Dads And Access

Dads And Access

Hi there everyone, I'm new to this site so firstly just wanted to say hello.

I have 2 sons aged 6 and nearly 8 that live with me full time. After the split with their father 4 years ago, I gave him full access as he's a good father and the boys love him to bits.  He chose to not see them at all to start with but being with his new partner he has started making an effort over the past year.  He still chooses to only have them once a month for the weekend and is supposed to call them once a week and yet doesn't go through with this and seems to let our sons down often.  My sons now have a 6 month old half brother on their dads side who they love dearly but hate they dont get to see him that often.  Does anyone have some advice how to make this clear to their father as he keeps dismissing the conversation when i try?  Also has anybody gone through a similar situation?

Re: Dads And Access

hi kerry - welcome to good to know!! come and keep us regulars company the first thing i would say to you is well done for being so mature about everything and thinking of your kids first. you seem like a really good mum and want the best for your kids. thats why its so hard when your ex lets his kids donw.

my husbands sister got divorced a while back. they have 2 kids and they decided that the boys would spend every other weekend with the dad. but like your ex he sometimes let the boys down and canceled or didnt turn up. they really love their dad but the mum just went totally mad. i dont blame her but i also think that she couldve talked it through and explained to the dad how much he has upset them. it has really damaged the relationship.

i think you just have to be really clear with your ex and explain how the kids feel. if he loves his kids then he has to think of them all the same. good luck kerry! xx 

everyone needs a monkey cake!

Re: Dads And Access

I agree with Shirley, you need to make it clear to your ex just how much he is hurting his sons by behaving like this. It's a lame excuse but maybe he genuinely hasn't realised the effect he's having on them?

I would first of all get him to commit to a meeting then sit him down and put the facts to him. Also, have a clear idea of what you and your sons want from him, I'm sure you'll be reasonable, you sound like a sensible gal to me :o)

Don't sweat the small stuff. It will make you stinky.

Re: Dads And Access

Hi everyone, I agree that he needs to know exactly how its making his sons feel. I've had a useless father all my life and you get used to it but it still hurts when he lets you down for the billionth time. You need to tell him in whatever way you think will make him listen - even if it's yelling (but not with the boys in earshot obviously!) Good luck x x