Your first year with twins: Individuality
Bonding with each baby
Something that some new mums struggle with when raising twins is finding time to bond with their babies individually. Meeting the needs of two developing babies is a huge challenge and there are bound to be times when you feel split down the middle and anxious that neither baby is benefitting from your undivided attention.
Your babies might also have very different personalities. One might be placid and easily pleased while the other might scream whenever you put them down. If this is the case, it can be hard to not give the louder more demanding one more attention - if only to keep them quiet. But you shouldn't feel guilty about this.
Being fair doesn't mean that you have to treat your twins in the same way but you do need to think of a solution. Get dad or the grandparents to take the needier twin out for a few hours, so that you get time with your other twin, or if you're lacking people close by to take one off your hands for a while, try leaving one to play under the baby gym while you scoop the other one up for cuddles.
A mum's advice
'My boy and girl twins were like chalk and cheese. Tom was an angelic little baby whereas Millie was a monster! She was just so demanding, Tom didn't get a look in. She'd scream all day long whereas Tom would lie on his mat and play happily and I'd feel so guilty that she was getting all the attention just because she was more difficult.
It started to upset me so when my husband got home from work I'd make him take Millie upstairs for a while or out for a walk so that I could have some time for just me and my son.'
Karen Haynes, Mum to Tom and Millie, 10
Encouraging individuality
It's up to you whether you dress your twins the same or differently but apart from looking cute there are really few benefits to making them more alike than they already are. It'll save you money not forking out on two of every outfit and you should really be trying to encourage your twins' individual identities to grow wherever possible.
As they get older there's bound to be some level of competitiveness between them and so it's best to focus on their individual strengths and not put them in situations where they feel like they are being compared.
Some schools split twins up into separate classes and while this might seem cruel, it could be really good for them. Starting school is scary but other kids manage and it could be good for them to not rely on their brother or sister so much.
By Charlotte Gunn
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