Most of us won't have had much experience of self-harming or know anyone that's self-harmed but new research suggests that it's a real concern among young people and the problem is on the rise.
Between 2006-2007, nearly 16,000 children were admitted to hospital in the UK because of self-harming - that's over 4,000 more than five years ago and this figure only includes those that had treatment - not those that kept it a secret. A new study has also revealed that girls consider self-harm to be a normal way of managing stress, which is a huge worry.
MPs are now calling for more specialist mental health treatment for children and young people on the NHS.
So what exactly is self-harm, why are kids doing it and what can you do to help?
Self-harming is when a person cuts or hurts themselves in some way as a way of coping with deep distress or upset.
There are a lot of different ways in which people can self-harm - cutting, burning or scratching at their skin are some of the most common, but don't forget that eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia are also forms of harming the body. Even getting really drunk, or taking drugs can be forms of self-harming if kids do it intentionally to hurt themselves.
When a person decides to self-harm, it's usually because they're finding it difficult to cope with their emotions. If something particularly distressing or traumatic has happened to them in their life, then self-harm is a way to let out their feelings.
But just because your child is self-harming, it doesn't necessarily mean that they've been victim of something terrible you don't know about. Big issues such as sexual abuse, death or illness are all triggers that could lead to a person self-harming but so could feelings of loneliness or problems at school - anything that is difficult to deal with. This can be hard to understand as a parent, particularly if the problem to you seems trivial - but you must remember it's a big deal to them, however it seems to you.
Self-harmers are said to be more likely to try and commit suicide than other people, but this doesn't mean that if your child is self-harming, that's what will happen.
A self-harmer does have problems which are making them distressed and so it's obvious why they could be labelled as a suicide risk, but this doesn't mean the two always go together.
Self-harmers are dealing with their problems in a way that they understand. When you have a bad day or something really gets you down do you cry? Do you go for a run or rant to your best friend or partner? Self-harmers deal with their emotions by hurting themselves, because the pain is easier than thinking about the issue. When you look at it like this, as just an outlet rather than an attempt to ruin their body, the link to suicide seems less likely.
However, when some young people self-harm, they may hurt themselves so much it could result in serious injury. It is possible that suicide is not their intention and they just wanted to feel enough pain to distract them from the root cause, but either way, if you feel that your child is self-harming - to whatever extent, it is really vital that you act immediately.
When you have no experience of something it can be easy to write it off as 'just a phase' or 'attention seeking'. As we talked about before, self harm is incredibly serious and should never be taken as anything other than that. Some people will self harm once or twice in their lives and never do it again. Some might do it repeatedly over a period of time and then stop and never go back to it but some people continue to self harm for years.
If your child comes forward and reveals their wounds to you, it can be shocking and very distressing. The fact that they have so openly shown you what they have done to themselves may lead you to think that they have just done it to upset you or get your attention but it's more likely to be a cry for help. This again leads back to the reasons behind self harming.
If they talk to you about how they're feeling (which is a very positive step and one that all parents won't be lucky enough to see) but they can't pinpoint any one particular event or thing that's happened to make them do it, you might feel like they're just making a fuss or not be able to get your head around it. It's likely they just don't understand the motives themselves, let alone be able to explain them to you so try to have patience with them.
Often people that self harm will be embarrassed and ashamed of their problem and try to keep it a secret at all costs by hiding their scars under clothes or just pretending to be OK in public. It can be hard to know that anything is wrong and in this case, attention is probably the last thing they want.
There is no particular type of person that self harms and so knowing what to look for isn't very straightforward, but here are some things to watch out for:
If you've got to a stage where you know that your child is hurting themselves it's important to not be critical. They're likely to know that what they're doing isn't good and that they need to stop - you telling them won't help.
Tell them that you understand they're distressed. Make sure they know that you're really concerned about them both physically and because you don't want them to feel sad or not be able to talk to you.
Under no account make them feel like they're 'crazy'. You might well need to get expert help but make sure it's not the first thing you bring up. For a teenager, or someone even younger, the thought of talking about what they're doing with someone they don't know is likely to be embarrassing and awkward and could make them even more agitated.
You need to know that recovery is likely to take a long time. You can't make a self-harmer promise you that they won't do it again. Letting them know that you're worried and that you want to help is OK but they need to work through this themselves and learn to deal with emotions, not be scared to feel them.
Mind
Info Line (9:15-5:15 Mon to Fri): 0845 766 0163
Lots more in-depth information on self-harming and helpline numbers to call.
National Self Harm Network
Survivor-led organisation supporting people who self-harm
Selfharm.org
A website for young people that self-harm
Samaritans
Helpline: 08457 90 90 90
An organisation to provide 24-hour help to anyone that needs it.