12 reasons Postman Pat is the most incompetent postman EVER

Postman Pat is a pillar of both the CBeebies community and of the picturesque village of Greendale, where he has been poorly performing his role as postman for 35 excruciating years.

So the question, understandably, on every parents’ lips is – why? Why does everyone love him so much? Why does he continue to reap the adoration of the villagers and the praise of his superiors and WHY was he promoted to Head of Special Delivery Services when he is evidently the least competent postman of the entire north?

It’s been riling us up for decades, and it’s high time someone brought smug Pat down a peg or two. Allow us to say the things you’ve all been thinking…

1. He’s yet to deliver anything on time

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He doesn’t seem fazed, and neither does anyone else.

2. He takes credit for other people’s ideas

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Because he’s incapable of thinking his way out of the messes he finds himself in every. single. episode.

3. His helicopter is obnoxious


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Surely it can’t be cost-effective? Or environmentally friendly?

4. And so is his quad bike

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I mean, come on Pat, who do you think you are?

5. He makes the most spectacular mishaps

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And it stopped being funny around 1987.

6. He can’t grasp the idea of a ‘special delivery’

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There is nothing ‘special’ about delivering something late, broken, or different to what was ordered pal.

7. He regularly opens other peoples’ post

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Everyone knows this is illegal.

8. He barges into peoples’ houses

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And expects everyone to be happy to see him. (Inexplicably, they often are.)

9. He’s the village gossip

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He could give the mums at the school gate a run for their money, that’s for sure.

10. And how do we even know that’s his cat?

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We’ve always had our doubts.

11. He always has to be the centre of attention

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It’s not all about you, Pat.

12. All the kids in the village look suspiciously like him

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There’s a whole load of conspiracy theories about this one, but there’s definitely something dodgy going on there.

Have we missed any reasons why Pat is the worst postman ever? Let us know in the comments below!