What to do when you want a baby and he doesn't - part 2
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'I'm happy as we are. I don't want to share you'
Solution: Tell him you love him and are happy too, but having a child would make you even happier and bring you both great joy. Try to see his point of view though. Having children does change your life completely and the changes can be tough at first.
He's probably scared that you'll be so pre-occupied with the baby you'll forget about him. Explain that although a baby may keep you busy, it won't stop you loving him. Reassure him that love doesn't run out - you will have enough for both of them.
'We can't afford it. Children cost a fortune and money's tight already'
Solution: This is a fair point so don't dismiss it outright or he'll think you're so obsessed with becoming a mum that you've lost all common sense. Instead of saying 'oh don't worry about money, babies don't have to cost very much', tell him you've had the same thoughts too but feel you could make it work.
Then sit down with him and explain carefully how you could manage it, without going into debt. If he can see that you're taking the practical issues seriously, he will take you more seriously too.
'I've got kids already I don't want any more'
Solution: Have you known this all along? If he has children from a previous relationship and has always been open and honest about not wanting any more, there's very little you can do. You can explain how much you would like to have a baby together, but expecting him to change his mind, isn't fair. Instead, focus on what you already have.
His children may not be your flesh and blood but you still have a very important part in their life. Step-children can bring great love and fulfilment, but if you'd always secretly be wishing for a child 'of your own' it's not going to work. Better to say goodbye to him now and start looking for someone who shares your dreams.
'I've changed my mind - what's wrong with that?'
Solution: Everyone's entitled to change their mind, but you are also entitled to be devastated, especially if he had previously led you to believe he DID want children. You need to be honest with him and let him see how upset you are. Tell him you have some serious thinking to do.
Unless you can completely accept his decision and see yourself living quite happily together without children, then your relationship could be over. Otherwise, imagine how bitter and resentful you could feel towards him in the future, when it's too late to go back? But take your time making this decision. If you need more help go to www.relate.org.uk
PS Don't trick him!
It may be very tempting to just 'forget' to take your Pill, especially if you think he'll be a great dad and just needs to be 'pushed' into action. But no matter how you try to justify it, you would still be deceiving him - and if he finds out he will never trust you again. That's no way to start a family - is it?
More help and advice
- 10 things you need to know about ovulation
- Expert advice and tips on conception
- Bring some romance into your life
- Coping with your child if you split up
By Kate Corr
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ashley, 9 months
look there are people out there that can not havekinds and people thatcan think of that u can have kinds but they can not its not very nice to ere that i dont want a kind but there sitting there thing if i could have 1 i would be over the moon so just thing
Report this commentchezza, 12 months
Ive just been reading about "i want a baby but he dosent" and the ways you can change his mind. You cant nag a bloke into having a child and telling him it will make you both closer and happier is fr from reality! A baby is a strain on any relationship and telling him it will make him happier is far from the truth! The article i personally think is advising women on how to trick him. Its simply selfish! it should be a joint decision.
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melady, 3 months
no i dont think the is telling them to trick them just understsand there resons better
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