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Your relationship questions answered

(36 ratings)
Dr Pam Spurr
goodtoknow relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr gives you the best possible advice on the problems that matter to you.

Your problems answered

- 'My husband and I have stopped talking'
- 'I can't live with his kids'
- 'I think my husband's having an affair'
- 'We always have the same arguments'
- 'We're splitting up - what happens next?'

Dr Pam is a life coach, agony aunt and author of many best-selling books. She appears regularly on programmes like GMTV, Trisha, LK Today, The Wright Stuff and BBC Breakfast.

Her latest book Fabulous Foreplay - The Sex Doctor's Guide To Teasing And Pleasing Your Lover is available to buy now.


Continued below...


- Unfortunately Dr Pam can't reply to any of your problems personally

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Aimee

6months ago broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years and moved back home to my parents home. i was on a night out with my cousin about 2 months ago when i met this really amazing bloke and ended up sleeping with him. at first i wasnt sure that it would go any further but i did. he was really nice and treated me in a way that id never been treated before, i felt on top of the world every time we would meet. but a month later he sent me a text asking if we could just be friends. i tryed really hard at the start not 2 get emotionally attached but after he sent me that text message i couldnt help but hurt. i cant stop thinking about him please some 1 help me before i go mad!!!

Gemma

I really don't know what to do?My ex n me broke up a month ago now and i do miss him loads, it was my decision. We broke up because i went away for a weekend for some space and time by myself and he didnt understand that i wanted some time on my own and went mad and said mean things that hurt me very much and i honestly could not beleive how much he turned on me. When i got back from my weekend away we broke up. Now a month on i miss him like mad and i love him loads but can i trust him not to turn on me again? Also to add into the situation theres another guy who i have been hanging out with and hes really nice and we just click and he just gets me. I really don't know what to do? do i go back to my ex and give him another chance? or do i continue with this guy and see how its goes? What ever i do im going to hurt someone Please help

rebecca baker

My boyfriend dose not want to have sex with me any more and we are always rowing. I love him very much but fill he dont love me. It fills like he has gone of me after i had our son. Can you help me.

Cynthia

Hi Pam, I am 29 years old and have been married for two years. My husband and I really want kids but secretly I am hesitant to have children yet. I feel like my husband isn't responsible enough to take on the added stress and I fear it will all fall on my shoulders alone and I will grow to resent him as I have done with his inability to pay bills on time, help around the house etc. I just dont feel like he is the mature man I need him to be to have children with but Im going on 30 and cant wait much longer to find out. I love him but he does not give enough support for me in my life as it is and I fear added stress of a child would push us even further apart. Do I risk waiting more years together to see if he becomes more of a man and be in my mid 30s before having our first child. Or even worse realize we will always be this way and have waisted all that time? Or do I have a child now while I am at my ideal childbearing age and risk not being able to raise a child (and a husband) at the same time resulting in a split up? I would not be afraid of raising a child alone but I would want to do what is best for all. I really don't know what to do.

frennan

I am 44 yr old woman I was introduced to my best friend jeff exactly 1 yr ago he is now 35 & will be 36 soon He is white I am black tonight he said to me you know I never have to ask you things 2x we are always on the same page We never argue & we enjoy all the same things I have to admit that its true I ans. him with I adapt to situations & I enjoy a lot of things The biggest problem with us is that Jeff has a girlfriend They fight all the time but she 7 yrs older than me & he has been with her for 7 yrs and feels guilty that he has feelings for me, mentally & Physically. I was told that I will never fall in love, because I was rapped as a young girl by my brother. This weekend his girlfriend became sick. She lives aprox. 115 miles from him, I'm right around the corner in an apartment he found for me. I missed him so much this wkend. I am with him every night of the wk, besides 2 wkends a month when she gets his booty call. I will not sleep with him again, am I in love, I am the mother of 4 boys all grown now and I can honestly say I was not in love with there fathers. Ive been married 2x and frankly I do not want it to happen again. Jeff is the first person to stand up for me. My brother the one that kept rapping me when I was young, came down to visit me on my birthday this year he lives about 200 miles away and I like it that way, I some times worry because he has 5 daughters. I had to make Jeff stay at his apartment I have never seen him so enraged before. I have really blocked things out up until now. Jeff has been helping me face my shadows so to speak I can tell him anything. When he came back this morning he said he called his girlfriend my name at least 9 times during the weekend, he says I am always on his mind even at work. I actually went out on a date and felt guilty, we are not dating I have slept with him in the past but I have admitted to him it was to get the guy who introduced us to leave me alone. I think Jeff may be my soul mate but he is already taken.

Bunni

Hi, I'm 16 and I have been with my fiance, 19, for a year and 5 months, for 5 of those months we've been living together in his parents house. Within two months into the relationship my father disowned me at aged 15, he also dissowned my at the time 8 month pregnant sister, my mother took me in and got my sister a flat nearby where I used to live. She lives in Hartlepool and my fiance lived in Newcastle, so there was distance from last September whilst I attended school. My fiance sticked with me despite all the bother my family put him through thus far, and I thought it a miracle as he the relationship had begun as a rebound on my behalf. Within five months he propossed in an incredibly romantic way and I accepted. We were quite love struck and our sex lives was fantastic. We couldn't get enough of each other. By Christmas my mother began to dislike my fiance as I kept mentioning how I was moving back to Newcastle for college. She came up with plenty of excuses but never really told me why she disliked him so much. I now had to spend loads of money to visit every weekend/school holiday and he had to cope with my mother and my family giving him grief yet again. This lasted until April where my mother kicked me out over the phone. She has issues with her mothering due to personal problems and when I argued with her over her lack of support and attention she basicly told me to go away. My fiance and his family took me in, his mother has always liked me like her own daughter. I struggled with exams and was incredibly stressed out and moody, I was in self loathing and had depression nearly every day. I have put on a lot of weight since the beginning of the relationship, and the sex had now wore off. We argued almost constantly during this time, it was like he was trying to break free of the relationship, but after a two week breakup in March we knew we could not be alone ever again. We feel like the other is our soulmate, and everyone we know or meet always make comments like 'you can tell you're getting married'. At first I thought this was cute, but now I feel like it's insinuating that our relationship is boaring, dull, and without romance. My fiance seems to have lost complete interest in me, and only speaks to me mostly when he wants a sandwhich or a drink, he does do funny things to cheer me up, but I feel like we're a 60 year old couple. He sticks constantly to his video games, and offers no alone time at all. All my romantic gestures go ignored, and he seems completly unattracted by the site of me naked. I try things such as roleplay, but I think he's grown bored. I know he's been put through so much hassle and pain because of me and I dont know if he is secretly got a grudge against me. Is it worth trying, or should I just give up and accept it?

Beverly G.

I have been seeing an acupuncturist for a while now and on my first appointment I wasn't really use to him because his friend was my acupuncturist first. She went away to teach overseas. I have really grown to like him. I guess you could say I have really deep feelings for him, maybe even love. I think he is attracted to me. One time when he was taking my pulse he slipped his hand into my hand and I closed my hand over his, and he squeezed my hand and he squeezed mine. The first thing I gave him was a bookmark telling him how wonderful and amazing he is as an acupuncturist. Then I got him a little plaque for his birthday and he loved it! I also have written several poems and he said he was really impressed. He is so soft spoken and gorgeous. He doesn't talk about his personal life much but I think he is living with someone. I told him recently that I have feelings for him. He said his job is to make me feel good, and that we have a professional relationship. There are certain boundaries which I understand. I really respect him but I wish I could get to know him better and possibly date him. I have never felt like this about anyone. We have this connection I just can't explain. I also told him I just got a new apartment so it was sort of an address change to put in the computer. He asked me like three or four times about it and if I was living alone. I don't know what to do. I am so attracted to him. I feel like he is my soulmate. Please help.

Somebody cute

I've been wiv my boyfriend for 3 years now we've had sex on several accasions now. But when i have sex the penis goes hard but does not go fully into the vagina my vagina is moasst. pls help

anon

I have been with my fiance just over 4 years and we've been engaged for 3 1/2 of them. There is nearly 9 year age gap with me in my 30's and him in his 20's. We do get on well and have a laugh but we do have different attitudes when it comes to home life - i like chores to be done and things to be clean & tidy but he never does any of these things unless i make a point about it. i know he works hard but evenings and weekends he just lies on sofa watching tv all the time, is this normal for a man in his 20's? It's driving me to the point where i'm not sure if should stay together let alone get married. I know I love and care about him but how do you know if still in love? You might say just talk to him about it but i find it difficult to bring up and if i've done before he gets defensive and says i do chores before he gets a chance. I'm very confused about our future - if we should have one? I feel it is not a partnership? He always drives me where i need to go but that's all. Please advise

zoe

hi pam its zoe im 18yrs old and i was with my boyfriend a year and a half it was great at first i really trusted him as in the past i have had trouble with ex partens but after we got engaged he start to saying i was cheating and it got a lil heated i tryed to tell him it was in his head but he wouldnt listen to me it went on for about 8 mnths and i couldnt do it no more but i didnt want to leave him as i loved him but two mnths agao it got heated againg but it wasnt on me this time it was on my cousin who is having a baby he was still saying i was cheating so i ended it with him but only a day after we ended it he was with someother girl do you think it was him that was cheating on me thanks for listening

jane

hi pam my name is jane iam 57rys old and my partner is 45rys old my problem is he doest seem to be much intrested in sex and when he does it is alwasys the same way he doest seem to do any fourplay he say he doest no how to he said it was all down to his ex wife when he was having sex she would tell him to hurry and diffrent thing that happened in the marriage and i think there was a lot of mental crulty with here the way he treated him we have been together 12yrs and love each other very much but i need more from this relationship we gor in engaged on xmas last year but i cant go into marriage with this problem i have got to the stage i dont even try any more i love him so much we have been through a lot with our marriages and i just want this to work can you give me any advice please jane thank you

val

i am having trouble with my sexuality i have done for more than 10 years i was abused many times by differen people in my life i feel as though i deserve to be punished by men becouse that is what i am used to. i self harm i can not masterbate or come to climax. there is a lot more to this i would like to talk to you through email contact becouse i am deaf and have no phone i am asking for your help please please help please reply to my email soon thank you very much Val

D

last year september my partner and I split up, during which she met her ex-boyfriend and gave him oral sex. I know prior to this she was in contact with him by phone and text. when I confronted her about being in contact with him the response was basically "deal with it" The very night she gave him oral sex. We had sex after. I found out about this a few weeks after it had happened. when I confronted her she said that she was and she wasn't sorry as we were not together. I argued that if that was what she wanted then she should have never come back to me especially on the same night. we are back together but I cannot get the image of her giving him oral sex out of my mind. especially after I read the emails boasting of the night to her friends. I am thinking about sleeping with one of her friends just so I don't feel like such an idiot for taking her back and so she knows how humiliating it is.

charlotte

Hi Pam, I just found out my long term partner has been on sex text lines, as he left his phone, and I answered a message for him. He has been doing it for 4 months, which in that time I had just had a baby, and we were experiencing financial difficulties. He said he was stressed, and did it at work whilst on nights, to get away from the real world. I am heartbroken as I cannot get some of the images and language of the texts out of my mind! I am a rational woman, and very open-minded when it comes to sex, but this has really hurt me, especially as I has just had a baby. He says he loves me, and that he wants no one else, but cannot trust him. We have signed up to Relate to try and sort out our problems, but will I overcome this and trust again. At the moment I do not feel sexy as I am still breastfeeding. By the way he stopped the texting a week before I found out, and has not done it since. Thanks

XXXXXXXXXXX

me and my boyfriend have problem we seem to be arguing a lot more and it driving me mad i just want us to be the same again u know and i dont know what to do can you help me what shall i do to outcome this problem that inflicting on our relationship thankz hope to hear from you soon. we been together for nearlly eleven months now and it got bad the last couple of months. you sincery

caz

i have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now but we have a big problem he finds it difficult to get an erection and when he does i find it hard to orgasm without using other methods please can you help as we are both concerned

evie

Ill try and keep it short.. Its getting me so down.. i need to know how to move on from a broken marriage with 3 children under 6. 3.5 years apart from an affair he had with a girl we both worked with. I now have my own house near kids school and unfortunately near ex's work. He comes up 6 days a week for a few hours and stays over 2 nights a week cause he lives 30 miles away. He rarely takes kids over to his and says he's here to c the kids but usually is just on the phone or watch TV just. We get on ok, better than most ex partners but I feel like I can't move on with my life because he is at my house all the time. I would only feel bad if I don't let him come to my house because his family has disowned him because of his actions plus he does help out money wise for the kids, but I feel like he's just having his cake and eating it while I'm left stuck with no life what so ever. It's really upsetting me and dragging me down. I'm coming 39 and would like to meet up with someone eventually but i find it hard to socialise cause I've no friends. I often feel like ending it all because this girl he had affair with still works with my ex and have taken my job. I often still hear of her and can't seem to get away from it. I'm not longer bitter or angry about the affair but I just want to forget and move on but how can I when she's in the area and I constantly hear and see pics of her on social sites and my ex is still in my home? My kids have kept me from harm cause they r all ive left, they mean the world to me.. so i dont like my ex to take them too long but he wouldn't coz of work commitments anyway. Please help before I totally lose it.. really don't know how long I can go on like this.. am so low and so lonely most days and nights.. I often forget what it's like to have adult conversation. I just wanna cry and stay in bed.. i feel everyone else has moved on after marriage breakup.. except me

ajay76

i have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now. everything was great in the beginning, he was very affectionate passionate and loving towards me. we was always laughing and every day was full of fun. but then after 3 months i found that he had started contact with a woman on quite an intermate leval. i called her number and confonted her she swore that it was just phone contact and txts and that shed stay away...she did. i confronted him and he denied it of course, but after i offered to call her back to sort it out he confessed the same as she had. everything sort of got better untill i found that hed gone on dating sites we had a few arguments as it kept happening and a couple of times hed even wrote he was willing to meet up with some of them after telling them he was with me. his excuse to me was that it was just flurting, as hes always loved to flurt but he swore hed never chat like it again and he would stop. at the same time as this , some bad things happened to him and he has become depressed for about 3 years. now he has compleatly changed how he shows his feelings towards me. his afectionate ways now are simply holding my hand ,a hug in bed before rolling over to sleep, a peck on the lips before going out. the passion no longer is in him. as for intermatsy its not even happening fourtnightly. every time i ask what i can do to make things good again he tells me 'its not you' . 'you dont need to change.' 'its because i dont feel confident any more, im in a dark place right now'. yet he spends most of his time on the computer and deletes any history. i feel like im trying to keep alive something that died a long time ago, but i dont want to give up on him. we had long term plans for the future. i dont know if its excuses that are covering up something more sinister or if he is being truthful. i no longer feel that im atractive to him, or even desired by him anymore. i despretly need that spark back, the affection, the passion. please help

Emma White

IN NEED OF ADVICE! Ive been living with my partner 3 years now and i went on our computer the other day to find dodgy dating websites. I found he has created his own profile stating hes single and looking for a woman. I approached him about the situation and he promised to delete the profile and not go on the website again. But a few months on, and in the computers history hes been on the website almost every day. What do i do?

Sharon

need your advice. I'm 53, my 'boyfriend' of 2 years is 54. Before I met him his wife asked him to leave after discovering he'd had a string of 'liaisons' (affairs is probably too strong a word). He told me this on our 2nd date and said it only happened in the last year of their 30 years of marriage, after she'd told him she'd never loved him. I believe him on this. However, three months ago I felt something was going on even though I had no evidence at all to go on, so, one night while he was sleeping, I checked his mobile phone. There were recent sex texts from at least half a dozen different women. I immediately woke him and challenged him. He admitted that he'd been unfaithful to me with 3 women but the rest were just text sex. He said it had started when he was out of work (about 3 months previously) and that he'd already ended it with the 3 he'd been seeing. At that time I was shocked but not angry and I didn't even consider finishing with him. I love him and I do believe that he is essentially a decent man, however since then I have checked his phone regularly, though I try not to as I feel it's preventing me from moving on. For a while he was deleting all his messages and logs before coming home so there was nothing for me to find - suspicious in itself, I guess. He says that he's known some of these women for many years (even the text only ones) and although he's told them he's in a happy and committed relationship he doesn't see why he should cease all contact with them as they're friends of long standing. I'm pretty sure he's telling the truth about ending the relationships and I believe him when he says he's not seeing or texting anyone now. But every now and again a text arrives from some woman or another saying how long it is since she's seen him, how she misses him, how her dreams are filled with thoughts of him - I could go on but I won't. Needless to say I delete them before he sees them. I don't know what is getting through to him or what HE'S deleting! Soon after I first found out I phoned one of the women, pretending I was another of his affairs. She said she hadn't seen him for a while but wasn't surprised he had other women. She also said she hadn't expected anything from him because she knew he was serious about someone in R**** (my town). In short, what she said seemed to corroborate what he'd told me. So... I trust him for now, I still love him and I truly believe he loves me. When I asked him why he had these affairs he said he doesn't know, that he didn't think about how it would affect me but now he knows how much I love him and he realises how close he came to losing me, he won't do it again. I want to know, is that what all cheats say? If I can believe him, how long will it be before I stop waking at night full of jealousy and anger? He's booked our next year's holiday already, we only came back from a wonderful time in Cyprus last week. He doesn't ever eye up other women when he's with me. If I hadn't known about his extra-marital affairs I would have said it was completely out of character. Am I clutching at straws? Should I try to conquer these negative feelings? I'm also divorced but, for all his faults, my ex husband was never unfaithful and I'm not used to these all consuming feelings of jealousy, hurt and betrayal. I feel as if the man I thought I knew has died.

danielle

hi im having real problems with my boyfriend, hes not loving or affectionate towards me he has never been really, im not clingy but i would just like a cuddle once a day without having to ask or force one out of him, we rarely have sex it seems like im just there to make his dinner and clean his clothes. i got to college full time 9-5 everyday and i also have a weekend job and he is working fulltime aswell so we only really see eachother in the evenings but im starting to dread him coming home after he finishes work because he has really serious mood swings one minute he will be fine and the next he will be shouting and swearing at me and speking to me like i am stupid. he puts pressure on me aswell,he always tells me he wants to have a baby and tries to put a time limit on me trying to get pregnant, i had the implant put in when we met and im not ready to have children as i am only 20 and want to finish college he is 12years older than me so i can understand what he is thinking but i just feel like he should respect my feelings instead of keep asking me because he wouldnt be the person who would have to stay at home and look after a baby, i just need to live my life first, my implant comes out in a year and i am scared. i always bottle everything up and im worried it just might get too much one day.

emma

my problem is that i am so confused by my break up. my partner and i up untill 3 weeks ago were very happy, he would spend all his time at my house usually 6 days of the week, we wernt a lovey dovey couple in public or anything but at night we were quite intimate holding hands and things while watchin tv, as far as i was concerned everything was great, just 4 days before we split he told me he had fallen in love with me, then all of a sudden he tells me that he thinks it would have been better if we had stayed as mates and that he thinks we have been more like mates than a couple, and he thinks we should go our seperate ways. after trtin to get an explanation from him(he said all this via a social network site) which i never really got, i agreed to not bother him again. after a week i got a random message from him asking if he could keep in contact with my son as he was very close to him, i agreed, he then sent a message asking if i was still being funny with him, i replyed that i was doin as he asked and going my own way, he then asked if i was ok with us not talking, which im really not, now after that message he hasnt spoken to my son even tho they are online at the same time. i am just so confused as there was no sign that he was planning on finishing it, we were even planing on decorating my bedroom even tho he didnt stay here, and why did he tell me he was in love with me just a few days before the split? and then why contact me to ask if he can still speak to my son if he has no intention to? i just really dont get it!!

ceri

hi, the problem is is that i have a 3mnth old baby wit my current boyfriend and he thinks that are relationship is fine and dandy but its far from it, he keeps trying to tell me who i can/cant talk to and when i ask him to do somthing anything he sayin no he dont treat me how i want to be treated he dont even show he cares that much about me now i have had his child and have no got the body i had when i first met him, but resantly i have been speaking to my ex-boyfriend kieran now kieran make me smile n laugh what ever mood i am in he shows he cares about me alot even though i finished with him and despite we live in wales and scotland. i didnt reallize how much i miss kieran till i began to talk to him again over msn he said to me that he was realy gutted the baby wasnt his and he know i would be much more happier if i was with him but my heart is telling me to go back to kieran but my mind is telling me dont as i know how it feels not to have your dad round im so confuzzled and cant to begin thinking about what i should do i know i should do right for my baby but dose it make it worse if i still with my babys dad instead of going with my heart? i need help plz comment on this i nee advise and realy soon as i will be going up rto scotland so my currant partner`s family caan see the baby and guess who else livess close by x

Mollie

Hi I am in a wonderful relationship with a very loving kind man, we have been together almost 2 years and it gets better every day. The only problem we have is that he doesnt want sex as often as I do and it seems to take ages to turn him on, he assures me he loves me and fancies me, but I cant understand why he doesnt want to rip my clothes off more often!

kitty

I'm in love with a crazy gemini man.. who can't seem to stop surprising me.. one night he is telling me i love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you.. and i can hardly get him to go to sleep for his work tomorrow.. the next day he is not texting or answering the phone and is not contacting me at all!.. all of this happened before and i don't want this to be it! I really don't know what to do with him.. and my bestfriend keeps on telling me to forget about him cuz he seems like he doesn't care enough for me.. but i know that gemini men can be so tricky.. can u help me.. advice pleeeeeease??!!

Kyle

My girlfriend has cheated on me before with my best friend, even after that she keeps saying she sees "fit guys" nearly every day and I've found out she's still in contact with my ex-bestfriend. I've also heard that she's at it again and to be honest my trust for her has compleatly gone however I still love her so much but in a way I know it needs to end I don't know how to do it though, I don't want to hurt her like she hurt me. thank you, Kyle

Michael

I have been sleeping with my best friend (female) with over 8 months. She has a boyfriend who is has been with for several years. I know its not my proudest moment to be sleeping with her but I love her. Recently she decided to breakup with my boyfriend but despite what she has said in the past she told me that she didn't have "relationship" feelings for me either. She just wants to be friends. She says that she needs to sort herself out, to find out what she wants and who she is. She says she doesn't want anyone at the moment. She wants to stop any affection and sharing a bed because she doesn't know how she would feel but later said she would like to get back to the stage where we do. In a week we have went from sleeping together to her saying she doesn't feel that way about me. I am so confused. Is there no chance we could be together or if her feelings may change.

teli

i have been on and off with my boyfriend now for 3 years. we're both 22 and were friends for a year before anything happened between us. we all hung around in the same crowd but after about 7 months as a couple my boyfriend got insanely jealous of my male cousin who is like a big brother to me. he says he hates him and feels that me and my cousin are up to no good. we're not but how do i make my boyfriend understand this? its gone on for too long

Chris

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years now and I care about him deeply but there&#226&#128&#153s no spark anymore. We&#226&#128&#153ve been living together for the last 2 years and both had a lot of stress at work during this time. He&#226&#128&#153s my best friend but I don&#226&#128&#153t really fancy him and don&#226&#128&#153t feel like he really fancies me. I don&#226&#128&#153t really get excited when I see him. But he is the most loving, supportive, wonderful man in the world. Can we get the spark back or is this over?

hannah

me and my partner have not long been together and im starting to thim am i doin the right thing, as i really like him but he 37 and im only 19.

Sam

I have been with my boyfriend for 19 months now. We're both 18 and love each other very much, but because of our different backgrounds and situations i find it hard to see our future together. I work full time and live with my parents and he is unemployed and living on his own. He often needs to borrow money off me because he is broke. Although i dont mind helping him out every now and then, it is putting a strain on out relationship. I want us to be able to do fun things together like go on holidays but he cant afford it which holds me back too. I would never leave him purely for this reason but it feels like we're not moving forward or improving. I am starting to feel a bit depressed about this and have nearly broken up with him until i realised it wasnt what i wanted. I love him so so much and just want us to be able to move forward together with our lives and help him improve his situation. Please help.

lea

hi,im 20 and onli there 3months ago i lost my virginity,and my partner i was with then slept with someone else,so i got rid off him as he had done it to me twice before then,after i met a wonderfull man that iv known awile and we hit it off great,but i dumped him after 2 weeks i just cant seem to move on,however we have got back together now im just so worried that my past is going to come and haunt me again!and i dont whant that as i whant to be happy,as my new man gives me attension unlike my ex,so im not used to it,but my new man keeps bringing up about the time i dumped him and that he was really upset,and i was upset to and iv explained that i just wasnt used to all the affection that he gave me as my partner of 9months didnt give me any of that

shaz

since i have been pregnant it seems that my boyfriend has gone off me and dont want sex anymore, i get really upset because he is so distant and when i try to cuddle up to him at night he pushes me away, also he goes out every weekend and comes home happy, 1 time someone texted hes fone when he got home and i looked at it, it sed hey babe how r youu, so i replyed and sed whos this, then they tested bak nd sed we met last nite, i have been so upset as i feel that he has been cheating on me from the begginin of our relationship and i have been wiv him 4 a yr and few months now, i lovee him so much and he is the only man i feel comftable around, what should i do?

Marie

My boyfriend's cleaner gave him a red hearted shaped chocolate box whice says in large print SWEET LOVE. I told him it was inappropriate for her to give him this, he said she perfect and I am childish. she is Polish, he is Danish. I am Iranian, but I have been living in uk for 20 years, as far as I am concerned and searched, this is something one lover gives to another for valentine. he cannot see my point of view or that it is hurtful for me to see her give this to him, had it been a normal cholcolate box I would not have minded.

Grover

I don't know if this is unusual, but I'm in my mid 50s, heterosexual, and I've never had a relationship with a woman; the closest thing I've ever had to sexual contact with women were three pecks on the mouth from girls in pubs and on the street at Christmas and New Year way back in the early 1980s. I was adopted and brought up by parents who were older than average when they took me. As I grew, my Father was all right, but my Mother, perhaps because she'd never had a child of her own, was over protective. She didn't want me to play with other children, and encouraged me to feign illness and stay off school. I ended up leaving school altogether, pretending to be ill, when I was 12. With my Mother's encouragement, I spent the next ten years at home, feigning illness, missing school and the early years of work, and claiming sickness benefit. This did me a lot of damage, because during this time, I had virtually no contact with people of my own age and no contact with girls. When I was 22, I took myself off sickness benefit, and within two years, after some training courses, I was working. When I was 32, my Mother died, and I spent the next ten years at home with my Father, because he was elderly and had no other relatives. By the time my Father died, I was 41, and I seem to have missed the boat as far as romance was concerned. For the last 30 years, since I got back into the world of work and social contact, I've always found women difficult and frustrating to talk to and make friends with. When I first started work, I sometimes had much older women telling me that I was handsome, and even that I had movie star looks, yet I never got compliments like that from the young women of my own age whom I found attractive; I got very little interest or attention from them, and they snubbed me on the few occasions when I tried to make friends with them. I didn't start going out to pubs and nightclubs until I was 28. Because I'd already experienced being snubbed and ignored by young women for several years, I ended up just watching what was going on around me for most of the night, too afraid to try and talk to women or ask them to dance. In seven years of going out, I never met anyone, and I eventually gave up on it. I've only ever asked five women out. One of them, whom I loved, strung me along and let me ask her out several times knowing that she wasn't interested; another one strung me along before finally saying no; one turned me down first time, one let me arrange a date with her then stood me up; and the other one accepted, but there was no real spark between us and nothing came of it. I asked a woman out for the first time when I was 29, in 1984, and the last time I asked a woman out was when I was 39, in 1994, 16 years ago. I've been in love three times, twice as a teenager with girls who lived near to me and whom I saw in the street, but never got to know personally. Later, I fell in love with a girl I got to know just after I started working. She was the only pretty young lady who spoke to me at that time, but I had a low paid job when I first met her and I wouldn't have been able to afford to take her out regularly, so I never did anything. A couple of years later, I got promoted to a job in the same department as her. I eventually worked up the courage to ask her for a date, (she was the first girl I ever asked out) but by then, she had a serious boyfriend; I wouldn't have minded if she'd given me a straight no, but she strung me along; she let me ask her out four times, when she knew she had no intention of going out with me. I ended up sending her a Valentine with some clues that probably made it a bit too obvious who I was; she didn't respond. A few days later, she came into my office late one evening, and I asked her if we could have a chat about things. She said she'd come back and see me in ten minutes, but all she did was to go and get a man from her office to distract me while she sneaked out of the building. After that, we never really spoke to each other again properly. That was 25 years ago, but in spite of the way she treated me, I still had feelings for her until recently. She had always seemed like a lovely person, with a sweet smile and an apparently gentle, friendly nature; that was the main reason why I was attracted to her, but when I asked her out, I saw a nasty side to her. She played games with me, she lied and she was deceitful. It was six years before I asked another young lady out; we arranged a date but she stood me up, and I was quite hurt. Another four years passed before I asked anyone out again: once more, I got strung along, the girl let me ask her out several times before she finally said no. I have had some chances with women. In my early thirties, I worked with a teenage girl who was tall and quite pretty, and who seemed to drop hints that she liked me, but she could swear and be quite temperamental, so I wasn't interested in her. I later worked with a married woman who really seemed to like me, but I've never been interested in having affairs with married women. I met another woman when I worked in a call centre a few years ago. We got friendly, and she even stayed in my house for a couple of weeks when she had nowhere else to go, but I didn't like her because she seemed a bit unbalanced in some ways, doing weird things. I've never been the type of man who'd just go for any woman that was available, even when I was young. I've always needed to find someone attractive and feel comfortable with them before I try for them. It's as if there's some sort of curse on me; I've never in my life been able to make friends with a girl or woman that I've found attractive. I've never been forward or cheeky with women, it's not in my nature, I've always spoken to them in polite, courteous ways, never in crude or suggestive ways; I've never in my life put my hands on any woman in a sexual way, I've never spoken with other men about women in a derogatory way, and I've never bought pornographic magazines or watched pornographic films. I've only ever had a few male friends; Ive never been a nights out with the boys type, so I would have been faithful, loving, affectionate and devoted to any wife or girlfriend I'd had. Over the years, I've worked with or met men who had little respect for women, referring to them as slags or sluts, speaking to them in crude or suggestive ways, or cheating on their wives or girlfriends, yet they always seemed to get women, sometimes quite glamorous ones. It doesn't seem fair. I've lived on my own for nearly 13 years now, since my Father died, and I've more or less resigned myself to the possibility of never having a relationship with a woman. Physically, I'm in good shape, I've never been a drinker or smoker, I've been vegetarian and then vegan for the last 28 years, and I jog, swim and cycle regularly, so I'm fairly slim, fit and athletic for my age, but I'm not handsome, I've aged now, my face looks old and my hair has gone grey. No woman is going to find me attractive or show any interest in me now if so few showed any interest when I was young, and, I was told, good looking, 30 years ago. I feel trapped, and I don't know what to do. My youth has gone, in the job and day to day life I have, I don't get any opportunities to meet women, and I feel too old to go for nights out anymore, as most of the nightspots are full of teenagers and people in their early twenties. Also, because of my age and lack of sexual experience, I'm not sure I'd be able to satisfy any woman I met. When I look at women in the street I still find them attractive, but my sex drive is not as strong as it was 25 years ago. There is one woman in the building I work in now whom I find very attractive; she's about the same age as me or maybe a couple of years younger. For years, she was just silent and stony faced in my presence, but recently we got talking to each other, and we seem to get on all right. I'd like to ask her out, but I'm afraid to because of my past negative experiences with women. I could go on the internet looking for someone, but that has never appealed to me. Even before the internet came along, I was never interested in Lonely Hearts columns. I've never wanted to advertise myself and sell myself like a product to get someone. Neither do I want to join dance classes or anything like that, it would be false, because I have no genuine interest in such hobbies, and it can also be embarrassingly obvious that you're looking for someone. I've always wanted things to happen naturally, I've always just wanted to be able to talk to women that I find attractive without them snubbing me, giving me dirty looks or making me feel uncomfortable. I've always wanted to be able to make friends with women and ask them out, and for them to like me and to appreciate the qualities I might have. Recently, the memories of my negative experiences with women over the last 30 years have started to eat away at me; having the only woman I've ever really loved treat me quite badly when I asked her out; being strung along, stood up, rejected, getting coldness, rudeness and dirty looks from women when I've tried to talk to them politely, whilst seeing some men who had little respect for women get attention from them, and dates and relationships with them.

james

hi there.my girlfriend and i have been together now for 9 months.in those 9 months i lost my father and my girlfriend nearly lost hers.recently the spark seems to have gone out of our relationship.we are more like friends than partners.i can be a bit intense which i am tryingto change.have you any suggestions to put the spark back.i love her to bits and dont want to lose her.we do not live together so doing things together at times can be hard.

arron

ave been together with my now ex girlfriend for two month we have recently broke up.. she has told me she wanted a bit of fun and not a relationship that was the problem.. she has told me numerous times over the phone that she will take me back and still cares about me and has strong feellings for is she telling the truth or just a lie please help..

Debbie

I am a man and have been crossdressing for years since before I got married. In the last 10+yrs sex has become non existance in the 32 yrs of our marraige(since my children have grown up). But as the years have gone by I have dressed at every opportunity and a a reasonable hidden wardrobe of clothes and Lingerie. I contact like minded people on the internet,I would like to tell my wife butb I don't want to damage our relationship. I am coming up to 60 this year and although I adore dressing I was thinking of if anything was to happen to me and she found out while sorting through my belongings do you suggest anything I may do. I have thought of a letter but she may stumble across it before I die.

hollie

me and my boyfrind have been together for nearly 9 months now, but we have a big problem, hes always staring at other girls bums. hes says he loves me and wants to be me for the rest of his life, but he has no way of showing this. He always wants sex, very raley says he loves me and is looking at other girls all the time, i no it may not seem a big deal, but it makes me so angry and upset because i don't see why he has to do it when hes got me. is it because he doesnt want to be with me anymore and hes looking for other girls? could it be he's not happy with my body and wants something better? I'm not sure, i've tried talking to him about it he just denies it and says not to worry, but i have a huge problem trusting him and i think hes going to cheat on me, i can't be dealing with him looking at other girls bums because it makes me feel fat and horrible, but i don't want to loose him. please help me, i don't know what to do anymore.

*someone hurting*

Hey. I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years but we seem to argue over silly little things. Which in turn turn into massive and outrageous arguments with him insulting me severely, telling me he doesn't love me anymore and walking away. He does come back and talk to me a few days later but the things he says are still hurtful. All throughout the first year of our relationship our sex life used to be great, foreplay was fantastic and I used to feel his passion and love for me. But afta we started arguing I don't feel that same connection at all, there's no foreplay so wwhen he's penetrating it's realy painful and sore afterwards. When we're intimate it's no longer "making love" we're just having sex and it hurts me, I don't want to make him feel bad by ejecting his advances so I just let him get on with it. Even during that time he doesn't look me in the face and when he does it's like all I see in his eyes now is lust, I don't feel anything more. He'll say "I love you" but because of the way it's going on I don't believe he means it right. I don't know how to tell him "I'm put off having sex with you because you don't treat me the same way." He has noticed that during and after having sex I'm realy quiet. That also stems down to me feeling that because our sex life has changed dramatically, maybe he's cheating on me so when it comes to me he's just having sex to try and throw me off thinking he is. But with everything he's said and done, the way he'll easily say he does't want to be with me and the change in sexual attitude makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what to do.

Maristella

I have been dating this guy for lil over 2 months. I go to his house most of the time.. bc I live with my parent's. Everytime we get together we have a good time and amazing sex... but this weekend... was different.. We haven't seen each other in over a week, bc his parents were in town from NYC,how ever. I did meet them Twice, but me and my bf never had "alone" time while there were here.. SO, Finally when I saw him on Saturday after his parents left... when I came over his place... we had to jump in bed, bc we missed each other so much. After dinner we watched movies, and had plain sex.. and when I mean plain sex... we used to have good sex, tried new things... i dunno... so Sunday morning comes, Usually we have a morning quickie... but this time nothing, night time comes.... nothing... so I really didn't think of that to be a big deal.. Monday... He droped me of to work... and i was going to come over after work....When I came to his house, we had dinner...and he said he was a BAD BOY... and I was like ok.. he said he was sooooo Hor#$& that he had to "play with himself" twice.. that day...and then he added bc " I WAS not there" so. I am thinking I'm here tonite... so, will have some fun tonite....( i didnt say it, I was thinking) Time for bed came... and we had few laughs and jokes... so, i was trying to make a move.. and he rejected it by saying that " HES TO OLD and that hes Tired"... I was going to say... Ur tierd.. but u were not tierd to Play with urself 2 times... but again I didnt... i was so hurt... I didnt sleep all night.. and then next morning... he was all nice and chit chatty... kissed me... held my hand while we drove to work... Am I to Insecure... Do i depend on sex...!!?!?!? is it normal to be with him and not have sex...?!?!?! Or I am just very very insecure.. and thinking if he doesn't have sex with me... he doesn't like me? anyone!??! plz... help me.. what should I do? I am 25 and he is 32.... Is it stress on his side that does this!

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