Dealing with stroppy teenagers

Charlii, 6 months

Heyy Beth, Im 12 and I have anger problems like you i am always getting in trouble in school. i found a way is close your eyes count to ten and breath just try not to let any thing get to you. Also try boxing or a sport like that I have started boxing and my temper has got better. It takes your agression out so you dont take it out on people. Try talking to someone who you trust like a bestfriend your mum. Hope You Do well Charlii..x

Report this comment

Sarah, 11 months

To Judith, Dawn is trying to hold your daughter to ransom and control the whole family. She is 12-a child. She has acquired a power way beyond her years. It has to be made clear to her, in a calm fashion-by the parents' words and deeds, that her behaviour will not and cannot disrupt her mother's right to have a proper adult relationship and lead a full family life. No shouting matches however, as this just reinforces Dawn's view that her mother and Tom "don't love me". Tom's presence in the household is non negotiable, but unfortunately by his leaving once already, Dawn has been given the sign that she can get her way and if she persists she will get her way again. Tom is also entitled to tick her off (again-in a calm and non confrontational manner) if she is rude. Silence in Dawn's mind makes him seem like a doormat (I've been here myself) and merely gives her the green light to carry on. As for listening at the door "to make sure they don;t have sex"-it sounds like Dawn has again got her way. Your daughter should ignore it and feel no shame! There are obviously real jealousy issues here too-mother and daughter need to spend quality time together without the rest of the family. All this is so easy to say, but far harder to put into practice! Sarah

Report this comment

jacqui, about 1 year

Dear Beth i have a teenage son who unfortunately is always in trouble at school for losing his temper. Do you not have a quiet area at school thaat you can calm down when anger starts to appear or a mentor that you can talk to. My sonsschool has appointed a councellor for him, you can tell them anything to get things off your chest and its all confidential. Ask about an anger management course and dont be ashamed about it, you wont be alone and you can learn from otherpeoples experience. Lastly, i dont think there is anything wrong with you i think you just need to talk i'm sure things will work out for you good luck be thinking of you and dont forget just talk out your problems it will help you not to lose you temper love jacqui

Report this comment

Iain R, about 1 year

Comment to Judith - This is a very difficult situation but I think it's quite common. I have been in Tom's position. Your granddaughter is probably jealous of her mum's partner and perhaps scared that she may lose her mum's affection if he stays. It's important to remember that a parent can't "lose" their child - they are still their child whatever happens. It sounds like pretty much everyone loses here if Tom leaves. Things that might work: stay totally calm and non-aggressive regardless of the provocation (very hard but effective); make time to be individually with the daughter; don't reward negative behaviour (including rising to the bait); have a "family conference" and agree some house rules. E.g. agree that Tom is not Dawn's dad; but each is expected to give the other basic respect and consideration (and that means talking when necessary). Best of luck! Sounds like we need a support group! -Iain

Report this comment

beth, about 1 year

hi i am 13 years old and i have anger problems i am always getting into trouble at school because if a teacher has a go at me then i cant keep calm i just get so worked up and i cant help it i sometimes take it out on someone who's fault it wasn't e.g. friends & family. What is wrong with me do i have something wrong with me. please wil someone let me know. email me if you think you know what i have got and what it is and what it is called. xbethx

Report this comment

judith phillips, about 1 year

My grand daughter is a lovely girl, however she is making her mum and dads life a misery. Dawn has always been posessive over her mum, but since marrying tom she is worst she gave her mum a choice tom or her. My daughter did not want to lose her daughter so she asked Tom too leave. This made Dawn happy but mum and siblings miserable. dawn is the oldest at 12 followd by somer 8 , then fern 3 who is toms child. the younger 2 missed thier dad so much, so Tom came back, laying down rules that tom would not say any thing to Dawn to keep the peace. However it has not worked. She lisens out side the door to make sure they do not have sex, and totaly disrupts the house. My daughter is at her wits end please advise how to handle the situation. thanks judy.

Report this comment