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'I had a holiday fling'

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couple kissing on beach_jupiter
I'm 21, in a happy relationship and I have a 3-year-old son with my boyfriend. However, I have just been on holiday with my friend and while I was away I slept with somebody else.

The guilt is absolutely sickening. I feel sick all day every day and just want to cry.

I'm not going to tell my boyfriend because I think I should live with this guilt for as long as we're together and me telling him would only relieve my guilt and punish him which is unfair. How do I get past it though?

Haileigh

What do you think about Haileigh's confession? Should she keep quiet or confess her infidelity? Have your say in the Comments section below...

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jane hall

My partner did this and only confessed when I caught a STI. I've just filed for divorce, there cn be no forgiveness.

axxymax

as few of my fellow being have suggested here every body makes mistakes. I seriously wonder how they reached that conclusion.i feel as hitting some one physically is the physical manifestation of the anger i guess sex is the physical form and the most intense form of expressing desire and love towards your partner. If it was just an act as my stephen, brook and rachel and some other people suggested. i seriously wonder what kind of society and values they were brought up in. Let me tell you i am not a believer in god or sin and that crap but that doesn't give me the permission to have a fling with anyone outside a relationship. You might say it was a one time thing but the bottom line is you cheated.And its not that you cheated on your boyfriend or anybody but you cheated yourself you broke the promise you made of staying faithful to the person physically and emotionally both. now that you know you cannot trust yourself what does it say about yourself. Sometimes accidents happen and yes you may treat this one time as just an accident provided you dont commit the same accident another time. Trust me it is very difficult to let go of the images that your brain creates about infidelity so if it was just one time don't tell a thing to your partner. I also know it is difficult living with a lie but you will have for your relation's sake. you have done something that cannot be undone you know it everybody knows it on this forum. You have tagged him a cuckold, seriously how many guys on this forum will like to be called that unless there is seriously wrong with them. and yes there are people who have sex with out any emotions attached to it those kind of ppl are called prostitutes and gigolos. Are you seriously one of them. so don't tell me there are no emotions involved when you are doing it. Any its your life live as you want to dont hurt people who mean a lot to you they wont be with you forever. Yes i also believe people and change and so does their priorities and love interests. but that called moving on. if your relation still has a spark left i say bury the past and just live and enjoy life with your partner without the guilt part as it will only lead to unhappiness. be happy with yourself your partner will be happy and the a child growing in a happy family will be a better person rather than a child coming from a broken home. Some times ignorance truely is a bliss.

steph

Everybody messes up sometimes! just because you slept with this guy doesnt mean you had any emotional attachments to him what so ever! sex is just sex, it means just as little as a hug to some people, so i wouldnt say you have done anything worse that a kiss or a cuddle! Surley it would of been a worse betrayal if you seriously cared for this man and would cuddle and kiss him wishing you were with him, compared to just a quick meaningless shag with a guy who you wont ever see again anyway! Yes you were wrong, but so what! we all mess up at times! My advice is not tell your boyfriend as it will only hurt all 3 of you for no good reason. If this man you slept with ment nothing then whats the point in ruining a perfectly happy relationship over it!? As i always say, once is a mistake, twice is planned!!

Brooke

Im sickened at some of the responses to your post on here. At the end of the day, you have been with your partner for years, and have been bringing up a baby since the age of 18. You are entitiled to let your hair down so to speak and have some fun, albeit you were in a relationship but your sorry, and that's all that matters. We ALL make mistakes..as long as we learn from them that's the main thing. I wouldnt reccomened telling your partner, somethings are better unsaid. For you, i think the best thing for you to do would be to identify what you did as wrong, but learn from it, and move on. Think of your little boy, and how this may affect him if you tell your partner. Good luck to you. Brooke (19)

Tinka

It depends if you feel you can get over the guilt. I had a similar issue recently and couldn't stand the thought of living a lie. I decided to tell the truth and luckily I was forgiven, it was no big deal. (surprisingly!) As many have said, we all make mistakes, we surrender to the flesh. I also agree with maybe finding out why you did it? Maybe your relationship is lacking passion? Theres a website truthaboutdeception.com which is quite useful on this subject.

tim

what i don't understand is why you went on holiday with a friend and left your partner and child at home? To me that is a more serious issue

Tan

ok we all make mistakes and you are still really young, but you should tell your partner what you did because the quilt is unbearably. take it from someone who has cheated on all but one serious partner. the quilt will destroy the relationship eventually anyway. honesty is the best policy, if he loves you he will forgive you. maybe you should figure out why you did it, it may not just have been the sun, sea and sangria.

Rachel

some people are very harsh here, we have all made mistakes, i have been in a simliar situation myself.. (without the baby) my advice is to... not tell your partner... what good would it do? make him heartbroken and then eventually split up and the baby having seperate parents? no way girl keep it to your self!!! the main thing is that the baby is your boyfriends.. not some random guys!! yeah definatly not tell him.. x

Alex Richardson

you did a horrible thing. and in no way should you be forgiven. you have a daughter and your sleeping around, thats horrible i dont know how you sleep at night. your sick.

CR

You should tell him. It's better to be in pain than to live in a lie. If the relationship is meant to be, he'll stay with you and you won't feel guilty anymore.

Edgar Ortiz

i suggest don't tell him, you never know if your boyfried did the same to you, keep it for your self. and move forward with your boyfriend. and avoid do it again.

KT

Don't tell him, he'l be riped apart and men dont forgive and forget, he would constantly use it against you if he didn't leave you and he may use it as an excuse to cheat on you. Also you have a child and it wouldnt be fare for him to be pulled apart from one of his parents at such an early age and you may loose him if he takes it to far. You will get over the guilt and if he ever hurts you, you can make at even.

TIFFANY

OK WELL IF U TELL HIM YOUR ONLY GONNA HURT HIM.. AND MAKE YOUR SELF FEEL BETTER IN A WAY. IF HE SAYS HE FORGIVES YOU AND HE STAYS WITH YOU HE'S GONNA THROW IT IN YOUR FACE ANY CHANCE THAT HE GETS. HE'S GONNA CALL YOU A WHORE AND YOUR GONNA FEEL EVEN WORSE. SO I'D SUGGEST YOU JUST KEEP IT TO YOUR SELF MAKE SURE IT NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR FAMILY.

Martin Reiser

First, why on earth should you feel guilty? Of what? It is natural and o.k. to have sex so what is the matter. And what good would come out to tell him? NOTHING but problems for more people. If you feel its wrong, don't do it again -- that's all. You make a melodrama of nothing :-)

Ben

Do NOT listen to RB or Kit. Cheating is wrong period. If you can't be a trust worthy partner, then what is the point of being together if you just want something different, you people are probably making things worse for her. Haileigh, I'm not condoning cheating in anyway, but honestly, its up to you to decide whether or not too tell him. It all depends on the guy, some are forgiving, some are not. I'm forgiving, but too me, cheating is pretty close to being an unforgivable sin... but thats just me. The longer you keep it from him, the more it is going to her hurt him AND you. If you keep it bottled up at the back of your mind for your whole life, its going to drive you insane, given, yes, there will be times that you will forget about it, but its very easy to be reminded of something that you honestly don't want to remember. And keeping it from him for a long time, and suddenly telling him is going to make it hard for him to trust you. Because the longer you keep it from him, the less he is going to feel he can trust you. The chances of cheating twice in a week are a lot less then for say... a few years. Then hes going to wonder if you've done anything else, and it could ultimately cause a bigger problem then if you keep it bottled up. I hope this helps, and I wish the best for you two.

RB

I wouldn't worry about it, we all make mistakes, just forget about it, I'm sure it was fun when it happened, just move on and concentrate on having a happy future with your man, you only live once, if we can't have a little adventure once, then what the hell is the point! I don't condone cheating all the time, but I think sometimes we just need a little naughtiness outside our normal relationships, it doesn't mean you love your man less, sometimes it makes you realize just what you have at home, you clearly love your bf, so just move on and don't do it again!

Tyler

People Make Mistakes, Everyone knows this. you cant change the past, but i personally think you should tell your boyfriend, he needs to know! It may course problems but if he loves you he will be able to forgive you, and you after resure him over and over that you will never be unfaithful again. i know you dont want to hurt your boyfriend, but your hurting yourself and it will hurt him more knowing your keeping stuff from him. if you love him you waint want to lie to him. If you keep this to yourself you will feel guilty and hurt and May course arguments, you will become paranoid because you waint be able to trust him and you could start to think if you have done it to him and he asnt found out then he could be or has cheated on you, you need to sit down with him and talk about this. realtionships never work if theirs no trust and lies, and you would'nt want something like this to be kept from you. think about your relationship because you have a son with him and thats who you really need to think about. Good Luck and take care..x

nik

i think you should tell him, it will only make it worse the longer you leave it, my ex partner cheated on me a few times and on the occasions it took longer to find out it hurt more, i dont know why i stayed with her but i did, i suppose it was fools love but if you dont tell him you will never know how he will take it, you have to risk being hurt to get to the truth about why you cheated in the first place

kit

i cheated on my ex husband and when he found out he was very angry but he had hurt me 1st so i paid him back but it ruined our marriage. men cannot forgive and forget about this at all. they may say that they have but deep down it will always be at the back of their mind. telling your boyfriend would only break your relationship so am afraid you will have to live with this til the day you die.

KC

people always make mistakes as u know, and if u tell ur bf u cheated on him he would be seriously hurt i think, and mayb it wud be difficult for him to forgive u. if it was the other way round and my bf cheated on me i wud forgive him cuz i love him sooo much that i wud never cheat on him. soo mayb u should take this tough decision and tell him the truth after all u wud want that he tells u the truth also. either ways good luck and take care.

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