‘It’s a constant reminder’ Mum speaks out about post-partum body after losing her child at six months

A mum-of-two has opened up about how ‘angry’ she feels at her post-partum body after losing her baby at six months, revealing her tummy is a ‘constant reminder’ of the child she has lost.

Jessica Habe, a mum from Missouri, USA, has spoken out about what it’s like to have a post-partum body without having a baby.

Jessica took to Instagram to share a picture of herself in just jeans and a bra, showing her body after the devastating experience.

Announcing, ‘I want to talk about my #postpartum body’, the 27-year-old explains the ’emotion’ she has felt ‘gaining weight’, admitting ‘I am not okay with my body’.

‘There is a lot of emotion that goes with gaining weight during pregnancy. I gained 15 lbs in 6 months. And then, after everything, I gained about 5 more. I am 20 lbs heavier and two sizes bigger than I was pre-pregnancy. And I am not okay with my body.’

Jessica compares her current post-partum body to her pregnancy with her first child Brennan, saying that having a ‘larger body’ is worth it when you have your baby. But, after losing a little one it ‘makes it harder’.

I want to talk about my #postpartum body. There is a lot of emotion that goes with gaining weight during pregnancy. I gained 15 lbs in 6 months. And then, after everything, I gained about 5 more. I am 20 lbs heavier and two sizes bigger than I was pre-pregnancy. And I am not okay with my body. I think I would've been okay if Evie was here, although she would've likely still been cooking inside me. The fact that I am bigger than I normally am and don't have my baby makes it harder. I dealt with a postpartum body after Brennan. And I was uncomfortable in my larger body, but it grew my beautiful little man and how could I be upset with it when I looked at him? Every day I get clothes on and they're tight. And every day I'm reminded that I grew my baby for six months and she died. It really is a constant reminder to me. I don't have love for my body. I am angry at it right now. I can't be body positive right now. It's too hard and it hurts too much. I'm working on losing this weight so it isn't one more thing that is a constant reminder. I really think my hormones are making it difficult to do so with my normal routine. That's why I enlisted the help of a friend who is a personal trainer. I'm really hoping it helps me. Because looking in the mirror at my uncovered body hurts. #postpartumbody #grief #loss #motherhood #motherhoodrising #fourthtrimesterbodiesproject #fourthtrimesterbody #takebackpostpartum #evelynlouisemccoy

A post shared by Jessica (Habe) (@habe_mccoy) on

‘I think I would’ve been okay if Evie was here, although she would’ve likely still been cooking inside me. The fact that I am bigger than I normally am and don’t have my baby makes it harder.

‘I dealt with a postpartum body after Brennan. And I was uncomfortable in my larger body, but it grew my beautiful little man and how could I be upset with it when I looked at him?’

Tragically the young mum admits she ‘can’t be body positive right now’ and feels ‘angry’ towards her body.

‘Every day I get clothes on and they’re tight. And every day I’m reminded that I grew my baby for six months and she died. It really is a constant reminder to me. I don’t have love for my body. I am angry at it right now. I can’t be body positive right now. It’s too hard and it hurts too much.’

To help herself feel more positive, Jessica has said she will try and lose weight, enlisting the help of a personal trainer.

‘I’m working on losing this weight so it isn’t one more thing that is a constant reminder. I really think my hormones are making it difficult to do so with my normal routine.

‘That’s why I enlisted the help of a friend who is a personal trainer. I’m really hoping it helps me. Because looking in the mirror at my uncovered body hurts.’

Jessica’s post has received attention and support from mums all over the world, thanking her for sharing her experience.

One Instagram user wrote, ‘Your words spoke right to my heart! I went through the same thing. I remember feeling like my body betrayed me and being so angry. My baby was dead and now I was left with this physical reminder that she was there and now she’s gone! Im so sorry! But thank you for being so honest and real ❤’

Another social media user shared similar sentiments, ‘This post is so brave and honest and states exactly how I feel, I lost Millie at 6 months and feel the same- if she were here I would relish the changes my body has taken on, but now every single day it’s a constant reminder of her loss and how my body let her down. Wonderful post 💗💗💗 I’m so sorry for your loss xx’