexual partner for so long and you well both of us just need to spice it up again.

i have been trying to spice it up since feb i even brought my partner some sex toys from valentines but he doesnt like the idea of using them. he wont even use the sex dice because he doesnt do oral.

it might even be the big chances in your life that might make you feel stress or even depressed without you even knowing theres alot of conculsions why your sex drive as gone.

hope in someway i have helped you good luck

Re: no sex drive

I was also abused when I was younger and when I moved in with my new partner I was abused that morning (not from him!!!!) I was very afraid of making love to my new partner, wiith obvoious reasons and at first when I tried I cried and pushed him away, he understood completely. He is the second person I had ever had sex with. It has been a year since I moved in with him and the sex between us is great...The reason for this I believe is communication...We discuss the sex we have, especially if we have tried a new position and figure out what the other person wants and preffered and try to make it as good for the other person as possible. Even with oral sex, I try out new things and ask him afterwards did he enjoy it and what he liked best. WIth this communication oral sex gets better each time and sex feels like the first time every time!!! Try asking your partners what they like exactly and tell him what you like. Maybe this will improve your sex drive. I hope this helps...