'I feel trapped in my relationship'

(26 ratings)
Couple in bed woman pushing man away_J unlimited
I've been with my partner for 7 years and we are engaged and live together with our 4-year-old son.

Recently I've begun to develop really strong feelings for a man at work and although I love my boyfriend I don't think I'm IN love with him anymore. The man at work is 20 years older than me and he has a girlfriend of his own.

I feel I can't talk to anyone about my feelings for this man as they may judge me for liking someone behind my boyfriend's back. If I'm truly honest, I think I would have split up with my boyfriend if I knew I could manage financially on my own but I can't.

I feel trapped in this relationship and sometimes it's so hard as I like this other man so much and really want something to happen between us, even though I know it probably never will.

I shouldn't be thinking of other men like this if I am with someone should I? I feel like I need to and want to sleep with someone else but feel guilty for staying with my boyfriend when I don't love him.

Is it normal to think of other men in this way when you're in a relationship? In a previous relationship I started feeling like this and wanted to be with other blokes so I ended it straight away because I knew it meant that I didn't want to be with him any more but this time I have a house and a child, I really don't know what to do!


What do you think about Julie's confession? Should she go for it with the other man or stick with her fiance? Have your say in the Comments section below...

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Afoke Ibeh

hey julie, your problem is no problem at all. I wld advise you to take a time off from both men at least 2months. Go to a place where u will think more clearly. And let me be clear on this; you are not in love with d other man, u are just infatuated! If ur boyfriend has not done anything wrong for u to leave him then dont. Take that time off and u will get a better solution to ur problem


Hi Julie, I know I'm not the perfect one to reply but I want u to think twice of yourself... Try n find something that's missing in your relationship (spice it up)... This is one of the reason of break ups. Try and find something that u share... Spend some time .. Ask yourself some question: ''why did u fell in love with him, where do u stand in the relashionship?? Why are u starting to fell for someone else???'' Try n think cause u might regret leaving the life that u have. What I'm trying to say is that you've got a kid and a guy who loves u, isn't it? Why trying to find someone else at work... Are u choosing the guy at work cause he's funny or because of his charms?? Some guys are good players... So please just think twice of your choice ... see what u have n I'm sure u can enjoy it in one way or the other... Hope u will make the right choice and good luck Regards Jack


Hi I too can relate to this, and can tell you one year on what happened when faced with similar circumstances. I was 6 weeks away from being married and we owned a house together, when a new guy started at work. He was married with two children. I had already had doubts about getting married but tried to dismiss them as pre wedding nerves. I was instantly besotted with the guy from work, he was the "man of my dreams", but thought being as he seemed to be happily married that nothing would ever happen. Everything for the wedding was paid for, I personally had invested a lot into the house and I had so much to lose financially. So I called it off and finished with my fiance, based on two things. A) It wasn't about the guy at work per se, but the fact that I was so attracted to anyone else meant it was wrong to get married. If you are with the right person, I feel you dont look elsewhere as you have everything you want in a relationship, and B) life is too short to be unhappy, and stay together for the kids. I learnt that from my own parents. We both lost a lot on the wedding, and I have lost everything I had financially in the house (he invested nothing) and I am still stuck owning a house jointly with my ex that we can't sell in the current climate. BUT, unbeknown to me, the "happily married" man at work, was in the process of leaving his wife anyway after many unhappy years together. To cut a long story of many many external pressures in the last year short, we got together and we've been together ever since. We have both lost a lot financially, emotionally with our families, and he is still fighting through the courts to see his children. But ultimately, we are both happy with each other and I don't regret the decision I made. I hope things work out for you :)


I know the feeling exactly....But my story has a little twist...12/13 yrs ago,i was seeing a great guy who i fell deeply in love with,but found out that he was living with someone else and had kids when i was led to believe he was living with his i ended the relationship,not because he was with someone,because i truly believed he had sincere feelings for me,but because he had lied tome.I got on with my life,i have been with a guy now for the last 12 yrs and we have a great little girl of 11,but i never got over the other guy,i was still in love with him,to cut a long sory short,he,unknowing to me,was too still in love with me and he wrote to me after he had searched for me,telling me how he felt,we have met up a few times and i really want to be with him,but i have bills that need sorting and other financial responsibilities plus i have no where to go,and i have kids still living with me from a previous relationship...I really need to be with this guy,i love him more than anything in this world,but i don't know how.Hope everyone in a situation like mine can work things out,It's the worst feeling in the world.

A wilson

Hi there luv, think of you not ya child, children are quite rezilaint, get away on your own if you can, and look at whats in your heart, who you miss and who you want, but moast of all be honest with yourself! it's your life your lessons!


I am in a very similar position but have no children. I have been with my fiance 8 yrs and fell into our engagement out of feeling guilty for loving him but no longer being in love with him.I have fallen for a man i used to work with and yes he has a girlfriend but we have been seeing each other for 2 years roughly now.I really want this to work but my gut feeling is that he would run a mile if I told him how i feel about advice is dont get involved with anyone whilst you are with your will mess up your head and your heart....talking from experiance here!....start thinking about ways you can cope on your own, friends and family will always be there for you and then take time for yourself and your child, this will give you time to think about what you want to do!. and your boyfreinf is old enough and probably smart enough to manage by himself! x


hey id jst like to say that im in the exact situation myself!! Ive been with my boyfriend for 9 yrs this winter and have a gorgeus girl of 4 together. we also have a house with mortgage and my boyfriend has a son who also lives with us. I have'nt been in love with him for a few yrs nw but love him to bits. Im not interested in sex with him though i often fantasise what it would be like with someone else. I want to leave but feel scared, he has a temper but over the yrs seems to have it under control so i feel like im waiting on the right time........ theres so much to think about, the house, where to go, the kids its so scary. Hope everything turns out well for you!

P May

You should probably re-evaluate your present relationship and if it's not what you want you should end it. Don't go into a new relationship with uncertaintys. It natural to have feelings for this person you work with you spend a great deal of time with him but are you leaving the 80% to go for the 20%?

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