'My boyfriend's not my baby's father, but he thinks he is'

Leonie, 3 days

I think you should consider your child here..can you really live with this lie for the rest of your life? Your child deserves to know who her "real" father is.Even if the real father doesn't want to know and it probably does feel easier to brush it all under the carpet because no one will be none the wiser,or you feel it maybe easier to simply run away,but you can't run away from your problems for ever.At some point they will catch up with you!

Jake, 4 months

Dont say a word, it doesnt make a difference, when the real father doesnot want anything to do with the baby... and the assumed father is going so well with the new born... it is a good thing... we are so hung up on blood lines, where as the virtue of being a father is beyond blood lines. If he has assumed the role of the father and is going well, i suggest leave it at that... truth yes sounds good, but here it will break more than a few relationships, Spouse and you, the real father and his family, assumed father and your son. Also note that the real father has 4 children and the truth will break into the lives of those children. I would strongly recommend, that keep the truth hidden, and more importantly keep it hidden forever. Yes also make sure that the real father does it as well... The best way to deal with this, is start assuming and convincing yourself you were wrong, and the child was actually born as a result of intimacy with your assumed husband, and over time it will become a truth in your mind and the guilt will vanish... Please note, that it could be that the assumed father is the real father, both intimacy encounters, may have happened so close in time to each other that, it is actually difficult to tell who is the father and give the benefit of doubt towards the assumed father who has filled in and is doing so well as the real father, as any real father should be... It is a well known fact, if anyone in this world assumes the role of being completely honest in life, they get crucified... Gods words on honesty is holy, but when the people of this world says to speak the truth, and the same people of the same world crucify you, because they lack Holy wisdom, like us... Only fear in my mind, that the real father gets a guilt attack and spills the beans, when he nothing else to loose or is not in the wisest of his senses (drunk, mentally disturbed, stressed etc). So try and keep the real father away and completely isolate your new family from him, this way it is easy for him to forget as well... Men will forget easily, compared to women. My suggestion, hide the real truth, change the real truth to assumed truth, make a new assumed truth the real truth and confess the real factual truth only in heaven, that is were everyone will really understand...

CBd, 4 months

I'm going to vote for truth on this as well. Whenever I've been guilty, I would always beat myself up about it and think about all of the bad things that could happen if I tell the truth. It's always been better after I actually do tell the truth. At the very least, I always feel better about myself. You obviously aren't content to leave things the way they are, otherwise you wouldn't be posting on this website in the first place. Go with your gut. Tell the truth. You can either live your life wondering if the man you love would actually love and forgive the "real" you, and carry all of your baggage with you into the relationship, or you can take responsibility, own up, and put this all behind you, while becoming a stronger person in the process. It won't be easy, but you've got to focus on what you want from life. Even if it causes a lot of hurt at the time, it's after that when you can begin to heal. It's possible he may even want to be with you even in spite of your mistake - and how good would that feel?

Kay, 4 months

Georgina, its best to tell your partner the truth now-i know from experience as i have been in this position myself. Your kids come first at the end of the day and by denying the truth, you are also hiding the truth from your child, which is not fair to do forever. Your relationship with this man should not be more important than your kids and it was your mistake at the end of the day. I am sure if your partner has bought the child up for this long, then it shouldnt make a difference after the initial shock has worn off. Also if the real father does already know like you say, who knows if he has told anyone else. Wouldn't you rather your partner hears the truth from you now, rather than someone else, as im sure if he found out from someone else it would hurt even more. Be brave and good luck!!!!!!!

Jannet, 5 months

This kind of social disaster would have been prevented had people followed God's divine rule - no sex outside marriage - In God's law, there is wisdom and good for people - but people take their whims and desires to overpower them. This is the mental punishment for disobeying God.

Emma, 7 months

You should really tell your boyfriend the truth. The situation will be worse if he finds out in the future knowing that you knew the truth. it would be better of telling him the truth know than in two years because trust me it will make you look bad and he may want to leave you. Also, its not the baby's fault. You should try to get the biological father more involved, but if he refuses than he is an ass.

Steph, 8 months

what will happen if your son finds out later on in life that your boyfriend who is on the birth certficate isn't his real father? try to get the real father involved or your son may grow up not knowing who his real father is.

Kelly, 10 months

As hard as it may be and as much as it may hurt your boyfriend I don't think it is fair for him to believe he is the biological father, when he is not. Imagine how hard it will be, many years down the track if the truth comes out for both your bf and your son. Mabey if you could explain your feelings at the time to your bf, that you were scared to commit. Tell him that you want to stay together and that he is still the father of your son. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be for all concerned.

isobel, 10 months

Dont say anything!! Ur bf is ur sons father - hes the one thats bringing him up isnt he?! U cant just run away from everyone, just stick at it n u will realise that a sperm doner doent make a father.

Jayne, about 1 year

Georgina...........Oh my god !!!! don't say a word !!!! I have been in the same positon for over 20 yrs and i promise you some things are best left unsaid ,i also have a friend in the same situation !!! No one needs to know and god forbid if it ever did have to come out for let's say a medical reason just DENY U EVER THOUGHT ANY DIFFERENCE !!!!!

Catriona, about 1 year

Running away with your son is not the answer but you can't live like this and I think you know that. Do you really think you can live the rest of your life with this hanging over your head? I know I couldn't. Come clean with your boyfriend now. He deserves to know the truth, and you owe it to him.