Building your child's confidence: letting go

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How much and when is up to you:

• If you have an older child, you may feel happy to leave your pre-teener at home with them unsupervised. Think first. How well do they get on? Will they argue whilst you're out? If you're concerned that your children wouldn't be able to cope or would panic in an emergency, don't leave them.
• If you're not happy about your pre-teener going to the shop or to school on their own, then walk with them there for the first few times and show them the safest route that avoids busy roads. Talk them through what they would do if they ran into trouble. Then walk half the way there and meet them on the way back.
• There's undoubtedly safety in numbers, so check with other parents if they're happy for their child to travel to school or out locally with yours.
• You may not approve of your ten or 11-year-old having a mobile phone, but they are a good way of monitoring their movements. If you feel happy about your child having one, buy the cheapest you can and only let them have it when they're out without you (e.g. to let you know they've got to their friend's house safely). Tell them it's not a toy and to keep it hidden at all times.
• A family shopping trip can be a great opportunity to let them have a first taste of freedom with a friend or an older sibling. If you're in a department store, tell them you'll meet them in a quarter of an hour in the café, for example. Gradually build up the time you allow them to go off on their own on subsequent shopping trips and take this perk away if they abuse the time they're allowed. Give them your mobile number so they can contact you if they get lost or in trouble or tell them to go to a shop assistant and tell them they are lost. Again, if you're happy letting them have one, a mobile is a great way to keep tabs on them at the shops.

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By Julia Shaw