what should i do??? so confused!!!!!

what should i do??? so confused!!!!!

right ok....this may come out a jumbled up so sorry about that....ive been with my boyfriend just over 5 months now and we have had our ups and downs like everyone does i guess but im so insecure and worry over the silliest things like he was staying at mine for a few months nearly every night and most of his things ended up here then he moved onto his boat which he is doing up and when its finished he said me and my daughter will move on it with him but now some of his things are on the boat and his not here as much ive got it in my head that its all going to go wrong and keep asking him for reasurance which is driving him mad and doing his head in....he has told me he loves me and isnt going anywhere and said its all going to be ok he even gave me his gold necklace that his nan gave him before she died and said if i was going anywhere i wouldnt have given u that!!!! i know it sounds silly but im so scared of losing him and yesterday he was tired and grumpy and i started being silly and in the end he told me to f off!!! but i rang him back and he answered and talked to me but was so off i just dont know what to do i love him so much and he has never given me reason to doubt him or anything so why am i being like this? someone please help!!!!!

Re: what should i do??? so confused!!!!!

Hiya,

It sounds like you have insecurity issues - please don't take this the wrong way. Your boyfriend probably isn't helping by not talking to you properly about it either.

I think you should sit down with him and say that you are not going to pester him, but you need to know where your relationship is heading and where he sees you both in the future. Tell him you need something more concrete and arrange to see him and his daughter at certain times of the week. Do you think it's the uncertainty that's making you so insecure? I think you should tell him this. Tell him it's because you love him so much that's causing you to feel so insecure too. Make sure you sound positive.

I hope this helps you. Men aren't the best at showing their feelings - most of them assume that you'll know without them telling you anything, I know my husband does anyway!

Don't sweat the small stuff. It will make you stinky.

Re: what should i do??? so confused!!!!!

Hi, poor you. Emotions get us in a right mess.

It does sound like your man loves you but you are, in spite of yourself, acting in a needy way because you're so worried. We've all felt and acted needy at times - it's just awful, because we don't mean to, but can't help ourselves, and our anxiety makes us act in strange ways we seem unable to control!

You're about to get sorted with a boat. You're in a state of transition between what you know and the unknown. Your nesting side that keeps you feeling safe and solid and secure is getting a bit of a shake around and it's leading to anxiety.

It might be a good idea to look at what's going on in your life - not just thinking about your man, but thinking about you. 

Is your man the centre of your life? If so, do you think it might help to try to do something that puts the focus back on you a bit?

You need to get your self-confidence back up, I think. That way, you'll have less energy to put your fears on your man - who's probably using most of his energy to work on the boat and make it good for you both! Put that energy you were spending on worrying into doing stuff that makes you feel more like your own person.

Are there some personal plans you've shelved in your life? Plans that you could start acting on, even in little ways?

It sounds as though the problem isn't your relationship, but your feelings of security and self-confidence. So - as well as looking at your security with your man, as Nina said - consider looking at ways to boost your self-confidence as a person. Not just beauty and make-up - make sure you do stuff that feels like it belongs to you, that you take pride in and enjoy. That should restore your sense of self a bit in this time of change.

Edited 10 months ago by UNKNOWN USER

Re: what should i do??? so confused!!!!!

hi thank you to you both for your help. ive had a long talk with my boyfriend and told him sometimes i feel pushed to the side with everything that is going on with the boat and him working all hours to get the money together to get it done.at the minute we are only seeing eachother at weekends but im managing ok ive started driving lessons which is going great it will give me more independance and something for me to focus on.i admitt he has been the main focus of my life for the past 6 months (apart from my daughter) which i know isnt healthy but im know getting over my fear of losing him and your right i think it was because everything is up in the air at the minute with the boat but im just going to concerntrate on being happy together and making the most of the time we do spend together and getting the boat done!!!! lol. i know he does love me but he isnt very good at showing his feeling and sometimes its nice to hear it.but i think he proved it this weekend bless him he came round on his motor bike in the freezing weather straight after work friday and again last night even tho he had worked till midnight saturday and been out all day sunday quad bike racing bless him covered in mud haha

Re: what should i do??? so confused!!!!!

 Hi Jo,

Wow, that's pretty amazing. You had a chat, sorted quality time AND started driving lessons! From how you were feeling at first I am really, really impressed. Seriously. I think it's easier to always be brave just because you're naturally brave than to have the courage to look at fears and try to change them.

Plus... you've got a muddy man that goes quad bike racing! That's brilliant, he sounds like a bit of a stunt man! That's very very cool

Good luck, hope it all goes well for ya x

Edited 10 months ago by UNKNOWN USER

Re: what should i do??? so confused!!!!!

I agree with Mooksy - well done Jo! And keep in touch on here with us all

Don't sweat the small stuff. It will make you stinky.