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Relationship problems: 'My husband's having an affair'

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I think my husband is having an affair. He's started staying late at work and has become more secretive than normal. I don't know what to do next. Amy, Leicester

Dr Pam says

Your intuition tells you he's having an affair and intuition is a powerful tool, but it's important to remember it's not always right. Keep listening to it though, while you do the following:

1. Chill out

Be relaxed when he's behaving normally - if he's innocent of any affair you don't want to stress out the rest of your life worrying.

2. Be straightforward

When he acts 'secretive', that's the time to say something like, "you are acting a bit worried - what's up?" Use this straightforward technique every time you feel he's behaving secretively. You?ll begin to get a sense of what his answers reveal - an innocent person or a guilty conscience.

3. Try to share

Suggest that when he has to work late that you pop over for a late dinner with him. Stress how much you'd love to do this, you know, share his load, etc. If he welcomes the idea that's the behaviour of an innocent man, but if he gets stressed and makes excuses that looks suspicious.

4. Keep your sex life alive

Try to enhance all the good in your relationship and make sure his long working hours don't kill off your sex life. If he's innocent this will have great pay-offs anyway and if he's guilty it may make him think twice about continuing an affair.

5. Be honest

Once you've done all these things, if you still have suspicions you'll have to be honest with him and tell him you want honesty in return.

You may wish to speak to Relate, even if nothing's going on.

What do you think Amy should do? Have your say in our comments section below

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enigma

My opinion, never accuse. Always remain attentive, however affirmation isn't found outside of theory, more so by communication. Ask, making your approach more of a communication of concern, however not an accusation while doing. Typically, one dissolves another's guilty conscious based on our display and accusations. Your partner becomes defensive which is the behavior to disguise. If true answers are what you seek, u most definitely won't be revealed out of fear. One will only open/reveal in an environment surrounding communication and this through approach. Anything aggressive, comes combative. This in truth can be applied when approaching anyone about anything. Don't approach with emotions of being out of control. Be genuine and sincere and more likely than not, your answers typically come a lot easier in doing. This works for both sides and a quicker approach to working together in attempts to making it works. Keep in mind however, it only works when two are actively working at it. If one isn't, take a look at it as a gift in disguise. I certainly don't want someone who doesn't want me. Until then, love, let be loved... Enigma~ Noteworthy. If an affair is in fact taking place, don't blame the other versus the person ultimately whom should be accountable for. As well, don't blame yourself for your partners affair....

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