Please help me i'm so confused!

I found dozens of texts between my boyfriend and his ex on his old mobile and its made me think that our entire 16month relationship is a lie!

I first had my suspicions in December after I had downloaded a file onto his computer and couldnt find it and opened a file that contained several pics of one of his ex girlfriends Natasha (I know it was her cuz her he'd named the pictures). The pics weren't rude but I still thought it was innapropriate of him to have them so I confronted him and he said he had forgotten he had them so I forgave him.

Prior to this he did tell me a little bit about their relationship. He told me he was with her just for sex as at the time he didnt want a serious relationship and because she lives in middlesbrough (we live in chester) he decided to end it but they agreed to remain friends by texting and calling each other every so often to catch up. I didnt mind this as I thought I could trust my fella and only aslong as it remained "every so often".

But in April this year whilest he was sleeping I saw a missed call on his phone from her. He had only had the phone for afew months so I decided to find out if they had been texting each other recently. It turns out she had been sending him quite afew messages saying she missed him and missed speaking to him all the time but there was one message in particular that made me panic that said "you don't love me, you don't even know me any more!" So I looked in his outbox to see what he'd had sent her but there wasnt anything to her but in his drafts I found an unfinished text to Natasha saying "I lov" and it was created minutes before her reply! I went mad at him about it and all he said was that sometimes this Natasha and her boyfriend fall out and when they do she gets drunk and sends him soppy texts and that I was over reacting about the "I lov" text because if it wasn't in his outbox then he didnt send it and even if he did it must have been an accident. Not having anything much to go on against my fella I let the matter drop.

Since then on TWO seperate occasions I have found pictures of this natasha in his bedroom! Again he said he either forgot he had them or he didn't know they were there!

Recently, while he was at work I took the oppertunity to go through his old mobile (which he had used until January). and what I found has completely stunned me. Not only did he still have x-rated videos and pictures of other ex's (I know he did recieve or take these before we got together because I checked the dates but still upset me because it made me think why he would still have them when he's got me) but there was more to come! I knew the girl my boyfriend dated before me and i've discoverd he was secretly texting this Natasha and at least two other ex's behind her back! He must have been telling Natasha that he still loved her and wanted to be with her because I could tell by her replies and the other girls texts were really flirty and x-rated and one of them even sent him two videos of herself (which I didn't want to watch). I looked in his outbox to see what he'd been sending them and I saw one that he sent to natasha in december just afew weeks before my birthday calling her "sweetie" and at the end he wrote "I love you xxx" It was also sent weeks before I found the pictures of her on his computer! There was also two pitures of him posing infront of a mirror with kisses aded to them sent to a number without a name, I suspect it was her because they were sent days after the other text. Even in his inbox months after we had been going out her replies were still saying "I love you too".

Everytime I have confronted my fella about something his story changes. At first he told me she meant nothing to him then gradually he's told me their relationship was actually serious and lasted for 18 months not only that he was in-love with her! Why has i taken him so long to tell me the truth? Not only is my boyfriend a liar but hes a complete hypocrite too! My ex who I went out with over 6 years ago added me on facebook and my fella made me get rid of him then another ex called and text me out of the blue afew times and my fella made me block his number! I really don't know what to do at all. My boyfriend is always telling me he loves me and wants a future with me. I've always said I absolutely hate cheats and it makes me so angry reading stories about it and my fella has always said he feels the same about it as I do. We have both just come back from holiday together and while we were away he hinted at getting engaged, moving in together, marriage kids the lot! Then I find all these texts and its really blown me away. I have been cheated on before in previous relationships but is this the same? I do know he has betrayed and lied to me but still what should I do?! I'm 21 and hes 23. Please please help me!!! 

Re: Please help me i'm so confused!

I think you know as well as I do what the signs are pointing you towards. If your boyfriend isn't cheating on you (and I'm sorry but it sounds like he is) then he has lied to you again and again and again.

How can you stay in a long term relationship with him if you can't trust him and need to go through his emails and texts?

If I were you, I would sit him down, explain all you know and suspect and then see what he says. Tell him you need to trust him and that you can't do that right now. You shouldn't have to keep checking up on him like this.

Failing that, you could try Relate who are very good at mediation. I wish you the best of luck but, to be honest, I think you deserve better X

Don't sweat the small stuff. It will make you stinky.

Re: Please help me i'm so confused!

Thanks very much for your reply Nina. Even though he may not have physically cheated on me but what he is/was doing is still unfaithful to me. I'm feeling both a sense of confusion and anger towards him. When ever I have told him about my friends texting other guys behind their boyfriends backs hes quick to call them a slut or something yet hes been doing this for most of our relationship. I'm still unsure of how to approach him because, this is going to sound stupid now but, I feel bad for going through his phones! How stupid is that because if I hadn't then I would be totally oblivious to what hes been doing?! I love him so much but I'm going to have to say something soon because this is tearing me apart! Thanks very much for your help.