Mend a broken relationship: Money problems
What happened?
He's lost his job, money's tight and the rows are escalating. You're still working part time but he wants you to account for every penny you spend, and he goes mad if you buy anything 'unnecessary' especially for the kids. But you don't think they should suffer just because he's not working. Besides, you're the one who's bringing in the money, why shouldn't you decide how it's spent?
How you're feeling
Resentful, angry and worried about the future. Although you would never admit it, you're also feeling disappointed in him for losing his job and letting you down.
How he's feeling
Terrified, ashamed and angry that he can't support his family. Although he'd never admit it, he's also resentful that you still have a job when he doesn't.
How to solve it
'Money rows are rarely about money,' says Relate's Paula Hall. 'They're about power, control, priorities and self worth.' Stop fighting and hurting each other, and start talking openly about your shared anxieties. 'You both realise that you need to be careful with money right now, you both just need to compromise on what you consider "essentials."'
Once you've done that, you can make practical decisions and life will become much easier. 'But don't lose hope,' advises Paula Hall. 'Try to see this this as a temporary situation which hasn't yet got an end date.'
More help and advice
- Tips to put the spark back into your relationship
- Who wears the trousers in your relationshiup?
- More common relationship problems answered
- Get relationship and marriage advice from Relate
More ways to mend a broken relationship
- An Affair
- Problems over kids
- Gone off sex
- Drifting apart
By Kate Corr
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Laura Gray, 3 months [Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.]
hello, I live with my fiancee and we`re due to get married next sept.we have only been living together for 5 months, and i`m getting really annoyed with him.I pay for 3/4 rent and all the bills, and he has alot of debt which i knew about before we moved into together.but trying to pay the bills,save for the wedding, doesn`t leave me with very much money for myself, when he does do over time at work he spends it on his hobbies and doesn`t put away for the wedding, have tried rasing this with him but all we do is end up having arguements and nothing get solves. Also i do all house work,cooking & cleaning, when i ask him to help out he just looked at me and walks away, he doesn`t notice the mess so it doesn`t bother him.he use to live with his mum before living me and his mum use to do everything for him -he is 31! help! We have been together on & off for 10 years