Most birth stories
are far from glamorous, but it’s not everyday that someone gives such an honest, and detailed account, of what actually happens in the labour room.
One mum has the given a brilliantly honest account of the whole experience – and how it resulted in a pretty embarrassing moment.
Mum of two Zoe George has revealed how natural childbirth affected her body, particularly her downstairs region.
Writing a post for her blog The Subtle Mummy she said: ‘Let me tell you something, my first child broke my vagina and you don’t want to know what else, but I’m going to tell you anyway.
‘Yup, it’s broken and I need a mechanic trained as a gynaecologist to fix it.’
Zoe admitted that she never realised just what can happen to your body post-pregnancy saying: ‘Now you may have heard mummies saying jovially, “haha I can’t jump on a trampoline, I may pee myself” and you think to yourself, wtf that’s just gross and there is no way that will happen to me! Well, that was me. Little did I know there were worse things to be afraid of.’
She then went on to give a completely honest, but also quite hilarious account of her time after labour and what exactly happened to her pelvic floor.
‘What they don’t tell you is there are three pelvic floors’, she said. ‘Your ‘pee hole’, your ‘love hole’ and your ‘exit only hole’ (let’s call it EOH). Thankfully (kinda) my first two were fine after the birth but I had no idea of the surprise that was to come.’
But it was during a visit from her friends and family, that Zoe noticed something had changed with her body.
‘Everyone was happily chatting away and I was feeling thirsty so I poured myself a glass of water and slowly raised the glass to my mouth to have a sip.
‘As the glass was nearing my lips, my EOH took it upon itself to start farting!
‘I’m not talking a little brrrrt. I’m talking this fart went for at least five seconds. I want you to count those five seconds out now and realise how long that is.’
Naturally shocked by the noise, she said: ‘All I could do was hold the sheets down as tight as I could and try not to move for fear of dutch oven-ing my guests’
Zoe then ran to find to the midwife to find out what exactly was happening.
‘This poor girl was trying, in her best serious face to tell me it was my pelvic floor and it happens when you push a small melon out of you, seeing as you push as though you’re are taking the biggest cr*p of your life’, she said.
Fortunately, Zoe did reveal that after ‘many butt clenches’, she is now almost back to normal, with only a few embarrassing moments. She admitted: ‘There are still a few mishaps every now and then, like the time I did one in class and blamed the closest student.’
Can you relate to Zoe’s honest account? Would you ever share your labour stories? Tell us in the comments below…