Relationship problems: 'We don't talk any more'

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My husband and I have been together for 10 years and it feels as if we've stopped talking to each other. The only conversations we have are about boring everyday things. What can we do to improve things? Linda, Bradford

Dr Pam says:

It's so true that the daily grind and routine of most relationships can become "Ho hum" to the point it puts the relationship to sleep! But it is possible to do something about it. You can shake things awake by doing the following:

1. Kick-start a new phase in your relationship

Suggest to your husband that you take up a fun, new hobby together. Something like dancing that is sexy too - with the popularity of Strictly Come Dancing you can find dance classes in most areas.
- Find out more about dancing and other fun exercises

2. Ban talking

I don't mean all chat, but specifically any conversations about your children (if you have any) or problems, at least two evenings a week. When children arrive couples forget to talk about things besides baby-talk.

Couples also go round and round discussing certain basic issues, so their time together can seem so dull. You're entitled to some nights off of these topics - replace them with chatting about films, what you've seen on the TV, or something that's interesting and pleasurable to you.

3. Make a wish list

Have a think about things you want to do or places you want to visit and then write them down. Obviously these are things you need to plan for like a special holiday.

4. Go somewhere new

Make a pact to try some new restaurants, pubs, etc. to broaden your horizons. New venues give you new things to talk about.

5. Visit your past

Take a few strolls down memory lane - relationship research shows this brightens up the gloomy times. Revisit the place you first met, occasionally look through photo albums, and regularly remind yourselves of lovely times you've shared.

What do you think Linda should do? Have your say in our comments section below

Continued below...

- Next: How do I live with my partner's kids?

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It may be a case of undiagnosed Aspergers syndrome which was not noticed in the early days of your relationship. This causes the sufferer to be unable to contribute emotionally to the relationship. The victim is the "normal" partner. No amount of relationship chats will fix it because He/she will not understand what you are saying and will make all kinds of promises which he/she will not understand how to carry out.

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