Before you had kids life was so simple. For one, you could make Friday night plans without implementing a military-style strategy including bed times, babysitters and how to get home before midnight.
Ever since you have been blessed with a brood of your own there have been certain things that have happened in your life that make you feel slightly uncomfortable. For example, when did it become okay to wear the same outfit for an entire week? And is it normal that reheating your tea in the microwave is just an hourly occurance now?
Relying on a glass of wine in order to relax once the kids are in bed
Wine used to be a fun weekend drink with the girls, now it's like a prescribed antidote to having to be enthusiastic ALL the time.
Reading your child's book/watching a film so many times that you've actually broken/got rid of it
But if you had to read that same book one more time, you might have done something worse than thrown it in the fire while your child was sweetly sleeping in bed. Frozen is good for nobody.
Being so deprived of sleep that you feel delirious
Have you ever felt like you're having an outer body experience because you're SO tired? How are children so energetic all the time? Sleep little people, sleep. Please?
Actually being able to keep some small beings alive on aforementioned lack of sleep
If someone had told you before you had children how little sleep you were going to get for around the next 10 years, you probably would have taken contraception more seriously. Only joking (sort of)!
The rate at which you go through money, is this some kind of joke?
Maybe all those promises of birthday presents and holidays will have to be retracted actually.
Spending an obscene amount of time washing, drying and ironing clothes
Yet you seem to wear the same outfit for a week and that damn washing pile never has the good manners to shrink.
Driving as many miles as Lewis Hamilton has in his entire career, every week
Why oh why did you sign them all up to every single available club at school, and why are they all at different locations at different times? Talk about logistical nightmare once you've got more than one child on your hands.
Thinking it's totally normal for your child to shout 'Muuummmm' from the toilet
To summon you to clean their bottom. It's much too much hassle for them to deal with themselves you know. And why would they when they have a willing slave in you? No brainer.
Answering so many questions
They might be small in size but they've got a lot of life's big questions on their minds, and they need them answered, now!
Telling lies to your children
Like if they don't go to bed Santa won't come, and not even feeling slightly guilty about it.
Being so content with so very little sex
When exactly do parents have the time? Very rarely is the answer, and even if you do have the time you'd probably rather just sleep.
Sleeping in the strangest places
You've got to make hay while the sun shines, as they say. Having a quick nap in the car while the kids are in their swimming lesson is totally okay since you've become a mum, and you don't even care who sees you.
Letting your children do exactly as they please every so often
We can't all be super mums and sometimes we'll do anything for a bit of peace and quiet.
Being weed on
Regularly. In fact, you've got so used to it now you hardly even flinch and have probably answered the front door to someone at some point with urine down your top.
Having to physically defend yourself against your own offspring
How did they get so strong, and so angry?
Feeling trapped in a house of soft toys
Why won't they stop making that same noise, over and over again?
Having so many friends who are also mums
You hadn't previously considered the possibility of so many babies in one room, and paying so little attention to them, you're just too happy to be having a regular conversation with somebody to notice the kids.
Letting your children go days without baths
Basically as long as they've not been sick in their hair, they're good to go.
Letting your personal appearance slip so drastically
A hairbrush? What's that?
Eating food from anywhere
The floor, your child's mouth, their friend's plate, wherever food is found it shall be eaten and not wasted.
Where to next?
|12 signs your cat is plotting to kill you|
|The mums you see at the school gate||The reality of having twins vs what your friends think|