'I don't know who the father of my child is'

(18 ratings)
Silhouette of a woman whispering into another woman's ear
'Just before I got pregnant with Sammy, my boyfriend Gavin and I were going through a rough patch.

We were arguing about money and bills, the usual stuff really, and one of us quite often ended up spending the night in the spare bedroom.

It was about this time that I bumped into an old boyfriend, Terry. We'd dated years ago and for one reason and another it didn't work out.

I needed someone to talk to and Terry just happened to be there.

One night after Gavin and I had a huge row, I stormed out and found myself at Terry's. One thing led to another and I ended up spending the night there.

I never told Gavin what happened, but the whole business with Terry freaked me out and I stopped seeing him immediately.

I also patched things up with Gavin really quickly, because the thought of life without him scared me.

About a month or so later, I realised I was pregnant. Gavin was over the moon and, of course, he dotes on Sammy, but I can't help wondering if he really is the father.

I know I probably ought to find out, but it scares me that I'll get the result I don't want.
Penny, 34, Bristol

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i need to find the father of my child she`s only 1 years old and i feel bad that she has to suffer not knowing who her father is i made the biggest mistake out there and im going to pay for it no matter how much it hurts me can someone please help me.


Can you work out who is the father from your dates? If you remember your due date and can minus 38 weeks from this date this will be approx when you conceived. What was the time-scale between sleeping with the two men?


i am going thru the same situation, my daughter is 4 and although in arguments and of impulse and conciously i have told her father (the one that is raising her) in arguments that he is not her real father the guilt eats me up inside, he takes it but it just stays like that, i dont know what to do, i understand my daughter is still young and feel horrible for her not knowing where she comes from knowing she may have a sister.. i know she must know for her own sake, i just dont know if her biological father deserves to know the truth being hes a jerk.. should i not say anything and leave everything good as it is, this father figure she has here is a terrific father and bf.. or should i go for the jerk (biological father), i feel awful noone knows this and its eating me up everyday i dont want it to be too late i shouldve said something when i was pregnant, what can i do?


f u decide not to do a dna test it will eat you up inside and youre daughter will hate you couldnt you and terry sort dna out behind gavins back if not come clean 4 everyone sake


If the man knew the baby wasn't his is would be alright if you two made the decision together to not get DNA. But that man deserves to know the child might not be his.


I understand the situation with your current boyfriend, in most relationships people have hard times, but is that a reason to sleep with another man?...Your boyfriend should know and if he loves you enough he should forgive you. You and him are better off knowing who is the real father then living your life not knowing! Do it for your daughters sake, you owe it to her! Im sure your fella will forgive you in time, but it does take alot. Good luck.


You need to find out!!! first you should talk to your husband.... then it is his choice weather he wants to bring this child up as his own if he is not the biological father. However if this happens and your husband isnt the biological father then please, please dont keep it from your child. I bet your thinking how do i tell my child this??? well i was always told i was special and had 2 daddys, i cant remember been told this as i was young when i got told. my dad brought me up as his own all my life and my biologiacal father didnt want 2 know. I have always know my dad isnt my biological dad but have never seen him as anything less than my 'real' dad. He has brought me up as his own and i respect him more for that. my dad and mom are not together now, but nothing will ever stop that man been my dad. Even though i feel this strongly about my dad it didnt stop me wanting to find out where i really came from. I knew i had a sister out there somewhere and i went looking for my biological dad and sister. i just wanted to let you know that i think it is important to know where you come from. I hope everything works out for you and your child x x


She has to come clean. I was in a similar situation, and although it took me a couple of months to speak up, as soon as I did it was a weight off my shoulders, as well as being the best thing for my child in the long run. He doesnt see his biological father, but it was terribly unfair to let someone unknowingly bring up another mans child. Its going to be heartbreaking, and there will be a lot of tears, but better now than it coming out years down the line...


u need to sort out why u cant stop sleeping with men. If you have a bf and still cheat you need to ask yourself why? are you not happy or is it just the excitment that draws you in?


Penny don't wait - find out now so you can tell your child when it is old enough. I did not find out and my daughter is grown and I live with the guilt of not knowing and really need to find out for my daughter (for health purposes as well) She has a father in her life (he knows the truth) but we never told her. He is the man she grew up with and he's an exceptional person. Although we have been divorced since she was very young he still was very much a part of her life. How do you tell an adult daughter the truth - the truth is I do not know for sure between two men who her father's really eating at me and I am very afraid to break her heart and also afraid of her reaction. Please don't judge - I have lived with this guilt since I was 18 and now in my early 50's - I know I just need to own up to my mistake of not finding out (she is definitely no mistake in my book - as it turned out she is my only child.....


penny needs to find out who the father of her child is. my brother always thought my dad was his until he found out when he was 15 and he was heartbroken. he found it hard to believe that mum had lied to him all those years and couldnt trust anyone again. you have to take responsibility for the consequences that may happen when gavin finds out, but for the sake of your child, you need to know who the father is.


I was in penny's position but i had two children already and was with the father of my two children for 10 years but things wasn't working out so we split up and he seen the kids on the weekend i met an old boyfriend six months later but he used to work weekends and i wasn't used to that i liked having company all the time. One night my ex the father of my two kids came around we had a few drinks as my two kids were away that weekend with there auntie and we ended up in bed. Two weeks later i found out i was pregnant and didn't know who the father was. The guilt was eating away at me so i told them both they were both upset and i agreed with the boys dad to do a Dna test it came back negative the old boyfriend would not do one. Ive been through the csa to see if they could get him to do it he would not. He does not see my son now who is now 6 and i believe that's all to do with me. Penny although things haven't turned out the best for me i had to know and in the end the guilt will be too much for you and you are living a lie. The good thing that has come out of this is i have a beautiful boy and that is all that matters to me.


She must find out who the father is. It is dreadfully unfair to expect a man to raise a a child that isn't his - if he makes the choice to do it, that's great, but she's just placing her burden on the most convenient man for her right now. Also, for the sake of her child she should find out - not knowing who your father is, it's awful (I know!) - when this child grows up and finds out she's lied for all these years he/she will probably be very angry and want to find out the answer anyway. Do it now rather than in 25 years!


Basically I think that Penny should decide if finding out is really going to change anything. It doesn't really matter who the biological father is, I mean what really makes a father? Someone that had sex with mummy, or the guy that has raised the child? And if Gavin really does love you both then it should matter to him either. Finding out could cause so many problems, as long as the child is happy and you are happy it shouldn't really matter.


thats terrible. Penny has to find out because she ows it to her child to find oout. imagne if he grew up thinking that someone was his dad and it was really someone else

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