'I slept with another man'

(31 ratings)
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'I've been together with Mike for 15 years and married for 10.

We've been through a lot together and I love him dearly. Recently, though, we've both been working really hard and haven't spent as much time together.

I know that's not an excuse, but maybe I wasn't getting the attention I thought I deserved.

One night, I went out with the girls after work and we ended up in a bar that we'd never been to before.

This guy started chatting me up and was being really attentive. It had been a hard week and I probably drank more than I normally would.

Before I knew it, we were getting into a cab and going back to his place. To be honest, the night passed in a bit of a blur and I ended up doing a midnight flit back home.

People talk about "drunken one-night stands" and I used to laugh, but now I've done the same thing.

I feel awful about what I've done and know that I could never do anything like it again.'
SH, 38, Leeds

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The Outsidet

Outsiders should also never judje murderers. Unles you are that person, how do you really know what they are going through. Humans are not perfect we are in a society quick to condem. Yeah and stabing him only once in the heart is not a big deal, it is only one time hurt. Ah and of course, solving problems with attention through concersations, councelling and getting a divorce is not an option hence a hedonist acting out on spouses is much better. Of course much people cheat and so do much people still, kill and do some other awful thing to one another. There is nothing to destroy as it is already distroyed. Yes, forgive yourself and then go and cheat on him again one you have problems. You honesty is overated but dishonesty is the best way to maintain this healthy society wher we don't "judge" murderers and cheater. She does not protect anything as regret, dishonesty and suffering will only create a hell and suffering for her poor husband. No, the scum of earth are wise people and those with some integrity are dishonest. How, could we stupid people think she's bad when she is such a loving, faithful, And by the way, telling people the truth sparing and without adding one's own opinion about their charackter and morals is not judgment, this is simple truth and observation


I take it you cheated my question is what if you found out your man did it and it almost always comes out. And he most definitaley should be told as this was no mistake I mean she didn't forget to pay the light bill she knowingly got in a cab to go to his place so where is the mistake? She had other man put his penis in her opening herself and her husband to diseases or worst her getting pregnant. He should be told and if he leaves her it will be on her. There are sometimes repercussions for the choices we make and if she REALLY loved him no amount of any substance or anything life could put in her path would make her cheat or anyone for that matter.


i hate seeing people hurt some people on here their opions are best kept to themselves i believe that if you are truly happy with your husband no other man will ever make you happy like that... the night you had a few drinks you obviously were feeling insecure in your relationship and maybe should have said something to him about it before hand that fact that you allowed to let what happen says to maybe you were looking for an excuse to break it off... sorry


it is a horrible feeling, the best thing is to forget it happened, make sure it doesn't happen again and try to avoid drinking on nights out with the girls.


i was wit a guy for 4 years and we gt on so well e treated me lik a princess and was the best ever bt lik u i wnt out and got really drunk and ended goin home wit my ex witch made it 10 times worse bt the guilt u feel will in a way go away if u tell him cuz it will be off ur chest and e has mre of a chnce of forgivin u if u ar honest rather than if e finds out from some one else honesty and trust are the 2 most important thing in a realationship they go hand in hand


I feel sorry for you. Guilt is a horrible emotion, made worse by knowing that this was all your own fault. Learn from it. Don't tell your husband just to get it of your chest. You would hurt him terribly and you could lose him. The guilt you feel should be your punishment and the lesson to learn is that you should never ever go with a stranger-he could have been a nutter or could have given you an std and you would have to tell your husband then! Try and put it behind you and concentrate on sorting out your marriage.


I think she should tell her husband because the truth probably will eventually come out and then it will be worse. I know the feeling. I just found out recently that my man of 7 years cheated on me almost a year ago from someone else. Even though it's been here and gone it still hurt like hell. I am trying to forgive him, but the trust issue can be very draining. Cheating is wrong no matter how you look at it.


I think that outsiders should never judge someones actions. Unless you are that person, how do you really know what they are going through? Humans are not perfect, we are in a society that is so quick to condemn. You only had a one night stand! You regret it. Like you said you were not getting the same attention from your husband. If humans are not getting there needs fulfilled ppl tend to find it some where else. Its like taking a quick fix. LOADS of ppl cheat, every day. I know people who cheat regularly. Do not feel bad, over one night. The most important thing is to forgive yourself. If you tell your husband, he is not you. He will not rationalize. He will see it an attack oh him. No point destroying what you have. Honesty is over-ratted. I think only say something if you are havng a full blown affair and you no longer feel anything. You obviously care, you are just protecting the relationship and his feelings. Do not think you are a bad person, other ppl are just ignorant. Do not feel like a bad person!!!!!! Be strong and do what your heart is telling you to do.


Love and sex don't have to be related. Alcohol is well know to be a sex enhancer. Some people just can't control their sex drive when drunk. That is the case of my wife. The first time we had sex she was drunk. Actually most of the times we had sex before marrying she was drunk. After we married it happened to her once. She was devastated. Fortunatelly she didn't get pregnant.


My you cheated and had a one night drunken 16 months down the track I still hurt like hell. Like many others have said there is no excuse..drunk or not. It may be a secret now but as we all know secrets have their way of coming to the surface. It is you who has to live with what you have done and you won't ever understand the hurt your partner feels (when he finds out) until it happens to you. Let this be one of life's lessons and I truly hope you learn from it.


dont break his heart just so u can clear ur own dirty conscience. It was ur mistake, just grow up & deal with it. He wont thank u in the long run.


Tell your husband. Even if you never do this again, you still did it. If you really love him, give him the respect of knowing who he is married to.

barbara brown

forget about it and dont feel guilty. other wise do it again but dont get caught.


you should tell him my ex has been cheating on me for a long time he has never admitted it though so i got rid its no excuse its very hurtfull knowing they have slept with someone else im just getting over it life goes on


You should do it again with other men now and again and don't tell hubby. Have fun!


I agree with most of the comments on here, as long as you know that you will never do anything like that again, or get into that situation again, then there's not really reason to tell him and destroy a relationship, as nothing more is going to come of the one night stand. You feel remorseful, and clearly regret doing it. I don't agree that drink is not excuse etc, as i'm sure many people have said that but when it happens to you, you then realise that its more that you don't act as you normally would, and all your inhibitions go out the window. It was a mistake, but at the end of the day, you should do whatever you think's best, especially as you know your husband and how he'd react more than anyone. Hope this helps


to be fair you should tell him, yes it might ruin your relastionship, but he will more than likely find out and it would be much worse, there is no excuse for cheating, and if he did the same to you, how would you feel, drunk or not, i bet you would finish with him. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet, at the end of the day you loose trust when you cheat. and thats what lays down the base or a relationship


"You should always tell your partner anything and everything that he could easily find out some other way" Quote from 'Yes, Prime Minister' and I think it holds a lot of truth.

Carla Belling

If you didn't have sex then don't feel guilty. If you did : It's like going up to paris hilton and saying are you a lesbian but hey you were drunk we all have gotten drunk sometime hubby's probably slept with someone else anyway and has not told you.


No SH shouldn't tell her husband if she feels guilty she should talk to a close friend or someone she trusts


i don't think you should tell, if you do you might ruin your relationship over one night. as long as you woudn't do it again, and know you wouldn't then i don't think you should. unless of course you're feeling far too guilty and want to get it off your chest despite the consequences. in the end you'll make the decision thats right for you anyway!

Delonte Higgins

Just look as a one off, a really bad mistake not to happen again.

Jeanie James

You made a mistake, plenty of us do. But one that you will probably never do again. If you can live with this, there is no point telling your husband.


sorry but drink is not an excue, maybe next time you will not drink as much! how would you like it if your man slept with anouther women! heart broken i bet! tell him and face the consequences

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