Relationship problems: 'My husband's having an affair'
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I think my husband is having an affair. He's started staying late at work and has become more secretive than normal. I don't know what to do next. Amy, Leicester
Dr Pam says
Your intuition tells you he's having an affair and intuition is a powerful tool, but it's important to remember it's not always right. Keep listening to it though, while you do the following:
1. Chill out
Be relaxed when he's behaving normally - if he's innocent of any affair you don't want to stress out the rest of your life worrying.
2. Be straightforward
When he acts 'secretive', that's the time to say something like, "you are acting a bit worried - what's up?" Use this straightforward technique every time you feel he's behaving secretively. You?ll begin to get a sense of what his answers reveal - an innocent person or a guilty conscience.
3. Try to share
Suggest that when he has to work late that you pop over for a late dinner with him. Stress how much you'd love to do this, you know, share his load, etc. If he welcomes the idea that's the behaviour of an innocent man, but if he gets stressed and makes excuses that looks suspicious.
4. Keep your sex life alive
Try to enhance all the good in your relationship and make sure his long working hours don't kill off your sex life. If he's innocent this will have great pay-offs anyway and if he's guilty it may make him think twice about continuing an affair.
5. Be honest
Once you've done all these things, if you still have suspicions you'll have to be honest with him and tell him you want honesty in return.
You may wish to speak to Relate, even if nothing's going on.
What do you think Amy should do? Have your say in our comments section below
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By Pam Spurr
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