how to deal with a teenager that always backchats and never seems gratful

how to deal with a teenager that always backchats and never seems gratful

as a single mum of 3 girls i have brought up myself and done everything i can for.... but all seems to be fallin apart now as i dont know how to deal with them as teenagers .. i have a 2 year old and a 12 and 14 year old... i feel they are so ungratfull for everything i give or do for them and most of the time i really dont like the way they talk to me... am i being silly... i know they are teens,but i have a 2 year old who will copy them. 

Re: how to deal with a teenager that always backchats and never seems gratful In reply to: mary3

that's hard. a really tricky age gap. but it sounds to me like you've brought them up really well and this is just a phase you have to get through. be consistent and keep loving them,e ven wehn you don't like them that much! good luck!

Re: how to deal with a teenager that always backchats and never seems gratful In reply to: mary3

hello, im 15 and i know that its not your falt i fall out with my mum alot to and shes a single parent and i know she gets quite upset when we fall out.you sound like a very caring parent and all teans have to rebal against there parents once in there life the only reason you are feeling it pretty hard is because they dont have another parent to take what ever it is out on them.they are probaly just copping there mates behaviour.there isnt really anything you can do as they will probaly rebal against you in what every way they can.try just showing them that its not bothering you what they are doing, if this doesnt work then you just have to try different things to see what they really what from you. this could be a cry for help/atenshion but DONT EVER go to them, let them come to you, make sure they no they can talk to you but  never use those words, also try not to invade there space that is what really tipsme over the edge with my mum she just walks into my room when she feels fit to.

hope everything works out... x

Edited about 1 year ago

Re: how to deal with a teenager that always backchats and never seems gratful In reply to: lil-grace

I think that it will be a long time before you're girls appreciate what you've done/ continue to do for them.  As a teen, often being grateful doesnt even cross their minds as the way they probly see it, you're their mum and that's your job, of course it would be nice to be appreciated but I think tha's something that comes with maturity and for now youll just have to put up with it!!

Re: how to deal with a teenager that always backchats and never seems gratful In reply to: chaz70

Reading your post brings back so many memories.

Oh I rmember it so well. Doors slamming, miserable faces, stamping up the stairs, blank expressions in response when trying to talk to them.  Unmade beds, rooms looking like a bomb has dropped and everything but everything MY fault, from the spots on thier faces to the bounderies I set.

I only have boys but. from conversations with friends that had teenage girls I sometimes think I got off lightly.

Don't dispair, despite all thiers comments to the contrary they love you really and will, in the main, gow out of it eventually. It's all part of being a teenager. You just have to try to stay cool, retain a sense of humour and  do your upmost not to pull all your hair out before they reach 20.

I wondered if I would survive them, thier wierd and wonderful friends, the loud and constant thumping of the most awful music pounding through the floorboads.

They are 32 and 30 respectively now, and I have a quiet chuckle to myelf when they talk about 'kids' these days. To listen to them they were the most wonderful, respectful and best behaved people they knew, and would never dream of having spoken or acted the way these teens do nowadays.

One is a trainee accountant, the other in IT, both happily married or settled with a long term partner.

In spite of thier best efforts at rebellion and parental domination they are fine and I am proud of them both.

Look forward to knowing them once they have outgrown this phase. One day not too far away, they will be proud to acknowledge YOU as thier Mum once again. 

Re: how to deal with a teenager that always backchats and never seems gratful

 Hello,

I'm 16 years old; and I went through a rebellious time for about a year or so too; but I got over it. and the way I got over it was by my mom and dad being tough with me; taking no crap from me.

The thing you should do is sit down and talk to them about it. Devise a way of getting them to start being more grateful for the things they have. Be tough with them; maybe start making them do chores around the house?

I certainly started doing chores around the house at 12; so why don't you make up a timetable for all 3 of you on when to do different chores.

You can explain to them that you're doing it to show them the responsibilities of being an adult; and just think, you're eldest is an adult in 4 years or so - they need to learn how to fend for themselves, and to stop taking things for granted and just get things done.

I certainly know that if I have kids, I won't take any crap from them and will most probably do this exact plan myself. Trust me, it does help. My parents started doing it with me and I stopped being an absolute pain in the a** and started helping around a bit more.

I'm now more independent, more grateful for what I've got, and I've even now got a job.

So seriously, try it, and good luck.

x