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Mend a broken relationship: Gone off sex

(11 ratings)
Couple in bed woman pushing man away_J unlimited

What happened?

You've been together for years and have two young children. Although you still love your husband you're rarely in the mood for sex. Most nights you're just too tired and don't feel sexy anymore. But he gets angry when you keep turning him down so sometimes you just 'give in' to keep him happy.

How you're feeling

Irritated, baffled and under pressure. You still love him but don't want to have sex very often. Why is it such a big deal?

How he's feeling

Rejected, vulnerable, lonely, unattractive and a failure in bed.

How to solve it

Act now. 'The longer you leave it, the harder this is to resolve,' says Paula Hall. Sex is a really important part of your relationship. 'Ask yourself - if I had some nice new underwear, caught up on sleep and had time to pamper myself would I feel more inclined?' says Paula Hall.

If so, you haven't 'gone off sex' you're just in a rut and need to make more of an effort. 'Strike a deal with your partner. Tell him you'll be willing to have more sex if he's willing to look after the kids, let you have a nap, or a relaxing bath, or all three!' adds Paula Hall. 'Most men will be thrilled to oblige because the pay-offs are extremely worthwhile! It takes longer for women to get in the mood anyway so having time to prepare could prove vital.'

More help and advice

- Tips to put the spark back into your relationship
- Bored with the missionary? Try a new sex position tonight
- Who wears the trousers in your relationshiup?
- More common relationship problems answered
- Get relationship and marriage advice from Relate

Continued below...


More ways to mend a broken relationship

- An Affair
- Money problems
- Problems over kids
- Drifting apart

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  • 4
(11 ratings)

Your comments

Dave

Randomly got here due to relationship issues. This is coming from the other side but I can completely relate. If anyone ever believed that guys just want sex its simply wrong. Intimacy is a massive part, and in my opinion as important as sex.

kelly

I've been with my fella for over 3 years now & in the begining our sex life was really good. Now we have nothing he seems to have totally gone off me. I know there is no one else he just doesn't seem to get turned on anymore. We have talked about it & he say's he doesn't know wot is wrong or why but he say's it ain't me. But i just can't help think that it is me. And i have told him that there is so may knock backs i can take. I do think my sex drive is way higher than his but i also know that he really enjoy's sex to. It just seems to of gone and we need help to get it back some how.

kayshia

i don't no why but my boyfriend don't wont to have children or get married but he did with his ex girlfriend and we been 2geter alot longer i just dont think he loves me as much as he makes out.

Claire

My husband "went off" me almost 7 years ago. For a whole year he didn't even touch my hand or hug me. I thought he was having an affair, turned out he was into Internet sex and I had absolutely no idea. Nearly 6 years after making this discovery things are far from ok and we're at the point of near breakdown. He has not been able to get or maintain an erection but refused to accept there was a problem until I said I wanted to leave. I don't know what it's all about, all I know is, I've been faithful throughout and often wonder if I'm stupid for this because I know (at 45) that I'm in better nick than a lot of women half my age. He's recently said he's willing to try Relate - why wait til I want to end it to announce this??? I just don't get it?

Kim

My boyfriends the same, every time i try to make a move he just laughs and gives me a hug or holds my hand or says he's tired. He's lovely kind and attentive in every other way but just doesn't seem that interested in sex. The only time he seems at all interested is in the mornings but i'm not a morning person and always have to rush out to work.

22

I actually have a question. Everything I look into is always about the women not wanting sex, what about when it's the other way around? I'm forever trying to get my bf to be intimate with me and find my self getting pretty angry that he says no all the time...hes always to tired or just doesnt feel like it. And when we do have sex it just seems like he's doing it to get it done and over with, i think the last time there was any foreplay for me was about a year ago when he was drunk. We don't have any kids so the stress of that is'nt the problem, and we live in a small town so if he was cheating im sure I would've heard by now although to me that seems like the most reasonable answer, mind you I really dont see when he could do that, where i wouldn't have noticed by now. My only other thought is that he's not attracted to me anymore, and my self esteem has dropped below 0. I've tryed to discuss this with many times, I tryed to be suddle and not make it a huge issue but its been goin on for so long that i couldn't help it and ended up making it a big one. He knows how I feel about it and that I dont find it very normal for the guy to be saying no everyday, but he still hasn't tryed to do anything about it. To top it off he talks about things he used to do with his ex's all the time to his friends and he's told me things to which hasn't help my confidence at all it only makes me feel even more like theres something about me which is why he's not intimate with me. I dont know what to do now, any suggestions as to why he might be doing this???? I would love to hear a guys point of view I've tryed to ask a couple of his close friends which I know isn't right but they have'nt mentioned it to him or I would've heard it lol but all they can say is trust me he's not cheating on you and he's crazy to not have sex with you they would love to have a gf like me so that doesnt really help me much and my friends have said either he's cheating or is bored of me (which trust me i've done my best to spice things up) and once again he's crazy.

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