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Yes, it's inevitable that those demonstrations of your favourite disco dances around the kitchen and singing along to the latest hits will make your pre-teen wince, particularly in front of his friends. He may ask you not to run up to him in the playground any more and give him a big hug, or feel embarrassed about the clothes you wear.

Don't be upset. They're just trying to act independently. Just see it as a useful trial run for when they hit their teens properly and refuse to communicate with you at all!

Give them lots of attention

Hugs in public may be banned, but they may still appreciate a hug or goodnight kiss behind closed doors.

What about their friends?

You may be delighted that they're socialising more but at the same time worried about the influence that their friends have on them. Remember:

• It's only natural that they'll want to start spending more time with their friends now. Peer pressure will be strong, but that doesn't have to be all-bad. Having a supportive group of friends now will stand them in good stead for when they reach their teens.
• Try not to criticise their friends. They won't open up to you about their relationships if you do. Keep an open mind.
• Get to know their friends. Make them feel welcome by inviting them around or organising an outing with a few of their friends..
• If you're concerned your child may be influenced by peer pressure, help them say no to it by making them feel comfortable about expressing their own opinions. Explain that their friends may be showing off and that it's OK for them to disagree with them and speak their mind. Talk to them about how they'd handle a situation if they didn't feel comfortable with it.
• If you think they may be being bullied, ask if there is anything you can do to help and let them know you are always there to talk to.
• Talk to them about what makes a good friend. Why their friends are special to them and what they like about them. Explain that you would look for kindness, someone who makes you laugh and gives you support.

More help and advice

- Getting their first mobile phone
- Ways to encourage their independence
- Teach children the value of money

- Parentline Plus - support for parents. Tel: 0808 800 2222 Email: parentsupport@parentlineplus.org.uk
- Kidscape - for advice on bullying
- R U Thinking - advice for young people under 18 on sex, relationships and contraception.
- FRANK - advice on drugs 0800 776600

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