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Confessions of a non-maternal mum: 'It's OK to not attend every crap event hosted by the Parent Association'

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Non maternal mum
Kirsty from The Unfit Mother was selected by our BISS October panel and in her guest blog opens up about why it's ok to be a non-maternal mum...

Every inch of me is non-maternal. Although I always imagined that by the age of 25, I'd magically transform into a Marge Simpson/Kirstie Allsopp hybrid creation of motherly awesomeness, that sadly didn't happen. Even when I fell pregnant, I found myself weighing up the few pros of parenthood versus the numerous huge inconveniences.

Selfish as that sounds, that doesn't mean that I am incompetent and unloving as a parent. Not having the skill to bake individual fruit pies and handcraft mantelpiece ornaments does not mean that I don't absolutely derangedly adore my son.

I've been utterly besotted and obsessed with him since the second he was born - despite him initially being a bit weird-looking and me being distinctly pissed off about my blindingly painful nether regions (26 stitches, in case you were wondering).

My son is now four and has just started school. I have a full-time job that I love and in which I want to progress as far as I possibly can. Because of my career aspirations, my son spends the equivalent of a whole day per week with child minders. He eats more chicken nuggets and biscuits than a lot of parents would deem to be appropriate and in fact because of his fussiness, he rarely has the same evening meal as us.

He has a tablet as well as books and toys, and sometimes he's allowed to stay up way past his bedtime so we can watch a film or build a train set. Our Christmas decorations were bought from the supermarket, not crafted at home as a family activity while we all wear festive knitwear.

But why does that matter, when he is happy, healthy and has a Mummy and Daddy who love him?

Women like me are so lucky to live in a time when it's not socially compulsory to give up your aspirations and change your character to fit a stereotype just because you also want to bear children. No longer does a woman need to spend her days in a floral pinny, gliding around the family home with a duster while a homemade loaf of bread bakes in the oven.

It's OK to have dreams that are only for you. It's OK to not comment on every photo on Facebook of strange-looking kids on their first day of school. It's OK to not attend every crap event hosted by the Parent Association. Because none of that is really important.

What is important is to ensure that you are happy being you. A happy parent is a happy child. So if, like me, you are a Non-Maternal Mother, play The Parenting Game your way and take advantage of the new normal.

Non-Maternal Mums unite and be proud!

Continued below...



Kirsty was selected as a BISS guest blogger after entering our October linky. For your chance to write for GoodtoKnow, check out our Because I Said So platform.

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Marie

How refreshing to hear someone tell the 'real' story. Thank you for reassuring me that it's ok to have a career AND a family. God bless you on the stitches 26 wow! Wishing you every success in your career and your motherhood.

Pitch 1's Mannone

As a kid with a non maternal mother I completely agree with where this mum is coming from. I met some of my best friends through childminders and i never felt neglected by my mum... I sort of always knew ahe was doing what she did for me 😊

Carly Atkinson

What a refreshingly honest take on the nightmare that is motherhood!! I have two boys, aged 6 & 4, whom I love unconditionally and could not be without... but from their first breaths I have felt like a failure... you see both my boys were delivered by emergency c-section, my eldest at only 29 weeks gestation, so I have always felt I wasn't 'doing it right'. My boys can switch from cuddling balls of unadulterated love, to whirling tornadoes of chaos sent from the depths of insanity in a split second. My life as a mum is full of bargaining, bribery and shouting, with a few peaceful moments of tenderness, kisses and cuddles. That being said, my boys are exactly that; mine, and I wouldn't change them for the world... to everyone else they are polite, caring boys and we always get complemented on how well they behave at school or when we're out & about. Any crafting aspirations we undertake at home usually ends in one, or all three of us, sobbing... the 'makes' end up in the bin, and we converge on the sofa with a DVD and 45 packets of crisps to cheer ourselves up... and it works!! Bedtime every night sees me mentally patting myself on the back for a job well done; we got through another day without serious injury!! The top & the bottom of it is; I love my boys, and they know it... so really, I'm winning!! I'd like to say a massive THANK YOU to non-maternal Mum; I feel comforted beyond words to know I'm not alone... and I can't wait to read more.

Aimee ellison

Fantastic- love this and it's so true!! There are a lot of people out there on social media who would have us believe they are the embodiment of the perfect pinny wearing Kirsty allsopp mother. It's so refreshing to hear someone telling it like it is. And yes let's unite, knowing together, that we are all superwoman for just getting through the long hard days of parenting 👏👏👏 xx

Jay Lawrence

I absolutely love this. I have no idea how I will be as a mother and that is just another thing I have given myself to worry and/or feel guilty about! 😂

Amanda

Such a great and honest blog.... well done babe was a good read, looking forward to read some more xxxxx

Sarah Nelson

Great read!!!

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