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'The menopause doesn't make me less of a woman'

Living with menopause

Living with menopause

My menopause started about 18 months ago, when I was 48. My periods stopped for a few months, then I had another one, then they stopped again. Some women have a nice neat cut-off point when their periods just stop completely, but mine have been a bit more erratic.

I'm also getting the dreaded hot flushes, but not too badly. I'm normally colder than everyone else and, as I'm always the one wearing a cardie, to suddenly feel hot all over was a bit strange. But mine only last a minute or so and, to be honest, they're so minor that sometimes I wonder whether it's just the weather causing them!

I have also been getting the odd cramp but, apart from that, I really have been coping well. I'm taking a natural supplement called sepia, which is good for hot flushes, apparently.

I think some women have a hard time coming to terms with the menopause psychologically, but I haven't. I've had my family, and don't see it as the end of my womanhood.
Gilly, 50, Newmarket, Suffolk

For more information and advice, visit www.menopausematters.co.uk

Where next?
- More info about the menopause and HRT
- Menopause home testing kits
- Control the symptoms of the menopause and HRT

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Stella, about 1 month [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

Help! I think I'm bleeding to death. I think I must be perimenopausal by the sound of it. Only real symptoms have been horrendous periods, which have got worse and worse over last few months with a couple of missed ones (plus the exhaustion and wooziness that goes with them), but now I have been bleeding for nearly 3 weeks - can't be away from a toilet for more than an hour - it is constant and heavy. My GP surgery doesn't do HRT and last week I got desperate and went to the local family planning clinic who did nothing but referred me back to GP saying to push for HRT - but I don't understand why they didn't do something there and then! I am no expert on the menopause but I am a former nurse and surely it is dangerous to lose so much blood. I started taking some iron but I just feel neglected basically - as if my life isn't important. What do I do? How would I know if I needed a blood transfusion before dropping dead or something if gp's are so uninterested and just tell you to get on with it. As far as I am concerned, this isn't just flooding, it is haemorrhaging. If this was any other condition you would be an emergency case. Can anyone give me some advice please? Does HRT stop the bleeding? And is it available on the black market??!!!

elsie johnson, 5 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

cant believe we are in the 21st century yet millions of women are on the verge of jumping off a bridge or somot like it.doctors just class the meno as NORMAL and basically get on with it. there isnt enough support at all isnt enough data and arnt enough Gynacoligist. also we dont have the right to try free herbal things as drs dont believe in them also we dont have the right to free massages which DO help relax you because DR dont believe in them especially male drs. so how the hell do they know wot us women are suffering and wot does us good its only cos they arnt getting there share of the profit as the more tablets your drs put you on the more money they get BUT that doesnt help us women does it.i am now 59yrs started meno 51 no hrt been hell and still is all the symtons you ladies talk of and more I cannot have sexual intercourse with my husband of 40yrs now because everything down there has shut down gyno said there is nothing she can do about it. great life begins at 50/60 ha well mines diminished through the bludy meno tried every herb known to man of no use healthy food im fit no smoker bore three children and now all i feel is totally inadiquet. good job my husband understands me and supports me rather than exept me as turn off. thats LOVE thank goodness. WOMEN need more support through this stage in our lives, more help from gynos ANYBODY just more help it needs to become WORLD attracted

sue, 7 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

hiya i,m 52 and not had a period since september 2007 i,m having the hot flushes during the day and am having bad night sweats every hour through the night,i am like most of you that i am cold when everyone else is warm then suddenly off comes the cardie,my mum went through her menopause when she was 37 she sufereed from depression and really bad symptoms,i dont know if i am going through meopause my doctor wont do a test because he keeps telling me ive got to wait untill ive not had a period for a whole year.i am taking vitimins and minerals for the over 50s and i find keeping active with swimming and excersize and a well banced diet is helping me.

theresa, 8 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

Hi ladies i am 48 and have been going thru meopause since i was 40 yrs old its been hell night sweats the mood swings and weght gai,n i had no period for 1 yr then started to bleed after sex so had a D&C fine for 8 mths no period now i have it can't wait to end this !!!!!!!

Jo, 9 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

Hi I wanted to respond to the email from Debbie to say you are not alone.I to panic about every little pain I have, they know me by name at the doctors as I go so often................ I do sometiimes feel the doctors ( as you see whoever these days ) really seem uninterested in your symptons, and can offer very little in the way of cure or support.The emotional state is what does it for me, as can't seem to cope with anything.In a panic at the moment as have to go for a bowel screening as loose in that area, don't know if this is a sympton of the menopause.There really should be a TV campaign to give all of us women, some hope.Anyone out there what to see if we can get something done? Yours menosufferer.

gwen, 9 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

My periods stopped in December 07 and I still can't believe that I have finished for good. I keep on having premenstraul symptoms eg breast hurting, fluid gain and sweet cravings and a very bad mood!! I have also done a few pregnancy tests just to make sure. I would love to know if this is it the END! I did ask the gp for a test but they said no they do not do them. I feel like Im waiting for them to start again and have to be prepared just incase. i did have a few night sweats but found out it was due to a bad chest infection at the time and have none since. Hence the tests!!

jane, 9 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

I am 5oyrs old and cofused i have quite a few of the signs of the menapause but without the night sweats.i also still have regualar periods every 21days.i have always had heavy bleeding periods so nothing has changed there either . can someone tell me am i menapausal ? as i am actually looking forward to it., I know its not going to be an easy ride and going through the menapause as im very sure most if not all you ladies have had or are having a hard time with it but i would so much like to stop bleeding asap.I have had all sorts of treatments to which neither has worked, I was given the option of an hysterectamy but due to me wanting a larger family i couldnt go through with it .

Glenis Whittingham, 9 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

Have been perimenopausal for a couple of years then in Nov 07 came down with Shingles. My periods stopped and thought my heart was bursting out of my chest, had dry eyes, flaky skin, unbelievable fatigue, sweats day and night every hour, nausea like morning sickness for most of the day and night, zero libido,sensitive bowels, awful adrenalin rushes, stomach cramps, tight chest - felt like someone was sitting on my chest and throat and couldnt breathe, and weight loss and for the first time in my life, bouts of depression. Have been hospitalised twice for numerous test all of which have shown menopause and diagnosed after effects of a virus. Four months later things and improved slightly, my periods now recurr at varying times and bring the adrenalin rushes, heart flutters, awful nausea and stomach cramps, I feel really down at times and very vulnerable. I for one am finding menopause really difficult to deal with as I have always been a confident and active person. In Nov/Dec I visited my GP so many times they were sick at the sight of me and made me feel very uncomfortabe. HRT did nothing for me and am now taking Agnus Castus and Evening Primrose Oil but who know if they are easing the symptoms. I darent make any plans to go anywhere as I just dont know how I am going to feel and take each day as it comes. I have found that mild exercise makes me feel better and I would love to talk to someone at a support group just for moral support but Well Women clinics dont happen at my GP. My only hope is that these symptoms decease as time passes and my life can get back to some semblance of normality.

sheila nicholls, 9 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

i have been suffering the menopause for over twelve months. the hot flushes at night have become stronger and now it is affecting my sleep, i wake up remove my quilt to cool down sometimes about 10 times or more at night. it getting unbearble, it started to make me sick leaving me with bad headaches in the morning. iv been taking herbal remedy but not working, so awaiting some new ones, the hot flushes at night are horrible. i just need sleep. i hv been very moody and angry. other night i wanted to scream because i can't deal with this. my mum said her menopause lasted until she was in her sixties. i feel so drain i can't imagine this going on and on. i feel the comments you have made about the menopause seem very light. i think maybe yours is not the menopause.if you had my night sweats and day and the sickness then you would know it was the menopause. it so draining.

jan, 10 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

I had a hysterectomy when I was 34 after having 2 children. I came off of HRT at 49 being advised by my consultant. I am 53 now and have had the last worst three years of what I believe to be menopause symtoms. The worst being the total change of feelings for my husband whom I have been happliy married to for 33 years. I have total lack of interest in all areas with him and I feel I just want to be on my own. We still get on well, dont really argue and he hasnt done anything wrong it just seems me. Am I going mad , a mid life crisis or what? Please help and advise.This has been over a fairly long period and I have tried as it isnt fair on him.

Debs2, 10 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

Thank goodness after reading all of your comments I feel quite normal. I had a hysterectomy at age 37 and was lucky not to get the menopause symptoms until age 45. I had the odd hot flush for a year or two, but for the last year they have been relentless. I average between 6 and 10 flushes during the night which disturbs my sleep very badly. This leaves me tired and irritable during the day. I also get them in the evenings and find it difficult to rest. As for my memory...I'm surprised I can still remember what my own name is. I too have mood swings and these can change very quickly. It's good to know that there are others out there feeling exactly as I do...so I'm not going mad after all. I was given HRT patches but have stopped taking them now as the menopause really kicked in while I was taking it and it did not seem to help. I have recently started taking Clonidine prescribed by my GP, and although it has eased things slightly it certainly has not been a cure. I just seemed to swap hot flushes for severe headaches until I got used to the medication.If anyone can tell me what they have tried that actually works i'd love to know about it.

pat, 10 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

Im 54 had a hysterectomy 3 years ago and since then i have been suffering from bad headaches which last for 3 to 5 days, i ache all the time i have no enegy or confidence and have panic attacts and dont like going out because of them i cant even work anymore, iv put on loads of weight, all of these things have made me so unhappy and miserable i just dont know what to do with myself please help !!!!

Carol, 10 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

Hi I'm 51, i've been going through the menopause for the last 2years i have awful day sweats and night sweats, mood swings, my periods have stopped, my skin is very dry and sore, my sex drive nil. my bones seem to ache and my back, i have memory loss (if i don't write it down i've had it lol,)i seem to have no energy most times (i'm used to being quite mobile,) have put on weight which all in all makes me feel depressed, i haven't been able to take hrt i'm alergic, so i have started to take evening primrose and codliver oil capsules, i have been told of so many herbal remedies i'm lost as to what to realy take but i seem to have decided on this remedy, i have only just started so i hope i can get some slight relief, a nights sleep would be great.!!!!!!!.

jane, 10 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

iam waiting on results to see if iam menopausel.reading the stories iseem to have almost every symtom,the worst being loss of sex drive.irratable.deppression,hot flushes,forgetfulness etc etc.iam 48 and had a hysterectomy 8yrs ago although istill have my overies.my life is horrible at the moment,my confidence gone.ihave no trouble sleeping but will be woken by nite sweats bad.does this sound menopauseal?

sheila, 11 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

thanks to all the ladies who have wrote on the menopause i to have had missed periods and nihgt sweats i have not been to the doctors and i am trying to cope on my own reading your letters helped, but its the mood swings i cant cope with my husband cant understand how i feel and tells me to snap out of it and stop been a grumpy cow if any one can recomend any thing other than hrt for me to try i would be glad of the advice thanks

marie conroy, 11 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

i have had a hysterectomy 12 weeks ago.my ovaries were not removed.i had a hormone level blood test taken 6 weeks after op.got the results last week to discover that my hormone estrogen has dropped and have been perscribed estradot 37.5ug patches.have not started them yet.i could never tolerate any contraceptive pill no matter what level of estrogen was in them.it was like having permanent morning sickness.i got my first hot flush when i was 37 yrs old and just got on with it.i was perscribed anti-anxiety tabs and a mild anti-depressant plus sleeping tabs which i am taking for the last 2 years.my hysterectomy was recomended because i had fibroids and adenomyosis(a form of endometriosis) in my womb.i am almost 48 yrs.old.at the moment i want to take one day at a time and am unsure of what to do.would appreciate any advice.

ellie, 11 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

hi .i have been on hrt patches for about 9 month now i am 45 ..i havnt had the sweats yet .my problem with the patches is the weight i have put on and i cant shift it i feel so uncomfortable all the time ..plus my memory loss ..haha ..i have decided to stop my patches nad look for another alternative .any body else had this prob

susan dardis, 11 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

I,m 51 in April I have been through the hot fushes 2 years ago and my periods have remained normal every month until this one which is very heavy and to date has lasted 10 days , passing clots . I have no pain and I have never had period pains no breast tenderness in fact I didnt know when I was starting a period . I started at age 16 . 2 years ago I took Black Cohosh as advised by a well known health foo shop. Then i developed a lump in my bust and severe breast pain , was seen by breast consultant who carried out all the tests , ultra sound, mammogram and was told all was well . I had looked up the herbal medicine on a web site and one site stated that it increased the tissue that caused breast cancer so I stopped taking it. I,ve had no more hot flushes. I have had all blood tests for hormones and all show I,m not perimenapausal or even manapausal. But I,m worried about this period being so heavey for so long. i have not lost my sex drive in fact I want my husband more but this is making it very difficult.Is thisn the start of the change my mum went through it at age 48 she was really difficult to live with . Can anybody out there advise me?

sarah, 11 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

hi, im 31 and i had a full hysterectomy 4 weeks ago,yes,the whole lots gone.i have my children so when i was told i had to have it done it wasnt a problem.im back at work and doing normal day to day things.iv started with the hot flushes,worse at night.palpitations and feeling faint.im on hrt and to be honest i feel alot calmer than before the operation.its been a god send after having terrible periods for 18 years.i think the best way is not to compare your symptoms to others,as we know every one is different,cod liver oil is good my doctors said,and a balanced diet,not drinking hot drinks after about 9p.m also avoiding alcohol where possible.im prepared to do what ever it takes to prevent suffering no matter what.im just taking each day as it comes and i sure im still have the worst to come yet.i do think you can cope with anything as long as you face it head on,i have 2 disabled children which means i dont get time to think about me i have to get on with things,its a help as daft as that sounds.good luck to every women,i wish my menopause had of been naturally at least you get time to adjust slowly.i dont regret it though because it has given me a quaity of life i very desperatley needed to care for my children.

karen cutler, 11 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

All I can say to you is thank your lucky stars!! I have had an horrendous menopause and have been in utter misery for 7 years! Mine started with terrible flooding which kept me indoors most of the time as I was soaking through tampax and super plus towels in ten minutes. I ended up badly ill with anaemia and had to have a blood transfusion and iron injections in my back side for three months, believe me that is very painful! I had to take medication to stop my periods which had awful side effects but I managed to cope for two years until my periods eventually stopped, then I began the hot flushes which were annoying but I coped with them the night and day sweats were the worst thing and for two years I had hardly any sleep whatsoever due to the constant waking every 45 minutes during the night as I was soaked from head to foot, this continued through out the day time and I was permanently soaked, I was functioning on auto pilot most of the time due to the terrible tiredness due to lack of sleep and being so uncomfortable with the sweating. I tried every herbal remedy know to man, even the magnet that you place in your underwear to no avail. I am almost 54 and there was no sign of this letting up at all. Eventually I went to my GP who told me off for suffering for so long and put me on hrt. What a miracle! I feel so much better and the sweats instantly dissapeared, I wonder why I was so worried and put myself through such a terrible time for 7 years as my quality of life was nil. So be thankful if you have an easy menopause and don't point the finger at others and accuse them of not accepting it as a normal part of life, for some of us its a nightmare you have been very lucky.

Anne, 11 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

Please help me !! I am 54 and had a hysterectomy over a year ago which included removal of my ovaries - I am getting hot sweats all the time - feel awful all the time - no confidence - I feel ill my body aches as if I were a hundred and I have no energy - I feel as if I am going mad and cannot get releif from herbal tablets - I cannot continue like this plase help me someone!

debbie, 11 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

i am 47and been having symptoms of the menopause which im finding hard to cope with . my periods are here there and everwhere but that dont bother me, im feeling vry depressed and always worrieing about my health ,im having lots of headachs and tension and the slightest pain makes me go into a panic, i am driving my family and friends mad even though thay are always there for me,i also think im the most seen patiant down at my surgery. is their anyone out there suffering like me.

marlene, 12 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

at the age of 27 ifound out that unfortunatly i was going through the menopause it was a very hard time for both me and my husband who was only 24 we alrady have a wonderfull son but we had planned at least 2 more children we had to explain to our son that he would not have a brother or a sister that was the hardest part .I felt like a fifety year old woman in a 27 year olds body i sufferd bad memory loss and terrible headaches and leg cramps i am also really worried about brittle bone it toke 2 years for me to find the right hrt that i was comfortale with i have now come to terms with the fact that i am a menopausal woman i just wanted people to know that it just is not someone over 40 who can go through it unfortunatly can happen to any woman at any age

Donna, about 1 year [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

hi girls ive just been too the drs as ive been in the menophause for nearly 2 yrs ive just been given some tablets called prempak c ive just been trying too find out about them but i seen the word cancer it gave me a fright so i never looked anymore has anyone else been given these tablets,and do they help im a very bright and bubbly person but the last few weeks ive started shouting at my 13yr old son and my grandaughter i never shout at them as my childhood was very bad so i have allways gave lean way to my 2 kids but now i feel really bad. all i do all day is cry and forget things ive even started too get nightmares and feel my life is not worth living i dont no who to talk to can anyone help out there?

julie anne wallhead, about 1 year [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

hi im 42yrs old and going through the menopause my periods are all over the place i have 4 wonderful kids and a grandson i find the flushes hard to cope with at times im on h r t for it i,ve being going through this for 2 yrs now and dont know how long it will last my mood swings are bad at times but i manage i find it hard to sleep i only get about 2 hrs anight i get very depressed and am on antidepressents for it i,ve thought about a hysterectomy but am scared to have it done . i have heard that herbal remedies are good can anyone suggest anything that would help

chris, about 1 year [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

hi, ia 45 with 4 children i have just learnt that i have been pre menapausal for the last 2 years, my personality changed completely from being normally very confident and happy to major depressed, mood swings everything it has been the worst 2 years of my life i thought i was going mad, still do sometimes hopefully now with some help i can begin to recover how my family have survived this time i will never know things are still very shaky but i hope i can make amends does any one else feel this way

Gaye, about 1 year [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

I am 51 years old and have not had a period for two months. I have been getting night sweats for the last two years and I am constantly hot in bed at night. I have also been getting various aches and pains and quite a lot of sleepless nights. Can anyone tell me for howlong these symptoms may last. Once your periods stop do your symptoms stop or go on for longer?

karen, about 1 year [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

I am 42 now and started going into the menopause at 35, i have had a terrible time, wot with having 3 children under 13 at the time i started going into the change. At first i was very depressed and even contemplating suicide and even thinking of ways i could hurt my own family. After seeking medical treatment and being put on HRT i have learned to cope. Hot sweats, erratic periods and mood swings, my family have been fantastic. Now after 7 years of all this i think i am almost to the end of it? I haven't had a period for just over a year now and i feel great, the only thing is the weight gain and struggle with fluctuating weight but i am coping with that now. All i can say is hang in there it does get better and it doesn't make you any less of a woman, in fact i think it makes you more so, as you are more able to cope with the life changes with more of a better outlook.

Anne Coghlan, about 1 year [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]

i enjoyed the article on the Menopause...i used to get awful mood swings, but read somewhere that exercise would help with the mood swings. i started swimming and have found a marked improvement in my mood swings. i tell everyone, although I am aware it may not work for everyone. As for my flushes I too, am unsure whether its the weather at times!!!! Have discovered the joys of the night sweats too!!!!!! So i shall be trying Sepia with the hope it will work for me hope this helps someone

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