‘I never got to hear a heartbeat or marvel at a scan’ Giovanna Fletcher shares emotional post about her miscarriage

Giovanna Fletcher has opened up about her experience of miscarriage to mark Baby Loss Awareness Week, telling fans how vividly she recalls the loss.

Taking to Instagram to share her memories of the heartbreaking moment with her 895k followers, author Giovanna explained that she’d been worried about conceiving in the past.

‘I’d always been maternal. I’d always been the ‘mother’ in the group,’ she wrote. ‘I loved babies and children. But a doubt lingered.’

Despite being diagnosed with polycystic ovaries in her early twenties, Giovanna fell pregnant almost immediately after she and husband Tom started ‘not, not trying’ – a development which she admits made her worried, rather than overjoyed.

We’re reaching the end of #babylossawarenessweek. I’ve seen so many heartfelt messages and heard a wide range of personal stories of the little loves we’ve lost. When I was younger I thought getting pregnant was easy. So easy I used to feel panicked if a guy so much as looked at me. Then, as I got older, I started to worry I was going to have problems conceiving, simply because I wanted it so much. I’d always been maternal. I’d always been the ‘mother’ in the group. I loved babies and children. But a doubt lingered. I worried I wouldn’t be able to achieve one of my biggest goals in life – becoming a mum. In my mid twenties I found out I had PCOS. A quick Google search made sure I worried about the prospects of that happening. After we got married I found a good doctor who put me on metformin to start getting my body prepared. When we started ‘not, not trying’ I fell pregnant almost immediately. I couldn’t believe it. After years of worrying about my fertility, it had happened in just a couple of months. The realisation made me fear it was all too easy. I don’t know how, but part of me knew the pregnancy wasn’t going to lead to a baby being in my arms at the end of the nine months. I tried to push away the doubt. But I was right. Sadly my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at just over six weeks. I never got to hear a heartbeat or marvel at a scan of my first little baby. It was over so abruptly. I remember everything about that morning so vividly. The pain, the loss, the feeling of completely failing myself and Tom. I was crushed, angry and hurting. This week is all about honouring those babies who are sadly no longer with us. It’s great to be talking about it this week, but let’s keep the conversation going. Let’s not have mothers and fathers going through the emptiness alone. Let’s learn how to talk about the grief and how to keep the spirit of those special little souls alive. @dear_orla, @feathering_the_empty_nest, @mother_pukka, @thedadnetwork and @mrs_izzyjudd are just a few of the parents on here who’ve beautifully opened their hearts and taught me so much. Remember your little ones with pride. Xxx

A post shared by Giovanna Fletcher (@mrsgifletcher) on

‘After years of worrying about my fertility, it had happened in just a couple of months,’ she continued. ‘The realisation made me fear it was all too easy. I don’t know how, but part of me knew the pregnancy wasn’t going to lead to a baby being in my arms at the end of the nine months.’

Sadly, Giovanna’s fears came true, as she suffered a miscarriage six weeks later.

‘I never got to hear a heartbeat or marvel at a scan of my first little baby,’ she grieved. ‘It was over so abruptly. I remember everything about that morning so vividly. The pain, the loss, the feeling of completely failing myself and Tom. I was crushed, angry and hurting.’

Giovanna and Tom now share two sons, Buzz, who was born in March 2014, and Buddy, who arrived in February 2016, but it wasn’t until this year that Giovanna revealed that the pair had previously lost a child.

Speaking during a BUILD talk to promote her book Happy Mum Happy Baby back in February, she said that she’d chosen to speak out because she thinks that many women are ‘scared to say something’.

‘I felt like I could never say anything to friends because people feel like it’s contagious,’ she detailed at the time.

‘It’s a really rubbish thing that happens and it happens to so many people. All you really want in that moment is a hug. You feel like your body has failed you and that’s your first experience as a mother.’

Concluding her message on Instagram, Giovanna echoed these sentiments, adding: ‘Let’s not have mothers and fathers going through the emptiness alone. Let’s learn how to talk about the grief and how to keep the spirit of those special little souls alive.’

Fans have rushed to thank her for her honesty about such a difficult subject, with many sharing their own stories in empathy.

‘My heart breaks for you and your beautiful family, the heartbreak a miscarriage causes cannot be put into words,’ one commented. ‘I also lost a little one at 11+5 weeks and the anxiety that follows when another baby is conceived is terrifying.’

‘I am thrilled you have your two beautiful rainbows to keep your heart happy and I have no doubt that our babies are in the stars watching over us.’