What happened?

You've been together for years and life has been a struggle at times. Now he's got a good job, the kids are older and it's getting easier. But he works late and spends weekends watching football. Your lives are so different that you don't seem to have anything in common anymore - you're growing further and further apart.

How you're feeling

Bored, lonely, depressed. Is this it?

How he's feeling

Bored, lonely, depressed. Is this it?

How to solve it

Start communicating again. 'Ask yourselves "how have we got into this rut?" Then make a conscious decision to do something about it,' advises Paula Hall. 'Start by planning time together, even if it feels ridiculous at first.' Simply sitting down to eat a meal together or going to the pub is a start, but taking up a new activity together is better as it gives you something new and different to talk about.

'You don't have to share lots of interests and hobbies to have a good relationship though,' says Paula Hall. 'Try asking what you can learn from each other instead? Try to enjoy and appreciate the differences between you.' Remember, deeper shared values about trust, honesty and integrity are what really count, not the amount of time you spend together watching Sky Sports.

More help and advice

- Tips to put the spark back into your relationship
- He's having an affair - what next?
- Who wears the trousers in your relationshiup?
- More common relationship problems answered
- Get relationship and marriage advice from Relate

By Kate Corr

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