hi

hi

hi!!i need ur help!!! i dont know how to start but my problem is everytime i do out with a guy i start to panick my stomach starts hurting i imagine stuff and become scared.sometimes i dont go i stay home and when i with him i hardly talk i become shy why?

plz help me  

tan 

Re: hi

Hi sweetie,

You're going to have to give us a little more info! For instance, if you don't mind my asking, what age are you? Could it be that you're quite young and you haven't dated that many guys? If that's the case, it could be that you are getting real butterflies in the stomach because you're feeling so anxious about doing new stuff. Anxiety can be awful, but remember that he must like you, because he does want to go out and do things with you. Try to remember to laugh, and do and say things you think are funny - give yourself a little freedom to be yourself, because he'll probably like that, a lot, and it will make him feel comfortable, too.

Sometimes when we have pretty big feelings for someone but can't talk to them, it's because we don't really know them. You know they're hot, but you don't know much about them and what they like and don't like. Also... they may not know you that well, either. So you feel like you've got a lot to lose, because you're scared they might not like you. If that's the case - it's hard, but you're going to have to reveal some of yourself to this guy. You can't try to be the perfect girl, because unless you're both being yourselves, you'll never know if you're right for each other.

If you're right for each other, you'll get past the anxiety. If you're not... well, things not working out can be a bit painful. But time makes things better. Just say 'hey, it didn't happen, I wasn't ready, someone right for me will come along'. Pick yourself up and carry on. You'll have learned more about what's really important in a guy who's going to be in your life, and that's as good as actually going out with someone.

In your post you said "sometimes I imagine stuff". But you didn't say what. I'm sorry to ask - but are you imagining stuff that's happened to you in the past, that you don't want happening again? If that's the case, and it's serious, then you may have to look into it, and get help from people who know what they're doing to get your confidence back.

Maybe you're imagining stuff because you're anxious and you've got a good imagination?  It's okay, hon. That's just anxiety! Just take a deep breath, stay at home if you want to and don't feel bad about it, but if you can, take the chance and go out. Just try and set up dates you'll enjoy and not feel awkwrd, and where you can be more yourself in his company, and take it from there...

Just remember, the guy that's right for you will accept you as you are!

Re: hi

i am 30 yrs old.i am engaged and i ove im alot but everytime i want to go out i start to panick and i try to make excuse not go anywhere plz help to get over this cause its not good and it happened with other guys and they got tired and left and this loves me and understand but i need to get over it,plz help me

if u need details of my past i wil give me u maybe its from it and maybe it would help u help me

Tan 

Re: hi

i am 30 yrs old.i am engaged and i ove im alot but everytime i want to go out i start to panick and i try to make excuse not go anywhere plz help to get over this cause its not good and it happened with other guys and they got tired and left and this loves me and understand but i need to get over it,plz help me

if u need details of my past i wil give me u maybe its from it and maybe it would help u help me

Tan

Re: hi

 Hi hon -

I'm so sorry. If you're 30 and experienced, it sounds like - yes, this is going to be a pattern of anxiety, and it will be caused by something from your past. These things always are.

For the short-term:

See if you can take baby steps to adjust to going out with your man without kicking off the anxiety attack. Think about why you might have the anxiety in the first place, then think if there are any rules you could make for going out that would make you feel more secure.

It's so good that your man loves you and understands. Maybe he can help you think of some ways that you could take baby steps to go out - but in a way that you will find easier to cope with? At least you have someone you can talk to and be honest with.

Here are some options that might possibly help:

Would it help if I was home at a certain time, or knew in advance we weren't going out all evening?
Would it help if we got a taxi back?
Would it help if it was me choosing what we were going to do and where we were going to go?
Would it help if we went out during the daytime, not the evening?
Would it help if I had a friend who knew I'd call at some point in the evening, so they'd know I was okay?

There is a chance that (a) talking about it with your man, and (b) taking baby steps to go out - but only a little bit, and under your rules  - might give you a bit more feeling of control and security.

For the long-term:

You really might benefit from counselling from a professional third party who knows what they are doing and will have worked with people in your situation before.

The NHS do free counselling sessions I think, although they won't be forever, probably only a course of 6 weeks.

If you're really desperate, you might want to look into hypnotherapy - these cost around £50-£80 and are only a session or two. Hypnotherapy can help people give up smoking or cure their fear of flying, and they can help with some anxieties, too. I wouldn't say hypnotherapy is a guaranteed cure. Think of it more like a sticking plaster on a cut - it will give you a bit of a breather so you feel more balanced about your anxiety and might find better ways of dealing with it.

Good luck x

Re: hi

hi!!!

thank u so much for ur reply and would like you to help but i leave in lebanon and here i dont know anyone to go to help so what do i do?

or do i try ur advie maye it would work and give others too.please give me all the help u need. if u need to know anything personnel about me ask me i will tell u and give u my eamil maybe we ould via emails.

thank u so much

Tan 

Re: hi

Hello sweetie,

I'm really sorry - I don't think I have any more help to give! Even if I knew more about your situation, I wouldn't have enough time to give you as much help as you need.

All I can do is wish you the very best of luck. And please, think of small ways to make going out with your man easier to cope with. And if you feel really deeply unhappy, see if you can get professional help, or help from friends and family, where you live... but if it's possible, professional help would be better, just because friends and family know you too well and also have their own problems, whereas professional help will be there just for you.

Good luck Tan!