Sex problems: 'We don't have sex any more'
My husband and I have stopped regular sex because I just don't feel like it any more. Is there something wrong with me?
Dr Petra says
It's normal for women not to feel like sex sometimes. Common causes include:
- Tiredness
- Not being turned on
- Stress
- Health problems
- Relationship difficulties
- Lack of confidence
- Poor body image
You'll want sex more if you feel desired, sexy and supported. Not only will help with the housework and childcare make a huge difference, but tell your partner how (and when) you'd like them to show how they fancy you.
Try masturbation and fantasies (on your own or with a partner) and be brave and say what you'd like sexually.
If your situation is caused by a psychological or physical health problem speak to your GP, or a therapist for relationship difficulties. Making practical lifestyle changes usually does the trick, but if not help is at hand.
- Next: 'My partner suffers from premature ejaculation'
More help and advice
- Your relationships problems answered
- In-depth info on stress
- More on body dysmorphic disorder
- British Association of Sex and Relationship Therapy
- Sexual Dysfunction Association
- Identify the cause of your sexual problems
By Dr Petra Boynton
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NOBODY 4 years, 2 months
Well my story is I've been with my wife for about 4 years now, 1 year dating and and on december 3 years of marriage, we enjoyed sex very much when we dated, when she got pregnant she hated sex we never ever had sex during her pregnancy, and I was ok with it because I love her, after my first and only kid was born, our sex life just went down the drain I mean I take care of her, take care of my kid, I tell her that I love her, I tell her that she's sexy, I have done incredibly wild things for her, when i try to talk about it she says "that's all you think about", but how can not I think about it if I barely get sex like 2 or 3 times a month? I mean sometimes i feel very degraded as a man, and that's tough to say from a man perspective, I tried undressing her and she tells me "what are you doing?", I get so turn ooofff when that happens, I'm coming to a point that I just want a divorce, some people might say, ooh sex is not every thing in life, she says it too, but it is important i don't want to go to the streets and cheat on her, but I'm getting tired tired of it, I only live once !!! HELP PLEASE!
Report this commentApril, 3 months
me and my bf have been going out for 5 months, at first we had sex a lot but now i feel upset because he wqants sex so bad but i really can't be bothered and i dont know why, i have depression and anxiety but ive had it for years so why has it changed now? im really stuck!
Report this commentKevin Griffin, 3 months
My wife and I have been married for 21 years, at first our sex life was ok but not good as I would of liked. But since we have had a young girl which is now 18 years old. our sex life ever since has been going down hill. Is there anything I can do to help her boost her sex drive and have a happy marriage again
Report this commentd, 7 months
My wife and I have been together for over 20 years. We have two beautiful children and I love her so very deeply. Soon after we first met She hurt her back badly at work which forced her to give up her job and after a period of incapacity she became quite depressed our sex life suffered as you might expect, but I was patient and was sure that things would soon get back to normal. however this has not happened. For the past eighteen years or so our sex life has been scant to non existent. It is not the lack of sex that I mind as much as the lack of any physical expression of affection or desire. I just want to be kissed, or hugged, or to see desire for me in the eyes of the woman i love and have devoted my life.
Report this commentX, 9 months
in my past relationships i had been able to orgasm through sex (vaginal stimulation) without any problem as well as by clitoral stimulation. However, i am now married and i am not able to orgasm through sex with my husband unless my clitiros is being stimulated! I don't understand what the problem is. I am extremely turned on by my husband and love him very much. I would love to be able to orgasm through sexual intercourse as before. Please help! Any advice?
Report this commentkaty, about 1 year
I have been with my partner for 6 1/2 years, our sex life was great when we were first together, now it hardly ever happens. i work shifts and am always tired. I dont know how to get it back? Also my parter is always negative after sex, saying it wasnt very good - because he thinks it should last longer, thats not a problem to me. i try and tell him this but it doesnt work. Any advice?
Report this commentlorraine, about 1 year
I have known my boyfriend for a year & lived with him since november. i have a higher sex drive than him. Sex is practially none exsistant I have come on to him in the night on several occasions & get turned away Is he having an affair? When i have mentioned this he makes fun I ask does he fancy me & he says of couse. I am confused, please help
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Virginia, 1 day
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year. Our sex life seemed quite promising at the very beginning of our relationship but it very quickly deteriorated. The thing is, I have a higher sex drive then he has. I came to realise he generally just doesn't like sex. It took me a while not to feel bad about myself or question his love but eventually I started to accept that he isn't a very confident lover. Sex has never been a big thing for him, not with me now, not with his previous girlfriends in the past. Altogether we have had sex about 5 times since we started to live together, which, yes, is slightly alarming considering my own sex drive. But I am trying to think like an adult and love him regardless. Just when I start to get a grip of the reality of things; I discovered a few days ago he had signed onto a dating site about 6 months ago and watches a bit of porn on a regurlar basis (I hate what the internet is bringing into homes!). I didn't mind him getting a kick out of porn but I am truly confused as far as his libido is concerned. When I try to comfront himself informally, and/or get him to confess to whatever he might have been up to, he swears blind he has never tried internet dating and begs me to have faith in our relationship. Am I too stupid for wanting to believe him? I'm utterly confused.
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