'I'm trying to get pregnant, but my husband doesn't know'

Kim, 4 months

If you really want a baby then it is extremely unfair of your husband to deny you this. Did he make it clear that he didnt want children when he married you? You should get pregnant and pretend that it all happened accidentaly. He will never find out. To make it more believable, when you fall pregnant you should act really shocked and upset. Or even better, you could try a bit of reverse psychology and accuse him of tampering with the condoms. This way he will never think that you did it deliberately. Also make it clear to friends and family that it was a total shock and a mistake so that if he walks away from you, he will end up looking like the villain. It is unlikely that he would walk away from you anyway, if he is committed enough to have married you then there is no reason that he should walk away if you were to 'accidentaly' fall pregnant. I can understand how you feel and no woman should be denied the right to get pregnant. When the baby arrives your husband (provided he is a decent human being) will love the baby so much that he wont be able to remember why he didnt want a child in the first place. Anyone who says that it is unfair on your husband must already have children or not understand how it feels to desperately want a baby.

LaShelle, 4 months

I would not do that. supose you do get pregnant and he thinks u cheated. it could come back and bite you. talk to him about it again find out when hes gonna be ready and if u dont want to wait you could always say your on birth control. he want pull out no condoms and youll get prego

Sarah, 5 months

What if it is a genuine accident as it does happen even with contraception and the man insists he does not want children even when he himself has his own and the woman doesn't? There are situations where nothing underhand has been done.

beth, 5 months

I think that women who trick men by getting pregnant through secretive ways are always going to end up getting hurt. My partner has a 7 yr old son who was conceived due to his ex of 4yrs stopping taking the contrceptive pill to enable her to get pregnant without consulting him. Once the baby was born and an arguement started it wasn't long before she threw in his face that she had trapped him by not taking her pill. 3 months later he walked out - he still has regular access to his son and worships the ground he walks on, but he has never got over his ex deceiving him over one of the most important decisions a couple should make. We are ourselves now trying for a baby but we both know about it. If you go ahead and get pregnant accidently on purpose then you only have yourself to blame when everything goes wrong. Think of the unborn child too, how will they feel if they ever find out that they are only here because mammy tricked daddy?????

Sarah, 5 months

I was on the pill and did get pregnant by accident. My partner of 5 years already has 2 children from another relationship and always said he didn't want more. I was in two minds about having a child myself so wan't ready but I was told that I would be resented if I had the child. I felt that this was very selfish of my partner to expect me to remain childless but to get involved with and make the sacrifices which comes with having his kids involved as part of our relationship. How unfair does that sound? It came up in conversation that he didn't know if we had done the right thing me terminating which made me feel worse and now I can't stand to do anything with his kids and feel left out.

Annette, 6 months

My husband of nearly 2 years has just declared to me that he doesnt want a baby and he wants me to get rid or else he is going! I am not getting rid. He and I always spoke of our family and our babies and now he has said that he never really wanted a family and was just lying to me!!! He says he feels trapped and that I have got what I wanted and that I tricked him?? We decided together to stop the pill and not to use condoms and see what nature had planned for us, so no trickery there then! What do i do? I love my husband but cant and wont give my baby up for him. What is the answer? Help!!!!!!

mommy of 1, 6 months

I think that we all can agree that you need to talk to your husband again. Say something like "babe we really need to talk. Its nothing bad its about having a baby" then tell him that you would love to have a baby I what to know why you're not ready. Then go from there. There are lots of things it could be. If its about not having enough money. Just tell him it doesn't matter how much money we have, when you have a baby you never feel like you have enough. I have found that is the reason why most men don't want to have a baby. It could be that he just wants to be married for a couple of years before having kids. Like I said before it could be lots of things but you will never know unless you ask him. Good luck.

mabe, 7 months

ti dont know if he condom trick could work if u try it a couple hour after as sperms can live up to 3 days but are vcery delicate n just because of ph change tempeture they can die easy and if the condom has spemecide what ur doin is useless!!! another thing i dont recomend u do it as if u really wanna get preagnent you should just tel him of what u want . im sure hell understand as u say he loves u and even if he doesnt wants it now he might understand n change when he wants it and might want it sooner than be4 . u can really ruin ur new marriege over a stupidity like this . if u love him why dont u have the trust to tell him what u want. i believe ur missin comunication between the 2 of u

????????, 8 months

I know exactly how you feel cause iv been doin the same thing only i'm on the pill and havent really been taking it, iv been with my partner for 5 1/2 years but have just started this recently because i never really tought about having kids b4 i just tought if it happened it happened but wen the subject came up he went really quiet but then said i want to wait till i have ??? job and "x" amount of money b4 i have kids which could take years and i'm not willing to wait that long, reading all the comments i think the people who are telling you that you've not thought about his feelings are all mad, did he think about your feelings wen he said no? i dont think my partner thought about mine i think you should do whatever you think will make you happy.... hope everything works out for you xxxx

yesenia, 8 months

i kno wat ur going threw n i wish that more people could understand wat we r feeling. im doing the same thing to try n get pregnant i jus really want to have a baby!!!!!

Mary, 9 months

And you want to be a mother???? First id go and get help what your doing is sick!!! its a selfish act and you cant love your husband a great deal to do this behind his back!!!!!!! keeping the condom didint they teach you at school hun???? sperm cant live that long outside the body! your sick in the head and your husband could so much better

vicky, 10 months

I have read a few comments.....and while it is wrong....i can also understand and sympathize with you. Its a natural urge for us women and once you get the urge it doesn't go away! It's always at the back of your mind, hope...and disappointment with every period or negative pregnancy test. Your husband has said he doesn't want children YET....maybe you should talk to him. I wouldn't tell him what you've been doing but just tell him how you feel. Hope things work out. Vic x x x

gillian johnstone, 11 months

how could you do this to sum one you love? he has told you how he feals and you just disregard it and go for your selfish wishes if you fall pregnat what every he dose he will always resent you for this and what about the poor child brought in to this world like this he could end up resenting the chils as well

JANET, about 1 year

You must know what you are doing is wrong and deceitful, just think when your husband finds out what you have done I can guarantee he will leave you. Maybe bring the subject about children in a round about way and find out if he still feels the same as he did when you first talked about him not wanting children. Maybe he may have had a child before he met this lady with a previous partner and the baby may have died of an illness so maybe he feels that the same thing might happen again that could be one of the reasons why, but I am only guessing about this I might be wrong. I justhope for your sake that things do work out on the subject of having children, maybe he may change his mind so whatever your decision good luck for the future and take care of yourself LUCY*

Christina, about 1 year

i would just like to tell a little story on this matter about a friend of mine who had a simular dilema. she had bin whiv her partner for about 8 years i think and she was all up for getting married having children and the little cosy life to go with it. however, he didnt want any of it, he told her that he had a bit of a commitment issue. so like yourself, she came up with this idea that everything would be fine once their little bundle of joy was in the world. so she started skipping tablets and became pregnant. trouble is, he didnt like that so much. now he's disappeared, and she's left with a baby living on a council estate. i guess the moral of the story is, (if ur really going to go through with this), then not only plan for a happy future with ur husband, but also plan for a future on the basis he might not be there. Christina xx

Nicola, about 1 year

hun, you really need to talk to your partner on this one.. If he never wants children and you do.. Maybe it's time to look elsewhere? Do what is best for you.. But I'm not sure that it's right for you to secretly get pregnant.. What if he didn't warm upto the idea?.. You have to think about things logically.. Take a step back, look at the situation. You want a baby.. He does not.. The only thing you can really do here is talk, talk to him, tell him how you feel and if he doesn't get persuaded - there is no point trying to get pregnant as the relationship wont work, you have to work at it for it to last, joint decisions are a must on this one, its a very big decision!! Good luck.

sarah, about 1 year

are you insane? you are definitely NOT ready to be a mother-period.

jo, about 1 year

I cant believe anyone would be stupid as to get pregnant regardless of what their partner wants. The condom trick would never work as sperm wont live that long outside of the body.

Lizzy, about 1 year

I understand. You know your husband better than anyone and you probably know just what your marriage can survive and what it can't. I am in a similar situation. My husband told me that not having kids was not an option for him, but he wants to wait to have a certain house, or a certain car, or have "x" amount of money in the bank before we start trying.... Meanwhile, I am getting older and I don't want to wait to start having kids. I know he will love a child with all of his being and his conditions on this are irrational. The kind of financial stability he is talking about won't really happen until we are in our 50's! So what if I supprise him? All of you other ladies have no right to call me or this woman names. After all you don't really know all of the details behind the situation. It is for Lucy to decide what is right or wrong here.

toya, about 1 year

thats selfish!!! talk to your husband about it!!! a baby will only create more problems, you'll probably end up as a single parent, is this what you want?

kathryn, about 1 year

that is despicable. i totally disagree with what you are doing. having a child should be a joint decision, i would never go behind my partners back. what if he really does mean it and finds out you did this, he may leave you! i think you are stupid and irresponsible! i think you are a vile person and a discrace to all women, you give us all a bad name!

mary, about 1 year

i agree with the others if you cant agree now and surly you talked about it before being married raising children is hard enough with a husband or partner but in saying this i have two lovely boys and my husband would not get too stressed out if i had another one and if i was really desperate i would probably do the same but in any case i would never let anyone tell me to get an abortion i have my own mind and you are nit really that crazy at all thats just being broody like most of us

J, about 1 year

This is an absolutely terrible thing that you are doing. You really have no right to play with someone else's life in this way. Your husband says he doesn't want a baby 'yet' so why haven't you spoken with him to find out if and when he likely will want one rather than stealing his sperm for your own selfish needs? Having a baby is a massive decision yet you are not allowing your husband to be able to make that decision. If your plan succeeds, what sort of person do you think your husband will think you are? You really do need to grow up yourself before you bring another life into this world.

????, about 1 year

hmm this is a tricy one. it involves alot of thinking. i would find out exactly the reason/reasons my husband doent want a baby. then u gotta decide how badly you want a baby is a baby worth risking your marriage? my advice would be to talk about this alot with your husband. i mean it wouldnt hurt to wait jus a bit longer maybe in the time you wait you maybe able to convince your husband that thats wot you really want an he may change his mind good luck with wotever you decide xxx

Dani, about 1 year

Hi Lucy... I think you sould really think about what your doing here. Your husband obviously has his reasons for not wanting children yet and you should respect them. Have you thought how your husband is going to feel about what you have done?? I think you should talk to your husband and explain to him what you have done and your reasons why.. its the right thing to do and he deserves to know. Good luck i wish you all the happiness in the future x x

becca, about 1 year

i think that you are running the risk of your husband leaving you because of your decitful and devious behaviour you should talk to your husband maybe there is a genuin reoson for him not wanting children yet and i think this is a topic you should of spoke about before you got married for all account of beeing a single mum that i have read it is not fun and you should wait till you are both ready but i dont think that you should push the matter.

Gemma B, about 1 year

You should talk to your husband and tell him how badly you want a baby and how you really feel. When i was younger my mum want a baby boy so badly and when i was born she was thrilled but then my little brother was born and my mum started ignoring me. You dont want your husband to do this to your baby do you?? You should wait untill you are both ready for a baby and then try to concevie. Then the child will have both the parents atention. Good Luck

ej, about 1 year

if ur hubby dusnt wanna baby yet then no 1 cn force im in2 changin his mind e iz gonna hav 2 notice sooner or l8a that ur goin b-hind his back bowt dis, n if he dusnt wanna baby n u get pregnant then he is probbly gona wlk owt on u just tlk 2 im n xplain ow badly u want a baby i fink u also need 2 tel ur hubby wot u hav bin doin behind his back. then let him decide wot he wnts, u cnt plan his lyfe owt b-hind his back... PS u sownd absoluutly krazee

Princess x, about 1 year

This is in no way fair on your husband..if your not happy about the fact that he isn't ready for kids then maybe you should take a good look at your marriage,you both want different things.Maybe he doesn't want a baby just yet because he is stable with his life at the moment and doesn't want that kind of change.Decieving him is not the best option,you 2 need to talk. (xxx) Princess (xxx)

????, about 1 year

Me or my ex partner were using contraception but wen i got pregnant he wanted me to have an abortion. I didnt and just thought he would come round but he never did and he doesnt see his daughter no matter how hard i try to make him and this has been going on now for 5 years

Alice, about 1 year

No affence but your really silly, if you have been usin a condom then he is goin to think u have cheated... He would no if it split. And u lyin to him and your self, He may not be ready for kids yet, for what eva reason you basicly tryin to trap him and he wont trust u if he finds out. u need to talk to him and tell him u want a baby. Good luck. Alice

gemma, about 1 year

Becoming pregnant is a thing that should be decide between two people. What you are doing could be seen as devious and selfish. If your husband does not know the score, do you really think if you was to somehow get lucky and become pregnant that your husband would be happy and not suspicious at all? This could cause problems in your marriage. I think you need to talk to your husband again and explain how important this is to you right now. You are doing yourself no favours lying and being secretive. I hope you can talk and sort out this situation as man and wife.

ruby, about 1 year

you should only listen to ur self if you want a baby u should have one. your the one wit the clock thats tickin not him. you can raise the baby by your self im sure that you got friends n family who can support you. i say go ahead wit your plans n good luck xx

Christine, about 1 year

Lucy, I think that this is completely outrageous and a massive mistake. Apart from the fact that if your husband found out, this could cause big problems, if you do get pregnant, he may not change his mind about wanting a child and may either try to force you to give it up or it could put big distance between you. Either way, I think it is a recipe for disaster. It would be so much better for you to discuss this all with your husband and try to broach the subject of children again n due course. You never know, after a few years of marriage he may change his mind. You actually sound a bit crazy at the moment and if he found out, he may question who he married.

emma, about 1 year

you must have known that your husband did not want children defore you married him if you 'accidentely' get pregnant he may 'accidentley' walk out on you. I am a parent to a 5 year old girl whose dad does not want to see her and she has started to realise that she does not see her dad when some of her friends have got dads