Real life teen stories: 'My daughter started having sex at 14'

(6 ratings)
mum and teenage daughter talking
In our series of real-life teen stories, mums of teens talk about issues they had with their kids and how they overcame them.

goodtoknow user Sue, is mum to a teenage son and daughter. She was worried when her daughter, Amy, started having sex at 14. She shares her story of how she dealt with the situation and managed to keep her daughter's trust.

'Amy came to talk to me when she got a boyfriend'

I've always spoken very openly with Amy about sex and said that as she grew older and had relationships she would need to think about contraception. When she was 14, Amy got a boyfriend who she was with for about 8 months and she came to talk to me. We went to the doctors together and the doctor discussed all the issues and he decided Amy should go on the Pill.

I remember talking to the doctor and thinking that it was the right thing to do, although I did feel uncomfortable that Amy was so young and that she might be on the Pill for many years to come. But I felt it was necessary and I was glad that Amy was comfortable talking to me.

'Sometimes she tells me too much!'

The relationship didn't last that long - but I think it was great that we were able to talk about sex. Amy is now 19 and has always been very open with me and will talk about girly stuff. Sometimes she does tell me too much, I think, about positions, penis size and so on, and I always state that she's entitled to a private life and some things I don't need to know about. But we do have a laugh about some things that you don't normally discuss.

When I first had kids I always thought that I wouldn't let them sleep in the same bed as their boyfriends and girlfriends, but somehow this went out of the window with Amy - probably due to circumstances, like me being a single parent and not being in all the time. I do wish that I'd reinforced this until Amy was about 18 though.

'Humour can get you round anything'

Recently I had lunch with Amy and her friend and we started talking about sex. Her friend said she wished she could talk to her mum about sex in the same way, because her parents have always avoided talking about sex, like it doesn't exist. Her boyfriend isn't allowed to sleep over and he isn't allowed a girlfriend to sleep over at his house either, so she said they end up having sex in the house while the parents are there, or outdoors, like on a bench at the canal. She says if her mum caught them, she'd go demented.

At the end of the day, teens are going to have sex. It's healthy and natural, and it's best to be real and speak to them about it. But it may depend on how your family communicates - some families are very insular and private, others are open with emotions and communicate freely about any subject. Humour gets around everything. Can you remember the thought of your parents or grandparents having sex - yuck!

Continued below...

Where to next?

- Raising teens survival guide
- Teen relationships
- Talking to your teen

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