Rules for a successful sleep routine

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1. Just say 'no'

As a parent, you set the boundaries. Assertiveness and consistency are critical. Once you've decided on a course of action, be strong and be clear. It doesn't mean that you don't love your child.

2. The lonely parent

Being a parent is tough and can be lonely, especially in the middle of the night. If you feel down, don't be tempted to wake or cuddle your baby. Phone a friend instead.

3. Make his room special

Make your tot's bedroom a place he wants to be, so that he looks forward to being in his own space. Try muted coloured mobiles for babies, a favourite fluffy toy that only comes out at night, or soothing music. Avoid bright colours, or mobiles with flashing lights. Blackout blinds might also help.

4. Sleep associations

Children and babies sleep better if they have recognisable clues to remind them that it's time to go to sleep. Try a familiar routine, like bath, own bed, short story, kiss, lights out, sleep. Remember, if they fall asleep in your arms, or in front of the TV, then when they wake in the night, they'll need these things to return to sleep.

5. Choose a routine

Find an appropriate bedtime routine for your baby or child's age and stick to it. Allow time for them to have washed, eaten, changed and listened to a story. Stick to the routine if you're away from home, as much as possible.

6. Play it down

If your little one is sick in the night, or soils the bed, deal with the problem with minimum fuss. If you give it too much attention, your child may begin to associate it as a way of getting you into their room.

7. Calm and quiet

By all means play with your little ones, but when bedtime approaches, wind it down. Any stimulation before bed just makes it harder for them to get to sleep.

8. Keep a diary

When you change your child's bedtime routine, it's a good idea to keep a diary to help remember your progress. It can be hard to believe things are changing when you've taken him back to bed 20 times, but if your notes tell you that two nights ago you were having to do it 25 times, you can't argue with that.

9. Create a friendly monster

Little people are scared of the dark and this is partly due to their imaginations running riot ? it's hard for an under-5 to know the difference between an imaginary world and the real world. Try telling him a story about a monster, but say that this was a really nice monster who couldn't understand why little boys were so scared of him? soon your child will feel more in control of the situation and his anxiety will reduce.

10. Don't go it alone

Breaking habitual behaviour is hard. If your baby has learned to fall asleep on your breast and now you feel the time has come to break this pattern, it will take strength for you to see it through. Likewise, if he's always fallen asleep with Dad on the living room sofa, changing this will be tough. Don't underestimate how hard it will be, and make sure you talk about it to your partner, if you have one, your family or friends - you'll need support too.

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