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'I'm trying to get pregnant, but my husband doesn't know'

(19 ratings)
Woman reaching for condom_jupiter unlimited
I'm recently married and desperately want a baby but my husband doesn't want a child yet. I know he doesn't really mean it, so I'm secretly trying to get pregnant anyway.

I'm convinced that when a little one comes along he'll change his mind so I've thought of a plan. We're using condoms but instead of just throwing them away, I've been keeping them, cutting a whole in the top and doing self insemination to get pregnant.

I'm not sure it can happen this way but fingers crossed!

Lucy*

What do you think about this confession? Do you think what she's doing is right or wrong? Have your say in the Comments section below...

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emma

you must have known that your husband did not want children defore you married him if you 'accidentely' get pregnant he may 'accidentley' walk out on you. I am a parent to a 5 year old girl whose dad does not want to see her and she has started to realise that she does not see her dad when some of her friends have got dads

yesenia

i kno wat ur going threw n i wish that more people could understand wat we r feeling. im doing the same thing to try n get pregnant i jus really want to have a baby!!!!!

Mary

And you want to be a mother???? First id go and get help what your doing is sick!!! its a selfish act and you cant love your husband a great deal to do this behind his back!!!!!!! keeping the condom didint they teach you at school hun???? sperm cant live that long outside the body! your sick in the head and your husband could so much better

vicky

I have read a few comments.....and while it is wrong....i can also understand and sympathize with you. Its a natural urge for us women and once you get the urge it doesn't go away! It's always at the back of your mind, hope...and disappointment with every period or negative pregnancy test. Your husband has said he doesn't want children YET....maybe you should talk to him. I wouldn't tell him what you've been doing but just tell him how you feel. Hope things work out. Vic x x x

gillian johnstone

how could you do this to sum one you love? he has told you how he feals and you just disregard it and go for your selfish wishes if you fall pregnat what every he dose he will always resent you for this and what about the poor child brought in to this world like this he could end up resenting the chils as well

JANET

You must know what you are doing is wrong and deceitful, just think when your husband finds out what you have done I can guarantee he will leave you. Maybe bring the subject about children in a round about way and find out if he still feels the same as he did when you first talked about him not wanting children. Maybe he may have had a child before he met this lady with a previous partner and the baby may have died of an illness so maybe he feels that the same thing might happen again that could be one of the reasons why, but I am only guessing about this I might be wrong. I justhope for your sake that things do work out on the subject of having children, maybe he may change his mind so whatever your decision good luck for the future and take care of yourself LUCY*

Christina

i would just like to tell a little story on this matter about a friend of mine who had a simular dilema. she had bin whiv her partner for about 8 years i think and she was all up for getting married having children and the little cosy life to go with it. however, he didnt want any of it, he told her that he had a bit of a commitment issue. so like yourself, she came up with this idea that everything would be fine once their little bundle of joy was in the world. so she started skipping tablets and became pregnant. trouble is, he didnt like that so much. now he's disappeared, and she's left with a baby living on a council estate. i guess the moral of the story is, (if ur really going to go through with this), then not only plan for a happy future with ur husband, but also plan for a future on the basis he might not be there. Christina xx

Nicola

hun, you really need to talk to your partner on this one.. If he never wants children and you do.. Maybe it's time to look elsewhere? Do what is best for you.. But I'm not sure that it's right for you to secretly get pregnant.. What if he didn't warm upto the idea?.. You have to think about things logically.. Take a step back, look at the situation. You want a baby.. He does not.. The only thing you can really do here is talk, talk to him, tell him how you feel and if he doesn't get persuaded - there is no point trying to get pregnant as the relationship wont work, you have to work at it for it to last, joint decisions are a must on this one, its a very big decision!! Good luck.

sarah

are you insane? you are definitely NOT ready to be a mother-period.

jo

I cant believe anyone would be stupid as to get pregnant regardless of what their partner wants. The condom trick would never work as sperm wont live that long outside of the body.

Lizzy

I understand. You know your husband better than anyone and you probably know just what your marriage can survive and what it can't. I am in a similar situation. My husband told me that not having kids was not an option for him, but he wants to wait to have a certain house, or a certain car, or have "x" amount of money in the bank before we start trying.... Meanwhile, I am getting older and I don't want to wait to start having kids. I know he will love a child with all of his being and his conditions on this are irrational. The kind of financial stability he is talking about won't really happen until we are in our 50's! So what if I supprise him? All of you other ladies have no right to call me or this woman names. After all you don't really know all of the details behind the situation. It is for Lucy to decide what is right or wrong here.

toya

thats selfish!!! talk to your husband about it!!! a baby will only create more problems, you'll probably end up as a single parent, is this what you want?

kathryn

that is despicable. i totally disagree with what you are doing. having a child should be a joint decision, i would never go behind my partners back. what if he really does mean it and finds out you did this, he may leave you! i think you are stupid and irresponsible! i think you are a vile person and a discrace to all women, you give us all a bad name!

mary

i agree with the others if you cant agree now and surly you talked about it before being married raising children is hard enough with a husband or partner but in saying this i have two lovely boys and my husband would not get too stressed out if i had another one and if i was really desperate i would probably do the same but in any case i would never let anyone tell me to get an abortion i have my own mind and you are nit really that crazy at all thats just being broody like most of us

J

This is an absolutely terrible thing that you are doing. You really have no right to play with someone else's life in this way. Your husband says he doesn't want a baby 'yet' so why haven't you spoken with him to find out if and when he likely will want one rather than stealing his sperm for your own selfish needs? Having a baby is a massive decision yet you are not allowing your husband to be able to make that decision. If your plan succeeds, what sort of person do you think your husband will think you are? You really do need to grow up yourself before you bring another life into this world.

????

hmm this is a tricy one. it involves alot of thinking. i would find out exactly the reason/reasons my husband doent want a baby. then u gotta decide how badly you want a baby is a baby worth risking your marriage? my advice would be to talk about this alot with your husband. i mean it wouldnt hurt to wait jus a bit longer maybe in the time you wait you maybe able to convince your husband that thats wot you really want an he may change his mind good luck with wotever you decide xxx

Dani

Hi Lucy... I think you sould really think about what your doing here. Your husband obviously has his reasons for not wanting children yet and you should respect them. Have you thought how your husband is going to feel about what you have done?? I think you should talk to your husband and explain to him what you have done and your reasons why.. its the right thing to do and he deserves to know. Good luck i wish you all the happiness in the future x x

becca

i think that you are running the risk of your husband leaving you because of your decitful and devious behaviour you should talk to your husband maybe there is a genuin reoson for him not wanting children yet and i think this is a topic you should of spoke about before you got married for all account of beeing a single mum that i have read it is not fun and you should wait till you are both ready but i dont think that you should push the matter.

Gemma B

You should talk to your husband and tell him how badly you want a baby and how you really feel. When i was younger my mum want a baby boy so badly and when i was born she was thrilled but then my little brother was born and my mum started ignoring me. You dont want your husband to do this to your baby do you?? You should wait untill you are both ready for a baby and then try to concevie. Then the child will have both the parents atention. Good Luck

ej

if ur hubby dusnt wanna baby yet then no 1 cn force im in2 changin his mind e iz gonna hav 2 notice sooner or l8a that ur goin b-hind his back bowt dis, n if he dusnt wanna baby n u get pregnant then he is probbly gona wlk owt on u just tlk 2 im n xplain ow badly u want a baby i fink u also need 2 tel ur hubby wot u hav bin doin behind his back. then let him decide wot he wnts, u cnt plan his lyfe owt b-hind his back... PS u sownd absoluutly krazee

Princess x

This is in no way fair on your husband..if your not happy about the fact that he isn't ready for kids then maybe you should take a good look at your marriage,you both want different things.Maybe he doesn't want a baby just yet because he is stable with his life at the moment and doesn't want that kind of change.Decieving him is not the best option,you 2 need to talk. (xxx) Princess (xxx)

????

Me or my ex partner were using contraception but wen i got pregnant he wanted me to have an abortion. I didnt and just thought he would come round but he never did and he doesnt see his daughter no matter how hard i try to make him and this has been going on now for 5 years

Alice

No affence but your really silly, if you have been usin a condom then he is goin to think u have cheated... He would no if it split. And u lyin to him and your self, He may not be ready for kids yet, for what eva reason you basicly tryin to trap him and he wont trust u if he finds out. u need to talk to him and tell him u want a baby. Good luck. Alice

gemma

Becoming pregnant is a thing that should be decide between two people. What you are doing could be seen as devious and selfish. If your husband does not know the score, do you really think if you was to somehow get lucky and become pregnant that your husband would be happy and not suspicious at all? This could cause problems in your marriage. I think you need to talk to your husband again and explain how important this is to you right now. You are doing yourself no favours lying and being secretive. I hope you can talk and sort out this situation as man and wife.

ruby

you should only listen to ur self if you want a baby u should have one. your the one wit the clock thats tickin not him. you can raise the baby by your self im sure that you got friends n family who can support you. i say go ahead wit your plans n good luck xx

Christine

Lucy, I think that this is completely outrageous and a massive mistake. Apart from the fact that if your husband found out, this could cause big problems, if you do get pregnant, he may not change his mind about wanting a child and may either try to force you to give it up or it could put big distance between you. Either way, I think it is a recipe for disaster. It would be so much better for you to discuss this all with your husband and try to broach the subject of children again n due course. You never know, after a few years of marriage he may change his mind. You actually sound a bit crazy at the moment and if he found out, he may question who he married.

merpderpmerp

has this worked?

Kallie

How would you feel if you weren't ready to handle a child yet and your husband was going behind your back and poking holes in the condoms? Try talking to him about it. I'm sure he has reasons for saying no to getting pregnant right now. While you're right, he probably would love any little "accident", there's still the fact that not both of you are ready. Any "little" reason for his decision could be the deciding factor between a happy family in the future and a chaotic stress-filled divorce now. No, I'm not saying he'll divorce you if he finds out what you've been doing; I'm saying that babies strain relationships. And if he has reasons (be they financial, health related issues, mental/emotional maturity on both your parts, current stressors, etc.) to want to wait for a baby, those reasons will come back to bite you in the ass if you choose to overlook them. Because the things you should work on in your relationship right now? Those all have to take a back seat to the needs and wants of your little one. Bottom line is, babies? They're selfish little things. They don't care about you. If you're tired at 3am, if you've had a long day, if you have a migraine or the stomach flu, if you have a 50 page paper to write, dinner to cook, whatever... if they want something, they cry. If they have gas, they cry. If they're hungry, they cry. Dirty diaper? Screaming shall fill your ears. Too hot? Too cold? Too loud, too tired, too antsy, not enough visual stimulus? You guessed it, they'll screech your ears off. If they just feel the need to create some noise? Yeah, they scream for that too, not caring that you're running around like a chicken with your head cut off, worried to death that there's something seriously wrong with them. And the screaming and crying and tantrums continue for at least 7 years, after which you'll gain another slew of things to deal with. And you can't even think about focusing on yourself or your marriage again until they're at least 18. So think carefully. 30 hours of excruciating labor pain is not the hardest part of raising a child. I'm not saying this to try to keep you from ever procreating, but think long and hard about whether both you and your husband are at a place in your lives where you're both ready to give up sleep and sex and designated meal times to focus completely on a child. Having your own family is a beautiful thing. But his reasons for not wanting one just yet are probably more than just selfish whims. There's logistics here too.

nic

dont do it. its wrong, your partner should want it too otherwise it's selfish - i have to kids already. me and my new partner are desperately trying again after i had a miscarriage - BUT we both agreed to it AND told our families what we are trying to do. it isn't just your life you'll affect, there's the baby and your husband's to think of. there could be a valid reason as to why he wants to wait - TALK to him! this is why relationships break down, through lack of communication. tell him how you feel, if he still doesn't want a child yet at the end of it, it's up to you to either wait with him or find someone else. Just stop trying, because no matter how bad u want it, u could end up splitting up and having to cope on your own, and to do it behind his back is awful. Relationships are supposed to be about honesty, being open, and what you're doing is not.

desparella

I have been with my fiance for 5 years, I feel as though he will never set a date to get married or pregnant.. And I want both so bad! Sometimes when I give him oral sex I spit his sperm into my hand and insert it myself

not saying

i cant believe that anyone would do this! Its up to both of you if you have a baby or not because you'll both be affected. Its not just your lives its the life of the baby too. Wait until your both ready and happy to have a baby and then try for one. I can't believe people are supporting you.

jen

Hello, I am 40 yrs old, have been married for 14yrs, we have 2 beautiful daughters, age 13 and 9. I thought we were done having children, we both agreed. (He has 2 grown older children 26 and 23). Well a year and half ago we got pregnant unexpectly. We both were surprised, but happy. I ended up having miscarriage @ 14wks pg. I thought i would be ok, but now i still want another child, but my husband says no, We are done. I feel he is being selfish, he has 4 children, I only have to daughters, and would like to try one more time for a boy. So this month I have tried self insemination from the condom we used. I thought i would try a couple of times if it doesnt work, then I guess it wasnt meant to be. But I am still longing for a baby one last time.

jayni

i want to get pregnant but i want also boy healthy,fair colour so what should i do what i want pls help me

Cass

I think this is a hideous betrayal of the trust your husband put in you. Since you are recently married I am assuming you were wise enough to have the "baby-talk" before you tied the knot. I think you need to work out why it is you want this baby - many people rush into having kids as soon as they are married because it feels like the next step, but it is a huge commitment and if both the father and the mother are not in agreement over it then it isn't the right time. He never said he didn't want children full stop. Maybe he's trying to wise and wants to spend some time with you as his wife and earn enough money to support the expense of having a child. He's been honest with you and told you how he genuinelly feels and you are betraying all of his faith in you by dismissing his real concerns at this time as trivial. This isn't a case of you buying him a shirt he wasn't keen on because "you know he'll want it and like it when he sees it" - this is a human life. I think you really need to wise up to that and see there is no harm in waiting a few years and enjoying those years as a husband and wife, doing things that you won't be able to do so easily once a child comes along and strengthening your bonds and saving for a child rather than rushing into something that could very easily strain or even break your marriage and leave you, him and an innocent child in a very sad situation. If this disgusting dismissal of his needs as something trivial is your general approach, you are not even nearly ready to become a mother. I think these actions are vile and I sincerely hope for your own good as well as for the good of your new marriage and the wanted child, that your acts of self-insemination do not work.

p

I say go for it. It's your body, you are going to be the one to get pregnant, deal with it, and raise it (possibly on your own if he leaves you), so if all this is cool with you, and you are prepared for if he decides to leave you, then do it, or say you are on the pill and then not really take them, etc. I am doing this myself, I want a baby and I am ready to make that decision, so if you are too, good luck! Don't listen to all the haters ragging on you, it is your body, you should be the one to decide (and live with the decision even if it's hard to make as well).

rachel

What some people don&#195&#162&#226&#130&#172&#226&#132&#162t understand is that women have a natural drive at some point in their life to have babies, so I understand your need and want to have a baby. If you want to go and do this it doesn&#195&#162&#226&#130&#172&#226&#132&#162t make sick or psychotic, I would describe those people( sick/ psychotic) as people who have been locked up for the worst crimes a man can commit! What you have to be prepared for is your mans reaction. Are you ready to be a single mum? Lose the man you love? Possibly your home? If the drive is that strong then go for it! But be prepared for a reaction or a darker side to your partner you thought you knew so well. Not every decision regarding your body or your needs, needs to be approved by a man just make sure your mentally strong enough to do this alone as that is how you may/may not end up. Good luck to all women in the same boat xx

william

Shame on you for doing what you are doing-just the sort of thing that really puts men off women.There are many comments from others that should tell you how wrong you are.

Scott

Ok...I'm thinkin you need a guys point of view on this...cause from what i gather from the girls who've responded, you're all slightly nuts. No, that is definately NOT a good idea...maybe he doesn't want children yet for reasons you don't know, maybe he just not ready, it's not up to you to decide what he's ready for or what he wants and just doesn't know it yet. What you're doing should be illegal. Now, understand that i'm not in support of him really, he married you, he should have expected you want children, otherwise he shouldn't have married you, but still, you decided to marry a guy who doesn't want kids yet, or at all, i don't know, but what i do know is that what you're doing is slightly psychotic... if you want a baby that bad, then talk to him, let him know what you're feeling, and if he shuts you down constantly at every corner, maybe you married the wrong guy. Simple as that.

lovergurl

i really want a baby 2. me and my partner r commited and he says he want everything to b perfect b4 we have a baby. i really want one so i cut holes in our condoms. i know everything will b good when our child is born. i wish others understood how it feels to long for a child.

Fiona

I can't believe what you are doing! You are definately not ready to be a mother as this whole twisted plot is so immature! I also can't believe that other people on here are supporting what you are doing. You are being increadibly selfish and obviously haven't given a thought to how this could affect your husband or the child if you were to have one. Marriage is about sharing your life with your husband. This means respecting the fact that he's not ready for a child yet, not tricking him into it! Talk to him about how you are feeling and ask him how he feels. Perhaps he wants to wait to save up some money first. As people have already written, so many things can go wrong from what you are doing. To begin with you don't sound like you love or respect your husband to be doing this in the first place. If you got pregnant and he found out what you did he could leave you and end up resenting the child. You would then have to live with the guilt that it was your selfishness that caused your child to be without a dad. A baby isn't all sweetness and joy. It's a life long commitment. How are you going to bring your child up to be a respectable adult, knowing right from wrong, when you don't even know yourself?! I know what it feels like to want a baby, I've been going through it for years now. But I knew that my partner wasn't ready for one yet and that we didn't have the money. Instead of tricking him I talked it through with him. I've waited. He's now said he's ready so we are trying to save up so we can afford to bring a child into the world together. Wouldn't you prefer, in say 20 years time, to look at your child and think of how nice it was to plan a pregnancy together with your husband, or even if it was an accident how you both got a lovely suprise by it, rather than thinking of how your son/daughter was conceived because you'd deceived your husband?!?

gem

go for it love. i am x

Kaycee*

Hiya, ive recently been engaged and been with my fiancee for over 2 years now im in the same situation as you he doesnt want children yet please tell me if this works Fingers crossed for you x

Kim

If you really want a baby then it is extremely unfair of your husband to deny you this. Did he make it clear that he didnt want children when he married you? You should get pregnant and pretend that it all happened accidentaly. He will never find out. To make it more believable, when you fall pregnant you should act really shocked and upset. Or even better, you could try a bit of reverse psychology and accuse him of tampering with the condoms. This way he will never think that you did it deliberately. Also make it clear to friends and family that it was a total shock and a mistake so that if he walks away from you, he will end up looking like the villain. It is unlikely that he would walk away from you anyway, if he is committed enough to have married you then there is no reason that he should walk away if you were to 'accidentaly' fall pregnant. I can understand how you feel and no woman should be denied the right to get pregnant. When the baby arrives your husband (provided he is a decent human being) will love the baby so much that he wont be able to remember why he didnt want a child in the first place. Anyone who says that it is unfair on your husband must already have children or not understand how it feels to desperately want a baby.

LaShelle

I would not do that. supose you do get pregnant and he thinks u cheated. it could come back and bite you. talk to him about it again find out when hes gonna be ready and if u dont want to wait you could always say your on birth control. he want pull out no condoms and youll get prego

Sarah

What if it is a genuine accident as it does happen even with contraception and the man insists he does not want children even when he himself has his own and the woman doesn't? There are situations where nothing underhand has been done.

beth

I think that women who trick men by getting pregnant through secretive ways are always going to end up getting hurt. My partner has a 7 yr old son who was conceived due to his ex of 4yrs stopping taking the contrceptive pill to enable her to get pregnant without consulting him. Once the baby was born and an arguement started it wasn't long before she threw in his face that she had trapped him by not taking her pill. 3 months later he walked out - he still has regular access to his son and worships the ground he walks on, but he has never got over his ex deceiving him over one of the most important decisions a couple should make. We are ourselves now trying for a baby but we both know about it. If you go ahead and get pregnant accidently on purpose then you only have yourself to blame when everything goes wrong. Think of the unborn child too, how will they feel if they ever find out that they are only here because mammy tricked daddy?????

Sarah

I was on the pill and did get pregnant by accident. My partner of 5 years already has 2 children from another relationship and always said he didn't want more. I was in two minds about having a child myself so wan't ready but I was told that I would be resented if I had the child. I felt that this was very selfish of my partner to expect me to remain childless but to get involved with and make the sacrifices which comes with having his kids involved as part of our relationship. How unfair does that sound? It came up in conversation that he didn't know if we had done the right thing me terminating which made me feel worse and now I can't stand to do anything with his kids and feel left out.

Annette

My husband of nearly 2 years has just declared to me that he doesnt want a baby and he wants me to get rid or else he is going! I am not getting rid. He and I always spoke of our family and our babies and now he has said that he never really wanted a family and was just lying to me!!! He says he feels trapped and that I have got what I wanted and that I tricked him?? We decided together to stop the pill and not to use condoms and see what nature had planned for us, so no trickery there then! What do i do? I love my husband but cant and wont give my baby up for him. What is the answer? Help!!!!!!

mommy of 1

I think that we all can agree that you need to talk to your husband again. Say something like "babe we really need to talk. Its nothing bad its about having a baby" then tell him that you would love to have a baby I what to know why you're not ready. Then go from there. There are lots of things it could be. If its about not having enough money. Just tell him it doesn't matter how much money we have, when you have a baby you never feel like you have enough. I have found that is the reason why most men don't want to have a baby. It could be that he just wants to be married for a couple of years before having kids. Like I said before it could be lots of things but you will never know unless you ask him. Good luck.

mabe

ti dont know if he condom trick could work if u try it a couple hour after as sperms can live up to 3 days but are vcery delicate n just because of ph change tempeture they can die easy and if the condom has spemecide what ur doin is useless!!! another thing i dont recomend u do it as if u really wanna get preagnent you should just tel him of what u want. im sure hell understand as u say he loves u and even if he doesnt wants it now he might understand n change when he wants it and might want it sooner than be4. u can really ruin ur new marriege over a stupidity like this. if u love him why dont u have the trust to tell him what u want. i believe ur missin comunication between the 2 of u

????????

I know exactly how you feel cause iv been doin the same thing only i'm on the pill and havent really been taking it, iv been with my partner for 5 1/2 years but have just started this recently because i never really tought about having kids b4 i just tought if it happened it happened but wen the subject came up he went really quiet but then said i want to wait till i have??? job and "x" amount of money b4 i have kids which could take years and i'm not willing to wait that long, reading all the comments i think the people who are telling you that you've not thought about his feelings are all mad, did he think about your feelings wen he said no? i dont think my partner thought about mine i think you should do whatever you think will make you happy.... hope everything works out for you xxxx

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