What to do when you want a baby and he doesn't
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We sympathise if you and your partner are arguing about whether to start a family. There's no easy answer, but men do have a few common fears.
Understanding what they are, and knowing how to respond, will help you make a decision. Read our advice on the eight reasons why he doesn't want kids.
'I'm too young to settle down. I want to have fun'
Solution: How old is he? Maybe he is too young - maybe you both are. Ask yourself if he could be right? Are you trying to hurry him without good cause? Could you afford to wait a few years?
If you really do think that time is running out, calmly explain why. Men can still have babies in their seventies so perhaps his biological clock isn't ticking quite as loudly as yours. Remind him that the older you are, the more difficult it can be to conceive. But imagine the fun you could have trying!
'I'm too old, I don't want to look like a grandfather'
Solution: Point out the advantages of being a more mature parent. Reassure him that children don't care how old their dad is, providing he loves them and takes an interest in their lives. You don't have to be 25 to push a swing or read a bedtime story.
Older dads are often wiser and more patient with their children - that's far more important than being able to run a marathon with them.
'My mates have put me off'
Solution: New dads like to frighten their mates with horror stories about babies. The sleepless nights, the endless crying, and the lack of sex are real enough, but they don't last forever. However, he's not going to take your word for it, so let his mates put him straight.
Tell them to cut down the scare stories (they've scared him enough) and ask them to bring a few baby photographs along the next time they meet up. Pictures of dads holding babies are very cute and can't fail to impress him.
'I'm not ready yet, stop nagging me'
Solution: Tell him you know that having children is a massive decision and of course you don't want to rush him into it, but you need some sort of time-frame, otherwise you'll think he's just stringing you along. He's right about nagging though because it really doesn't work.
You can't nag him into having a child, so now that you've made your point, promise to stop talking about babies for a couple of months. In return, he must promise to sit down and talk seriously about it again, once this time has lapsed.
- Next: more reasons why he doesn't want a baby
More help and advice
- 10 things you need to know about ovulation
- Expert advice and tips on conception
- Bring some romance into your life
- Coping with your child if you split up
By Kate Corr
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very sad, 5 months
I am 33 he is 36 married nearly 4 years first marriage for both of us I am desperate to have a child he said before marriage he wants children too bu keeps putting it off. His sister has one and one on the way and our lives seem to have yo revolve around her, her child is the only thing the family talk about and it makes me feel worse.
Report this commentUnhappy Wife, 8 months
I'm 29 in a few days, my husband is 30. I have a child from a previous realtionship his 4. I really wanted to have a another child. I was hoping they would be close in age, so they have a close bond. My Husband said he wanted kids before we got married and his telling people we will be having one in a couple of years. Now he is telling me he does not want any children of his own. I feel I have been strung along. What I don't understand is he has made a commitment to me through Marraige and a committment to our son. This is putting a strain on our marraige, I love him enough to stay with him, if we had tried and it didn't happen, I feel I shouldn't stay with if he is prepared to make me resent him for the rest of our lifes. Is that Fair?
Report this commentJanell, 9 months
I am 33 with 2 children, he is 38 with 2 children, both from prior relationships. We have been together for almost 7 years. We have talked about having a baby nearly 4 years ago and he keeps putting off talking about it. He has told me a few times that he really wants one but has never actually tried to make one. I am burning inside because i feel he is stringing me along. It is hurting me and its making me want to leave him i dont know how to handle this calmly.
Report this commentdonna, 9 months
i've been with my partner for over seven years. i got divorced 9 years ago and have a child from that relationship. although, of course, i'm grateful for having the child i have, i'm desperate for another. but everytime i bring up the subject my partner shuts down on me. he accuses me of 'picking on him' and 'trying to start an arguement'. all i'm trying to do is explain how important this is to me and see if it's ever an option with him. i really don't know what to do, i'm 33 next month and i feel it's be with the man i love or have the baby my heart is desperately longing for. :(
Report this commentReally Sad Wife, 11 months
Hi I'm 28 years old and I don't know if it's becuase I'm getting closer to 30 but I want a baby more than anything in the world. I can't get it out of my mind, all my friends have kids and eveywhere I look I see people with babies or pregnant, it's killing me! My husband is saying that he never wants any children, before we got married he always just said he wasn't ready right now (and neither was I at the time) but now that I am ready he's saying never. I don't know what to do, besides just sayin gno and getting mad he won't talk about it with me. He doesn't even want to deal with the subject...If I never have a babyI will not be happy and I'm afraid this might end my marriage :(
Report this commentlaura, 12 months
im near 18 and i want to have kids andsettle down aa a happily family but my boy doesnt. he already has 3 of his own lyk and sayd it would b 2 much for me but i brought up my we sister tht is now 6 and i had her senceshe was no age lyk. i no how to handle them when they r crying and i just love them to bits. i have askd him plenty of times and he sayd not til im 22 hehe. so not fair lyk if u want a child and 2 settledown ask him and if he says no ask when then because u want to no. i have did tht and i got my answer so i need to wait another 4 years til i can have a child. when i do if i do il keep u posting and let yas no. what i have and wat he/she weighs :D xo
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lynda 40, 10 days
hi im lynda im 40 iv been married 26 years my husband 19 years old then me i realy want a baby befor my time runs out all he says is no he to old PLEASE HELP ME FIND AWAY IN CHANGING HIS MIND
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