Eat! Sleep! Please!

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For most families the problems seem to centre on those two old favourites: eating and sleeping. Kerry, 34, says her 3-year-old, Becky, has always been a fussy eater. 'If I try to give her the same meal as the rest of the family, she acts like she's about to throw up. So I end up making her something she does like, usually chips.'

Research shows that it takes parents today around 56 minutes to get their children off to sleep in the evening, double the time it took our own mums and dads. Around seven in 10 mums take their baby into their own bed. The average new mum gets three-and-a-half hours sleep each night, compared with the five hours our mothers enjoyed.

Samantha's son, Thomas, who is 21 months, has never slept in his own bed. Natalie, 22, says, 'We had to get him a bed when he started climbing out of his cot at 13 months, but he refuses to go near it. Instead he takes up most of our bed.'

'If we try putting him down in his bed he screams, cries, throws things, bites - you name it. In the past he's been up until 2am. By that time I'm so exhausted, I just give in. Both my partner and I work full-time so having him in bed with us seems like the easiest thing to do if we want to get any sleep at all.'

Giving in is, according to Amanda,a major part of the problem. 'A lot of parents say "no" nine times then, by the 10th time, they're so tired they say "yes". This is a crucial mistake, because one of the key things with a toddler is consistent boundaries.'

Ros agrees. 'Toddlers test the boundaries not because they want to make your life hell, but because they are establishing their own identity, learning where you stop and they start,' she says. 'It's important that the boundaries stay the same in order for the child to feel secure. Saying "no" will result in a tantrum because that's their way of knowing that the boundary is firm.'

Ros recommends beginning a new regime when you can cope with disturbed sleep. 'Start on Friday and by the end of the weekend the problem will be solved. If it works once, you'll be less afraid to do it again because you know what you're going to have to go through and that it will be successful.'

Although toddlers act like they're in charge, they know they're not really - or at least that they shouldn't be. As Ros says, 'You're not doing them any favours if you don't let them know where the boundaries are.'

By Keris Stainton