More sleep strategies
Gradual withdrawal
This is a really effective technique for getting your older baby or child to settle herself to sleep. It's especially useful for toddlers who aren't used to sleeping in their own bed, or who need to be physically close to get to sleep.
Every night, tuck her up in her own bed or cot, say good night, but then stay in the room. This doesn't mean you continue to talk, touch or play with her, you just provide a comforting presence. Don't even make eye contact.
As the days continue, gradually move further away from your child, until you're able to move away from the bed and right out of the room altogether.
Rapid return
This is a 'tough love' approach for toddlers but works well when there are chronic sleep problems, especially when these involve aggression or tantrums. It's the night-time equivalent to 'time out', and you need to be really, really strong and clear about what's going to happen. It's hard to implement, but it's worth it. You can start using the gradual withdrawal method if that's easier.
The rapid return technique means you tuck your toddler into her bed, turn out the light, say good night and leave the room. If she gets out of bed, take them back gently and straight away, without speaking and without losing your temper (which is very difficult when it's the 20th time that night). Repeat this process promptly and assertively as often as needed, until she eventually falls asleep.
It can be exhausting, so wherever possible, try to enrol the help of your partner and swap shifts, but make sure you're in complete agreement about what to do, so as to avoid sending confused messages to your little one.
Incentives, praise and reward
However you decide to tackle your child's sleep problem, some bargaining will probably be required in the early stages. It's okay to negotiate a deal that promises a treat the next day, but don't make a habit of it. If your child has met the goal you set, whether that's sleeping through the night or staying in her own bed, lavish her with praise. Then set new goals and this should help her form a link between being good, and being in your good books.
Stickers rarely fail as a means of showing children how well they're doing. If your child is old enough to grasp the concept of a night-time fairy, then tell her that the fairy will be waiting to see how well she goes to sleep, and then the fairy will add
a sticker to her chart.
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Where to next?
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Dealing with sleep problems
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Early-morning wake-up
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Establishing a bedtime routine
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Get your child to sleep through the night
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Help your child get a good night's sleep
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Sleeping problems in children with Down's Syndrome
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When your baby's too tired to sleep
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Your baby's sleeping pattern
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Babies who struggle to sleep on their back
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Baby sleep solutions continued
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Baby sleep tips: Day & night, make noise
Please leave a comment, tip or story in the box below
hayley, about 1 year
My 13 month old boy has always been good at going to bed up until last week when he has cried uncontrollaby for the last 6 nights in a row! he will not let me go any where with out him and when he does go to bed as soon as i step out of the room he screams the house down (gags and is usually sick)! im at my wits end with him because he is also waking 3-4 times in the night and controlled crying doent seem to work! he has a very good bedtime routine (its been the same since he was born) bath bottle and bed at 7pm! he only naps for an hour in the day so it cant be because he has had to much sleep! i just dont know what to do with him! im completely sleep deprived and so is my partner ! any suggestions would be great xx
Report this commentabigail hume, about 1 year
my 7 month old daughter just wont sleep we have a continuous battle every night to the point were she cries so bad she makes herself sick this can go on for up to 2 hrs, i put her in her cot, in bed, stand up sit down and nothing works!! she has now also started waking at 4am to play n then its another battle to get her back to sleep. she is tired but she seems to fight it to the biter end, any ideas???
Report this commentCarol Carlini, about 1 year
I so understand this routine, but my 4 year old daughter will scream and cry so hard that she gags and throws up (vomits) all over. We are so so tired of this routine. I can see putting them back in over and over and only wish for us that is was that easy. We end up changing her clothes and bedding several times a night in our efforts to get her to stay in bed. CAN ANYONE OUT THERE HELP WITH THIS????
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marie, 12 months
My 9 month old daughter just will not go to bed, it takes maybe 2 hours to get her to go to sleep, we stick to the same routine, bath, bottle and bed by 7.30. when she finally does go to sleep she is then waking several times throughout the night!! we have tried controlled crying, soothing her, staying in her room talking to her, cuddling her, everything - you name it we seem to have tried it!! i have tried bringing her bedtime forward to 7pm and tried putting it back to 8pm but it just makes no difference! any suggestions PLEASE.....
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