Getting them to open up

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Don't probe. Repeated questioning is a sure way to make a child feel defensive and unco-operative.

Make time together on a regular basis but without any particular agenda. 'Many opportunities are created if you choose to eat dinner together or give them a lift somewhere,' says psychologist Linda Blair. 'It's amazing what a child will say when you are driving or eating together. Try to appear relaxed, and listen hard.'

Remember: Children who don't talk usually feel ashamed and partly responsible for anything that has happened. We need to let them know that they won't be blamed.

Still keeping quiet?

'It's not unusual for a child, particularly an adolescent, to feel they can't tell their parents about situations where they feel they're failing in some way,' says Linda Blair. 'In some ways you should welcome this as an opportunity to help your child widen their support network.'

Another excellent and often overlooked source is the parents of your child's friends, as they're in touch with the worries of that age group too. Aunts, uncles and grandparents are other possible sources, as long as your child feels comfortable with them.

What can others do to help

Linda Blair says: 'Long-term our society needs to concentrate on teaching children how to listen. Social skills courses in schools are a great way of doing this. Later on in life, if you know you're being listened to, you'll be able to talk more freely.'

Chris Cloke says: 'Every school should have a counselling service, with peer support groups alongside it. It's vital that children feel they can get help. They have the right to a happy life.'

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Getting them to open up

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Ben, 6 months

im 13 and never tell my mom anything. i don't even tell her unimportant things because im afraid i will let something slip. so why don't i tell her things? simple. she freaks out about anything she knows. if i told her half of when went on in my life she probably would have a heard atack. ive learned this the hard way. i also never let her really met my fiends because they are not the kind of people she aproves of. if you want your kid to talk to you, you can't freak out about everything and tell them how wrong they are and yell at then for it. if you want your teen to talk, listen, because we would love to talk to you but don't think we can

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