It's often said mums have a sixth sense when it comes to their kids, but sometimes they don't even need it. Just a small sound from the other side of the house is enough for a mother to know what their child is up to.
And while some sounds coming from the kids' room can be delightful to hear, like the rare angelic laughter, others fill you with dread and instantly let you know that you're going to have to clean, comfort or calm down with a deep breath before you take any course of action.
As much as we might love a quiet house, it's never a good sign if the kids are inside it. Chances are they're either busy eating something they're not supposed to or just silently pouring the entire contents of a yogurt pot into your handbag..
2. Lego box being tipped over
No. No. NO. Yet another hour picking up pieces of Lego that will be very painful when you step on them - and let's be honest, you definitely will.
3. Glass shattering
This one is never good. Glass and children do not got together, so it's definitely CODE RED.
4. Thud followed by a wail
It doesn't take you long to know your kid has just tripped and fallen, even though you tell them five hundred times a day to not run in the house.
5. 'Muuuuuuuuum' at 3 in the morning
They start calling for mum really quietly but, as you try to ignore it and go back to your sacred few hours of sleep so you don't have to use up the world's caffeine reserves the next morning, they start to go louder. And louder. This is one battle you can't win - only thing left to do is put your slippers on and get on with it.
6. Intro to Frozen
'Born of cold and winter air, and mountain rain combining... '. No, NOT AGAIN. You think they'd have had enough by now, but guess what? They haven't. Those bloody ice cutters...
7. And of course, the main tune
Those piano keys in the beginning still give you chills, but for all the wrong reasons. Why aren't they taking Elsa's advice and just LETTING IT GO already?
8. Any sort of improvised musical practice
Yes, parents are supposed to encourage kids to be creative and experiment with music but this is just pure torture.
9. Asking for the toilet 5 mins after you asked them if they wanted to go
All kids must have been preprogrammed to want to go to the toilet when a) they're all ready to go in their car seat and b) we're too far from the closest toilets.
10. Singing along to films with their headphones on
You gave them headphones so you would no longer have to listen to Peppa Pig, but they just sing along to it now. The worst part? You still have to hear the Frozen song, expect this time you actually wish Idina Menzel was the one in your living room.
11. The incessant 'are we there yet?' on long journeys
They never have any concerns with time whatsoever, but once they're in car on our way somewhere, time is ALL they care about. Cue iPads, headphones and more out of tune sing-alongs.
12. A splashing sound coming from toilet
Yes, it could be an object that wouldn't be affected by water like a brush, or something easy replacable like a toothbrush. But who are we kidding? Of course it was your brand new iPhone.
Parenting is hard - pass the wine!