Search

How to cope if he's having an affair

(64 ratings)
Couple having relationship problems

How do you cope after an affair has been revealed and how do you decide what's best for you?



When a partner cheats, there are many things to think about. What about the kids? And does it matter if it was a one-night-stand or a longer affair? It can be devastating to discover that the person you loved and trusted has betrayed you so brutally by having an affair.

So what should you do? We've got the expert advice you will need to get you through this difficult time, including how you might feel, whether you should forgive and what will influence the decisions you will need to make.

 

You've just found out he's having an affair!

Your world has fallen apart. One minute you feel so angry you want to explode, the next you're sobbing because you think it's all your fault and you don't want to lose him.

'This is completely normal,' says Relate relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall. 'Many women are surprised by the way they respond in the early days and weeks after an affair. Your reaction can vary hugely, depending on the circumstances.'

For example, some affairs are a definite signal the relationship is over, others happen in a "moment of weakness".

Continued below...


'Just remember, you've experienced a major loss, similar to a bereavement,' says Paula Hall. 'You'll be confused and shocked.' 

Your rating

Average rating

  • 4
(64 ratings)

Your comments

Monica Maxwell

Hello to every one out here,Am Monica Maxwell, from United States am here to shear my the unexpected miracle that has happen to me few days ago, I came across a post online talking about how she got her ex back to her with the help of the great spell caster who happens to be high Dr OSIAN, that he helped her though i never believe this because i was just wondering how could this be, but i gave my self hope and i contact the spell caster. this is the unbelievable that has happened to me this December I was happily married and we had three kids, we lived together as one because we both loved each other but before i knew it, my husband started acting funny and cheating on me later on, he told me that he cannot continue with me so that was how he left me and my three kids without , but there was noting i could do to stop him or bring him back to me I work so had to pay the children's schools fee and other responsibility i did this for good five years. I cry all day and night because i don't know what else to do to have my husband back to me until this faithful day i saw the post from on one site a woman testifying how the high priest helped her to get her ex back I just wanted to try my luck because i never believe it will work but to my greatest surprise, am singing a new song i contacted the great priest on 2nd of December and he told me not to worry because once he finish caster the spell, that i will get my husband back the unbelievable happened on Friday when i got a call and I was surprise to hear my husbands voice apologizing to me that he is so sorry for keeping alone and came back home and we are happy together again wow, i really appreciate your good work great Dr OSIAN, God bless you and your good work for there noting else i can say than to tell the world about you. So if any one is out here seeing this post and you have similar issue like this, worry no more and contact the only man that can help you this email:osianspelltemple@yahoo.com

Tamara Jade Carroll

can't of been that happy of 30 years together if you couldn't let it leave your mind & you advise others to go their separate ways

Tamara Jade Carroll

Hope to cope?? Don't cope just pack his shit up & throw him out!! Simple..

delite

i recently contacted a doctor named GBOCO i find his email: gbocotemple@yahoo.com on the internet so i decided to contact him for help in my relationship he ask me to send him my details which i did after that he told me that the gods reveled something to him and he told me everything that was reveled to him and he told me what he was going to do that after three days my relationship became sweet again and the person that was behind my problem came to begin me for forgiveness which my mother in-law now i and my love are happy again including my mother in-law.... thanks to Dr. GBOCO.

khulud

does marrige work without sex??? plz help

Em

My partner of five years had been having an on-off affair for 18months. I had my doubts when he kept working away and just phoning me for 5 mins here and there. I found txt message on his phone last august and we spilt up for week. He begged me back and I forgave him he said she had got wrong end of the stick and kept sending him messages. Soon after things went back to routine, untill after Xmas he kept disapearing at weekends telling me he was working or goin out with the lads or even just causing an arugument. I threated to leave again and it stoped we had 3 week break and got back together it was great. Then out of the blue this august I recieved letters emails and photos thru the post off a girl he had been having the affair with. So AGAIN I left took my children away on hoilday he begged to visit told me everything was finished and that she had been blackmailing him she would do this. He came to see us then 2 days later said he had to go. I knew he was goin to see her but he denied it as usual. When I got home I kicked him out and he went then few weeks later we ended up talking and decided thro it would be hard to try again. He had to work away again and promised to keep in touch at all time then the weds he never answered his phone and when he did finally he was in the loo. I knew he was up to no good again. I found the girl on facebook and friend requested her she happy acepted and sent me long message how he had tol her we weren't together and all other stuff. I was gutted but pleased for my own sence cause I wasn't goin mad like he had said always accusing for no reason but all along I was right. I met this girl as same as me she had been lead down the garden path. And we confronted him, he admitted all and said sorry. He came back home that night saying he loves me and wants us (lol) he never want her just played along hoping it all just disapear. We are still living together as it's his house and I think I've got no rights so me and my 3 children are looking to rent. We are getting on better than ever thro that's the strange thing. I know he's lied to me so much and things he done unforgivable but why carnt I just walk away. It's so hard i feel we could of had great life. Can people change??? And how or where do u begin??? :-( x

sarah

I found out 3 days ago my partner sent photo of a semi erect part of his body to a unknown number (no name), I have tried to phone this number (once) but went straight to answer phone, I know he will get on the defensive straight away.... but I know something must be going on as you don't just send pics of yourself to someone if you are not being intimate with them???I know i have to confront this issue but am really scared to do so as am 8 months pregnant with our 2nd child... I just wish there was an easy way out arghhhh!!!

yve

This happened to me when I had only been married for four years. It broke my heart. We were apart for 6 months, and then he came home. I took him back because I loved him, and we went on to spend 30 happy years together. We never mentioned what had happened. However, nothing was ever the same, for me, at least. Think of having a priceless vase which gets smashed, and then repaired - no-one else will notice the damage, but you will always know that it's there. My advice is - go your separate ways, because no matter how hard you try, it will NEVER leave your mind.

Jay

And are we to suppose that it is only MEN who have affairs? What about the effect on men when they find out that their wife/partner is having, or has had, an affair? Presumably they are expected to just get on with it and stop making a fuss?

Gemma

Well, I found my hubby had been meeting women (he ended up having fairly long-term affairs with 2 of them - one at a time) on a married dating site and like this says, I was pretty surprised at my own reaction. I always had a policy in place that anything like this was the end. Truth is though, I was bored of sex with him, but I still love him in all the other ways. I think he feels the same. Anyway, we stayed together! He does his best to keep whatever he's doing a secret, and I'm free to do the same. I haven't had an affair, but I definitely like that fact that I can go for it if I meet someone I like.

Samantha

hi my husband started an affair in sept got the girl pregnant left me in january (thats when he told everyone about the affair) he didnt tell anyone about the pregnancy. we have a son together which was a very tramatic event as he was born early we had been trying to have a baby for two years previous to this unfortunately before i got pregnant with my son i was pregnant before that and lost the baby but also in a very traumatic way i had to give birth to the baby this had put a major strain on our relationship and we both closed down stopped talking and just argued all the time the girl he had an affair with was determined to get him she has had a few affairs with people at work before my husband, this came from my husbands boss not my husband so it wasnt an excuse. my husband and i were very depressed and lost i had no confidence and she was giving my husband lots of compliments and making him feel good about himself which is obviously what i couldnt give at the time and she was giving him what he needed, he said it was like watching another person doing the things he was. Apparently she had been trying for two years to get pregnant and told my husband she couldnt get pregnant, and he stupidly believed her now there is a baby. my son is only 1 and half and her baby is about 3 months old now. We have decided to get back together my husband made an appointment at relate to try and pinpoint where are problems started so they dont happen again, we have been together for 10 years and this is totally out of character for him it devasted him and he left and i let him go he tried to have a relationship with this girl but like he said he didnt want to be with her and never did he only ever wanted me but we were totally different people and werent getting along as my husband said these were reasons but not an excuse for what he has done. some days im better than others sometimes i blame her for everything and others i blame him totally it is very hard to feel good about myself when he had to go elsewhere to get what i couldnt give and im terrified things will go back to that when something else bad happens but my husband says it wont as he has learnt his lesson and we are talking now about everything which we werent communication had completely stopped except for shouting. I still wont allow him home but we are trying to get are relationship strong again before we move back into together again

caro howe

I was hoping this articel would tell me how long would be needed to get over an affair. My husband had an affair 2 years ago. He wont see relate and he doesnt know why it happened. I fought to get him back because I knew what had happened was totally out of character for him. We had been happily married for 28 years and had 3 children. I still feel dejected and cry most days over it. Small things turn into big arguements because I feel unloved. He couldnt be more caring, he says he loves me. I just need to know if it is normal to feel like this 2 years later and how long will I be like this.

Melanie White

I FOUND OUT IN THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS THAT MY PARTNER OF 18 YEARS HAS RECENTLY ENDED AN AFFAIR, AND AFTER A VERY ANGRY EXCHANGE I LEARNT THAT THIS WAS NOT THE FIRST TIME. HE IMPLIED THAT IT WAS ALL MY FAULT AND I WAS TO BLAME. I ANGRILY ASKED HIM TO LEAVE AND HE IS NOW STAYING WITH HIS ELDERLY MOTHER, SO THAT WE CAN BOTH TAKE STOCK. READING YOUR ARTICLE WAS LIKE A BREATH OF FRESH AIR, A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. I'VE PRINTED ALL THE PAGES AND I'M GOING TO TRY DISCUSS THIS WITH MY PARTNER. BEFORE I READ THIS ARTICLE ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS HOW AM I GOING TO COPE!! I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO SEE SOMETHING ABOUT WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN. MY OWN SON IS 6 YEARS OLD AND AS HIS DAD OFTEN HAS TO LOOK AFTER HIS MOTHER, HE HASN'T YET REALISED THAT ANYTHING IS WRONG AND I WANT IT TO REMAIN THAT WAY. ONE THING I WOULD NEVER DO IS ALLOW MY CHILD TO BE PIGGY IN THE MIDDLE AND I WOULD NOT MAKE HIS DAD LOOK BAD AS HE ADORES HIM. THANKS FOR THE INFORMATION AND LET'S HOPE THAT WE CAN NOW DECIDE AS ADULTS, WITH YOUR HELP WANT HAPPENS NEXT.

comments powered by Disqus

FREE Newsletter

Subscribe to Essentials

Subscribe from only 21.99