'I fancy a man at work but I'm engaged'

(14 ratings)
Man and woman flirting at work_jupiter

I've been with my fiance for nearly a year and we are due to get married next June but lately I think I've been finding myself attracted to a man at work.

When I met my fiance I had been through some awful experiences including being raped. I thought I had moved on from all that and when I met him he made me really happy. However, I think I might have just been swept off my feet and I worry that I accepted his proposal without thinking it through because he was offering me what I wanted.

Recently we have been struggling to get on. We live together and he does very little around the house, preferring to sit on the computer for hours on end whilst I cook his tea etc. When I talk to him about it he says he'll change but then everything just stays the same. I feel like I'm the maid.

We also very rarely have sex. However my current one is far from this. Soon after we met I discovered he had problems getting an erection, this is something I have tried to support him in, going to the doctor together and trying various things. I used to say 'it's not your fault, don't worry, we can work it out.'

However, this has not worked and he has completely given up, it seems like he has lost faith in everything. He also has confessed that when he thinks about me he can't get an erection but when thinking about someone else he doesn't have as much of a problem.

Over the last few months I have found myself getting more and more attracted to a man at work. I know this is wrong and I shouldn't be feeling this way towards him, but I can't help it. He makes me smile, something I rarely do at home, he compliments me and I really enjoy his company - and he's very sexually attractive. I flirt with him while I'm at work and he flirts back.

The thing is, he's in a relationship too, I know he has been a bit of a jack the lad in the past but think he wants to settle down with this one. I don't want to come between him and his girlfriend and wonder if I am making myself look stupid by flirting with him, even though he does it back.

Last week we were alone together and ended up holding hands and nearly kissed and the only reason this didn't happen is because someone else turned up. Since then I can't stop thinking about him, he's never far from my mind.

I don't know what to do, I feel so alone and scared. I don't want to lose my marriage but another part of me wants to get close to this other person.

Any comments would be appreciated, I don't know which way to turn.


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I'm in a similar situation... married, with a toddler, and happy when I'm with my work colleague, and sad and alone when at home. Sex has little to do with it, as it's great on both sides... more with hubby admitedly, and often, but it's a whooole different life style, it'd mean adapting to new friends, ways of life, music styles, hobbies... starting all over again to be happy... i don't know what to do. I feel like I'm living or creating a split personality... and honestly it's driving me crazy, but I'm happy when with the work colleague, and hate feeling alone when in the same room with my husband. What a choice, what should I do. For my toddler I think I may be staying with my husband... but what about me, I think I've decided to take second place... my toddler should now come first. I feel for you, and wish I could help. It's hard, but life wouldn't be fun if it were too easy. I really do think everyone out there had the opportunity to be happy with not just one soulmate or life partner, but we're lucky to meet many along the way. Ultimately it's the choice we finally decide to make. Good luck, ME


All this is true. Talk to your fiance first. atleast try to sort it out with him, that way if you split atleast you can say you tried ur hardest to keep it working. On the other hand, have fun, i dont know you but personally id rather see you happy than sad. even if the crush at work doesnt work out, atleast your not stuck in a engagment that maybe you dont actually want to be in.


the one thing for sure is that you should not marry this man. break off the engagement.


I do a agree with Pepper, you're feeling emotionally guilty for the fact that you're engaged but falling head over hills for your colleague. Nobody is able to advice you for who you should be with. The answer lies within yourself..! I've heard of a common story, when a person is given a choice to choose between A and B only, usually a common reaction is to pick none, A or B but C is usually selected due to inability to make a sensible decision. Maybe you're that type? Like Pepper mentioned, you NEED to spend more time with yourself, get to know 'the real you' better. Once you recognize yourself, you'll be able choose wisely. Wish you luck!!!


Please be careful in the decision you make because it may just backfire on you. What seems like a good feeling can easily turn into a great nightmare. My ex live-in girlfriend made the choice of crossing that line with a married co-work. She thought she was happy with that decision until he told her it was nothing more then just a fling to satisfy his attraction for her and had no intentions of leaving his wife. She later after months of contemplating confesses to me what she has done. She broke my heart in more ways imaginable. I am now currently in a new beautiful relationship and now my ex realizes the good man she has lost. I&#226&#128&#153ve failed to mention we have a gorgeous daughter together (my ex and I) which also had a huge affect on all of our lives. I&#226&#128&#153m no relationship export but I do have feelings like the rest of us. So I&#226&#128&#153ll tell you this, be upfront with your mate and more importantly be upfront with yourself. Ask yourself what damages will occur if your mate was to find out and if its even worth it to begin with. Good luck to you and God Bless!!!!


Hi Kacey. I know exactly how you feel because im in the same position. Ive been with my partner for 6 years and a couple months back i met someone and we really fancy each other. Thing is we are both in relationships. Ive tried to fight it by not responding to hes texts but he very persistant. Like you, i need to know what path to go down?


Hey i am going threw the same thing But i am not married.. and it is true we barely have sex like 1once a 3 week.. But to tell you the truth i do feel really acctractive to this man in my job too. But it is not our faults me and you barely have sex. were lonely.. And i am sure that you feel like this person in your job makes you feel better than you husband... same here good luck


Hi Kacey, I think it's clear that deep down you really don't want to marry your fiance. I can't believe he told you that he cant get an erection when he thinks about you. Is that the kind of person you want to speand your live with. Hope would you feel when you do have sex, knowing that he's probably thinking about someone else. I don't think you should put everything into the vloke you work with though, because if he is willing to cheat on his girlfriend with you would he do the same if you were together???? Maybe you should take some time by yourself and see what you want out of life!!! Good Luckxx


ditto Pepper


This isnt good. I honestly advise you to break off your engagement,move out and spend some time on your own with no men.Work out what you really want.The fact that your fiance is aroused thinking about other women but is not aroused when you are together speaks volumes. If you really love/fancy someone you are not looking elsewhere and lets be honest you are in the sense you are attracted to another man.However,he is with someone else and you really have to question his motives. You are in no way ready for marriage and should not be engaged to this man.


hi kacey my heart really goes out to you as i think you already know the answer to your own question,i personally feel that you know in your heart that you should not go through with this marriage,if you were as happy as you should you would not be looking else where,you need to tke time and find a an that will fullfill you in EVERY way possible and the fact that your an has told you he can get sexually stimulited thinking of other women tells alot on his behalf too,all i can say is follow your own heart and listen to what it is telling you because i think you know deep down you wont be happy if you marry this man hope verything works out for youxxxmel


Hi Kacey I really feel for you. Every women deserves to feel loved and wanted. I think beacause you are not getting this at home you are looking for it else where. This is why you are thinking of this other man as much as you are, because he is paying ylou the attention you want. However this man is out of bounds, you have said that he has a girlfriend. She doesnt deserve to be hurt and you shouldnt be part of hurting her. I think you need to decide weather your marriage is going anywhere. It isnt fair on you or your husband to be unhappy. Dont act on your feelings for this other man, not while your both in relationships. Talk to your husband and work out if you are going to give your marriage a fighting chance. good luck x x

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