Sexplanations: 'He sees me as a sex object'

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Woman unhappy lying on a bed
Every week we partner up with our sister magazine, Woman, to bring you expert sexual health advice from Christine Webber, a qualified psychotherapist with her own Harley Street practice.

The problem

'My husband and I adore each other, and both enjoy sex. But he wants it far more than me. I feel he sees me as a sex object. Recently, he gave me sexy lingerie. As usual, it was tight, scratchy and red, which doesn't suit me. Why doesn't he realise this just doesn't turn me on?'

The advice

Most men think about sex a lot. This is not true of most women - especially when they have a million other things to do and think about. Also, guys are very turned on by visual stuff, whereas our sexual response is much more complex.

I know you don't see yourself as a sex object. But, actually, it's great that your man does. If he didn't, your relationship wouldn't be half so good. Why don't you occasionally put on your red lingerie at bedtime - so he can enjoy taking it off you! Don't wear it all day - regard it as 'dressing up' for him.

Meanwhile, try educating him about what does turn you on. If you feel fruity when he gives you a shoulder massage, then tell him. And if a candlelit dinner puts you in the mood for love, then encourage him to take you out more - and make sure he understands how romance is the key to your libido. Hopefully, he'll get the message.

Coming back to the lingerie, there's actually nothing nicer than lovely underwear - the sort that's pretty, gives you a great shape and helps you feel good about your body. Go shopping together for the best bra and knickers you can find, something that looks sexy but is also comfy. That way, he'll still get his treat and you'll be thrilled with it too!

- Read more Sexplanations advice from Christine Webber

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Is your relationship in need of some sexual healing? Email your problem to Christine on or to us at goodtoknow and we'll pass on your email.
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