He's having an affair: Decision time

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Now he's told you everything it's time to consider your options. But first, work out what sort of affair it actually was. Paula Hall believes affairs usually fall into four main categories

1. The Exit Affair

He wanted to leave you but didn't now how to tell you... so he had an affair. If his affair falls into this category he probably wasn't very apologetic when you found out. He may even have refused to talk to you about it.

2. The Thrill Affair

He was bored and looking for excitement, adventure or even danger. This sort of affair creates an adrenaline rush that can be very addictive.

3. The Boat Rocking Affair

He's been unhappy with your relationship for a while, but didn't know how to tell you... so he had an affair

4. The Three's Company Affair

These affairs can go on for years, or he may have had a succession of 'mistresses' over a long period of time, because he cannot simply commit himself to one woman.

Are we both to blame?

This is a question that many women start to ask themselves once the initial shock has worn off. Something was clearly wrong with your relationship, otherwise your partner wouldn't have had an affair. It's important that you consider this rationally and take responsibility for your part in creating any bad feeling.

But don't fall into the trap of thinking you are equally to blame. You're not. 'Rationalising your cheating partners behaviour or sympathizing with him is pointless,' says clinical psychologist Dr Phil McGraw. 'It's never okay to go outside of your relationship to solve problems within your relationship. It's not your fault.'

- Next: Should you stay?

All pages in this article

He's having an affair
He's having an affair: how you might feel
He's having an affair: what should I do?
He's having an affair: Decision time
He's having an affair: Should you stay?
He's having an affair: Should you go?

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lea, about 1 month

my husband didnt quite have an affair it was just texting other women on his phone. calling them babes sexy darling and going on the internet, there is no mention of the types of things we class as affairs and how to deal with them walking out on you cos they cant say sorry as they feel they done nothing wrong!!

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