confidence

confidence

hiya guys

my problem relates to a lack of self confidence.  when i was married (have been divorced 3yrs but we were together for 10yrs) i wasn't allowed an opinion or to express my feelings so i learned to supress them and didn't confront anyone who upset me or treat me badly.

i'm in the wrong chat section i hear you say, well technically no i'm not.  I'm really good friends with a guy and have been for a few years - the last 10months or so being quite intense.  the thing is, this guy (also divorced) has lived on his own for 20years and is the typical bachelor bloke who doesn't seem to express his feelings easily.  I have seen a side to him that our mutual friends haven't and, although drunk at the time, he told me how he really really really liked me and how he's never had a friend like me before and also 'confessed' that he thinks we're an item - kinda !  I know he was drunk and learnt early on that most blokes talk sh*t with alcohol inside them but he has given me certain signals and behaved in a way that Joe Public would assume we are an item.  all our mutual friends class us as a couple because we go everywhere together but because we've never had 'the discussion' between us, i'm not 100% sure.

He calls round to see me three or four times a day if i'm not at work and he phones me every other day, i've met all his family including his 22yr old daughter who's away at uni most of the time.  A few days ago it was my birthday and his daughter was home from uni that weekend and he chose to stay in with her watching tv instead of come out for a few hours to celebrate my birthday.  This really hurt me, i've never intruded on his father/daughter time as he doesn't see much of her but the night out was on my actual birthday and he left it until dinnertime that day to tell me he wasn't going to be out.

I know i need to confront him and tell him how much it hurt (and if i'm honest put a downer on my nightout) but i also need to ask him where we stand.  I think he's funny, unintentionally sexy and we very often know what each others thinking and finish each others sentences. I'm not asking to move in with him, i don't want his children, i'm not hearing wedding bells, i just want to know where we stand - does he see me as purely a friend or is he happy for people to assume i'm his girlfriend? I obviously want more to develop from this but because i haven't the guts to ask him, i'm scared if i 'interrogate' him, he'll get scared and it'll ruin our friendship never mind any chance of a relationship.

I intended on bringing the subject up lastnight, i'd rehersed everything i was going to say to him but when it came to saying it i'd got myself that worked up, i couldn't. i drove home kicking myself and was really angry !

I don't want to carry on for the next 10yrs as we are now. If he's only interested in friendship, it'll be difficult at first but i want to be guilt free to seek a relationship elsewhere.

any confidence boosting tricks/ideas how to approach the subject will be much appreciated