Tips on death in the family and children

Death and children | Helping your child to grieve | How children cope and react to death

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Coping with a funeral

A family funeral is a very important event, and the days when children didn't attend for fear of them getting upset, are long gone.

However, don't be too casual about it. Make sure you've explained exactly what will happen beforehand, so they don't get any nasty shocks or surprises when they see the coffin or visit the cemetery.

Make sure they understand that it's a very special occasion, which may be sad and happy at the same time: 'It's sad because we miss the person who died, but happy because they aren't suffering anymore/are in heaven.'

Don't worry if the entire day passes without them shedding a tear, or if they misbehave, laugh, or tell you they're bored. These are all perfectly normal reactions.

Afterwards

Don't stop talking about a loved one because you don't want to upset your children, or you're frightened of breaking down in front of them. It will upset them more if they think you have forgotten.

Instead, talk about them in normal conversation, share funny stories, look at photos. Help them make a memory box containing precious things like postcards, photographs, letters, football tickets, etc.

Encourage them to write a story about what happened, or draw a picture. If they want to make birthday cards and Christmas cards for the person who died, let them.