Getting them to open up
Don't probe. Repeated questioning is a sure way to make a child feel defensive and unco-operative.
Make time together on a regular basis but without any particular agenda. 'Many opportunities are created if you choose to eat dinner together or give them a lift somewhere,' says psychologist Linda Blair. 'It's amazing what a child will say when you are driving or eating together. Try to appear relaxed, and listen hard.'
Remember: Children who don't talk usually feel ashamed and partly responsible for anything that has happened. We need to let them know that they won't be blamed.
Still keeping quiet?
'It's not unusual for a child, particularly an adolescent, to feel they can't tell their parents about situations where they feel they're failing in some way,' says Linda Blair. 'In some ways you should welcome this as an opportunity to help your child widen their support network.'
Another excellent and often overlooked source is the parents of your child's friends, as they're in touch with the worries of that age group too. Aunts, uncles and grandparents are other possible sources, as long as your child feels comfortable with them.
What can others do to help
Linda Blair says: 'Long-term our society needs to concentrate on teaching children how to listen. Social skills courses in schools are a great way of doing this. Later on in life, if you know you're being listened to, you'll be able to talk more freely.'
Chris Cloke says: 'Every school should have a counselling service, with peer support groups alongside it. It's vital that children feel they can get help. They have the right to a happy life.'
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